资深少女作文贴~~~我写我写我写写写老子不信你的邪！

jiajy930809 · 发表于 2014-7-10 11:18:34

这里是贾贾的作文贴~
多谢大家修改！

先贴了独立写作的，贾贾发现自己的TPO只到24悲剧了，有哪位小伙伴好心能把TPO软件发我一份~~~ 谢谢啦！

小蘑菇开始打怪 · 发表于 2014-7-11 12:34:24

Patience is usually not a good thing. We should take actions at once.

Perhaps no issue is talked as commonly as efficiency among people throughout the world. As nowadays people invented various methods to complete assignments more efficiently, topic among whether we should take actions at once since patience is usually not a good thing has triggered an intense discussion. In my point of view, though patience has its merits to perfect results, I still assert that taking actions immediately is a better way for most of us.

On top of my argument, admittedly, patience is a necessary requirement for some kind of jobs. For example, writer or scriptwriter needs a long time to create the story frameworks and reviews them repeatedly in order to produce a magnificent literary work. The whole procedure, normally take years, requires a considerate amount of patience. What’s more, you cannot demand a writer to inspire a flow of ideas in a limited time, which is not realistic as well. Therefore, to these certain jobs, patience is a good quality.

In addition, however, taking actions at once can help overcome the laziness. Usually, patience is only an excuse for delay. Instead, the true reason behind patience is that people tend to be lazy to avoid a load of work. Just take my own experience as an example. My math teacher once assigned a difficult set of problems, the deadline of which is two weeks later in order to provide us enough time to thinking deeply. I should have taken the time to solve them, but once I reminded that the deadline is still far away, I just gave up thinking and turned to other simple assignments. As the deadline approaches, I was still stepping around the start and, as a result, I got such a low mark on this course that I regretted a lot. Many circumstances are just like my example above, people used to start until the deadline is around the corner when they have to complete them right away. Therefore, it is the laziness that stops one’s process. The best way to overcome laziness is to start right away to improve efficiency.

Further more, to most of us, individual values are still reflected by working outcome, that is to say, higher efficiency can help us better results in that we have more time to improve. Just as a saying goes, ‘ A slow sparrow should make an early start.’ Taking actions immediately can save us more time. Besides, one can better himself only after exposed his weaknesses. One may find it is hard to start, but how can one find out the shortcomings without the start. Thus, taking actions without delay can better one’s performance as a result.

After ruminating all my elements, although certain jobs need patience, overcoming laziness and bettering the performance are both compelling justifications to take actions at once. For most us, I recommend that we cannot take patience as an excuse and just take actions right now to improve efficiency.

楼主写得很好了啊！。。一点改进就是可以把让步段放在最后，不然一上来就让步显得底气不足。
我没看出什么语法和拼写错误，然后就是学习到不少好短语和表达方式~

jiajy930809 · 发表于 2014-7-11 13:08:56

这是把我的作文贴出来了还没有改咩？
不好意思喔~~ 下次我直接贴出来

jiajy930809 · 发表于 2014-7-11 13:09:50

小蘑菇开始打怪发表于 2014-7-11 12:34
Patience is usually not a good thing. We should take actions at once.
Perhaps no issue is talked as ...

这是把我的作文贴出来了还没有改咩？
不好意思喔~~ 下次我直接贴出来

小蘑菇开始打怪 · 发表于 2014-7-11 13:37:06

jiajy930809 发表于 2014-7-11 13:09
这是把我的作文贴出来了还没有改咩？
不好意思喔~~ 下次我直接贴出来

我还在改~~

jiajy930809 · 发表于 2014-7-11 21:23:50

小蘑菇开始打怪发表于 2014-7-11 12:34
Patience is usually not a good thing. We should take actions at once.
Perhaps no issue is talked as ...

T___T 我差不多考试的时候也这么写，可是两次都是23，落泪

小蘑菇开始打怪 · 发表于 2014-7-11 22:23:36

jiajy930809 发表于 2014-7-11 21:23
T___T 我差不多考试的时候也这么写，可是两次都是23，落泪

啊为什么，明明写得很好啊。。

jiajy930809 · 发表于 2014-7-11 22:44:38

小蘑菇开始打怪发表于 2014-7-11 22:23
啊为什么，明明写得很好啊。。

我也郁闷，今天练了综合
两次成绩上综合都是fair，可能是综合写的太烂了之前也没怎么在意吧！不能掉以轻心啊！

jiajy930809 · 发表于 2014-7-11 22:45:49

Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic that whether Robert E. Peary has reached the North Pole actually. In th reading passage, the writer demonstrates to support the truth of Peary's claim. The professor in the lecture, however, hosts a totally disparate view that the arguments provided are grounless. The lecture by the professor, unquestionably, casts doubt on the reading passage.

