TWE78请求修改

这样的作文可以及格么?在此谢过!

78. Is it more important to be able to work with a group of people on a team or to work independently? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

There are different views concerning this topic. Some people emphasize great importance on cooperation, while others argue that the significance of individual work should not be neglected. After pounding pondering the opinions from several aspects , personally ,I have a preference for stressing the ability of working with a group of people on a team. The reasons are presented below .

The main reason for my propensity is that modern society always regards team work as leading to high efficiency. Obviously, in most fields., no one has all the knowledge about all subjects. But in a team , people have different approaches and contribute to the same cause.  As the saying goes, “many men ,many minds ”, owing to the combination of all the efforts ,a group of people reach the goal easier than a single person can.

In addition , cooperation provides a good chance to improve communication skills. Everyone should work with others sooner or later.  A person working on a team will gradually learn how to get along well with others and even work in harmony with strangers. For example, you may learn how to speed up to keep pace with those who tend to achieve things in a short time.  You may learn how to encourage your partner to get rid of a bad situation. By contrast , a person who is working independently would not experience such progress .   

Working with a team does have its profound advantages. Nevertheless, teamwork may have some  small disadvantages, such as individuals relying on others in the team and not proving an appropriate share of work..

In summary , based on the above disscussions, the rewards of cooperation outweigh the disadvantages .Because modern society always regards teamwork as leading to high efficiency and teamwork provide a good chance to improve the skill of communication .Now we may safely reach the conclusion that the ability to work with group is much more important than working independently.

我认为这篇文章写的不错。肯定可以及格的。

加油！

There are different views concerning this topic.(don’t just say this topic. Restate the topic, specify) Some people emphasize great importance on cooperation, while others argue that the significance of individual work should not be neglected. After pounding pondering (awkward) the opinions from several aspects , personally ,I have a preference (I prefer) for stressing the ability of working with a group of people on a team. The reasons are presented below .(Redundant, of course you are going to explain.)

The main reason for my propensity (find a better word) is that modern society always regards team work as (which will lead to high efficiency) leading to high efficiency. Obviously, in most fields., no one has all the knowledge about all subjects. But in a team , people have different approaches and contribute to the same cause (wording is weird) .  As the saying goes, “many men ,many minds ”(?? Don’t’ understand) , owing to the combination of all the efforts ,a group of people (restate, a team may) reach the goal (what is the goal? To accomplish something? To finish a certain task?) easier than a single person can. (another way of saying single person is individual)

In addition , cooperation provides a good chance to improve communication skills. Everyone should (will eventually) work with others (one or another) sooner or later.  A person working on a team will gradually learn how to get along well (well is redundant) with others and even work in harmony with strangers. (wording) For example, you may learn how to speed up to keep pace with those who tend to achieve things in a short time. (whose who work at a fast speed?) You may learn how to encourage your partner to get rid (overcome is better expression) of a bad situation. By contrast , (In contrast) a person who is working independently would not experience such progress .   

(Moreover) Working with a team does have its profound advantages. Nevertheless, teamwork may have some  small disadvantages, such as individuals relying on others in the team and not proving an appropriate share of work..