First and foremost, the writer contends that National Geographic Society ensured the credibility of Peary's accounts according to his records and equipment. On the contray, the listening part asserts that the investigators in the National Geographic Society are Peary's friends, who contributed to the expedition. What's more, they spent just 2 days on the investigation, which is too less to get the thorough result. Therefore, the lecture is opposite to the writer's expectation.

Further more, running counter to the belief in the passage that the British explorer Tom Avery also made trek in less than 37 days using dogsled under the same circumstances. the professor points out that the Tom dropped the food to reduce the loads and encountered better weather condition compared to Peary, which mde this trek within limited days possible. The claim is at odds with the reading part.

Finally, the writer claims that the shadows in Peary's photographs match exactly with the surf location that day. This idea is refuted by what is stated in the listening material -- the photograhs are faded and blurted, which could be fake and cannot give solid envidence for Peary's reach.

To sum up, the standpoints in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker.

感觉自己第三点没有听清楚，应该是不全啦嘤嘤嘤
表达上替换也做的不好，谢谢Dearbug给我改啦！！！

DearBug · 发表于 2014-7-12 17:14:14

Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic that whether Robert E. Peary has reached the North Pole actually. In th reading passage, the writer demonstrates to support the truth of Peary's claim. The professor in the lecture, however, hosts a totally disparate view that the arguments provided are grounless. The lecture by the professor, unquestionably, casts doubt on the reading passage.

1. Remark upon the topic 这个表达挺好的。
2.In the reading passage, 这里的th -> the
3.这里grounless ->groundless
开头用词挺好的，但是感觉后面有点啰嗦了。我也和楼主一样，用的模板，但是第二次考试还不如第一次考试也是23.所以我总结了一下，开头有点啰嗦。当然这是个人的意见了。

First and foremost, the writer contends that National Geographic Society ensured the credibility of Peary's accounts according to his records and equipment. On the contray, the listening part asserts that the investigators in the National Geographic Society are Peary's friends, who contributed to the expedition. What's more, they spent just 2 days on the investigation, which is too less to get the thorough result. Therefore, the lecture is opposite to the writer's expectation.

1.第一个理由，首先Peary's accounts according to his records and equipment；我觉得听力原文中有明确提到committee，而且是committee确保P的真实性，所以应该重点在committee上。
2. On the contray -> contrary 这种模板的一部分，楼主应该多注意点，我好像也是这种错误太多导致失分太多的。
3.听力中提到是investigators in the committee ，不知道写成the National Geographic Society 可以不。
4.听力中也提到了这些朋友投资了钱在里面，楼主写上应该会更完整点。

Further more, running counter to the belief in the passage that the British explorer Tom Avery also made trek in less than 37 days using dogsled under the same circumstances. the professor points out that the Tom dropped the food to reduce the loads and encountered better weather condition compared to Peary, which mde this trek within limited days possible. The claim is at odds with the reading part.

1.the professor 是另起一行，应该是The
2.我觉得听力里说了T和P用的是相同的equipment，但是circumstance就和下文中讲的天气状况有点相互矛盾。
3.还有就是，讲到T和P不同的时候，其中对于载货量这个说法，听力说是T的食物是从飞机上dropped，但是不是为了减少载货量而dropped food。不知道这样说对不对。
4.单词 mde-> made

Finally, the writer claims that the shadows in Peary's photographs match exactly with the surf location that day. This idea is refuted by what is stated in the listening material -- the photograhs are faded and blurted, which could be fake and cannot give solid envidence for Peary's reach.

1.单词photograhs->photographs envidence -> evidence
2.感觉这一段有点短，但是基本信息都全了。比我强多了，我第三段直接理解错误了。

To sum up, the standpoints in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker.

资深少女作文贴~~~我写我写我写写写老子不信你的邪！

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