Argu 7 第一次写版主不要留情

kekele007 · 发表于 2013-2-28 00:00:05

The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directorsof Monarch Books.

"We recommend that Monarch Books open acafé in its store. Monarch, having been in business at
the same location for more than twenty years,has a large customer base because it is known for its
wide selection of books on all subjects.Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers.
Space could be made for the café bydiscontinuing the children's book section, which will probably
become less popular given that the most recentnational census indicated a significant decline in
the percentage of the population under age ten.Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more
customers and better compete with Regal Books,which recently opened its own café."

Write a response in which you discuss whatquestions would need to be answered in order to
decide whether the recommendation is likely tohave the predicted result. Be sure to explain how
the answers to these questions would help toevaluate the recommendation.

The recommendation from the Board of Directors advocates that Monarch Books should open a cafe in its store in viewof attracting more customers. Though it seems, at first glance, reasonable toadduce such recommendation, however, a spate of questions should be addressedto testify the rationality of the recommendation.

The first question that needs to beresponded is whether Regal Books, which recently opened its own cafe inside itsstore actually improved profits. The arguer merely cites that Regal Books,Monarch Books' rival, set up a cafe, however, we do not obtain tangibleevidences such as an accurate data to proof the increasing profitability ofthis café approach. The arguer seem to fail to take into account the fact thatthe quite possible that the Regal Books' customers, in fact, are decreasing.Without assuring the practicability of opening a cafe and fully evaluating therisks, the arguer simply recommend to Monarch Books that setting up a cafe canbetter compete with Regal Books, really, is precarious.

Even if the Regal Books' cafe measureincreased the number of customers which is beneficial to profits, we can notguarantee the identical approach would continue to be useful for Monarch Books.Another important question need to be raised is whether or not Monarch Books istruly similar to Regal Books. The arguer appear to assume that if the cafeapproach worked at the Regal Books, it will equally work at Monarch Books,however, it is far from intellectual. There may be qualitative variances betweenthe two stores. We are informed that Monarch Books have been in business at thesame location for more than twenty years which are known for its wide selectionof books on all subjects. But we don’t know the Regal Books’ status quo and towhich extent we could not compare Monarch with Regal. Is Regal share the similarcircumstance? Is the orientation of Regal and Monarch alike? What if Regal isfamous for its excellent reading environment? Is the number of Regal's customergreater than Monarch's previously? These questions also required to beidentified in order to evaluate the recommendation.

In the recommendation, the arguer writesspace could be made for the cafe at the expense of discontinuing the children'sbook section. However, this method definitely will impinge on Monarch's wideselection of books. So it leaves a question, will the method paradoxically leada reduction of customers instead of attracting more，also need to be considered. Thoughin the recommendation, the arguer present an evidence that the percentage ofthe population under age ten will decline significantly which indicated by themost recent nation census. One would need to asked: What is the localpopulation's percentage tend to? Will the children's percentage at thislocation will decline synchronously? However, another question occurs thatwhether or not the children's percentage reduction are meant to represent thepopulation downgrade under age ten. If the mortality declined extraordinarily whilenatality didn't, the percentage of the children unarguably will reduce. But inthat situation, we could not conclude the magnitude of children will decreasewith which the recommendation may not be firmly grounded. Even though theassumption that the population of children under age ten will considerablydrop, would their parents expend the expense of education which might meanschildren’s books would be sold more and consequently bring about a greatprofits. After all, it seems, according to above considerations, extremely rashto implement the café approach at Monarch Books.(581)

竹林中人 · 发表于 2013-2-28 11:11:53

The recommendation from the Board ofDirectors advocates that Monarch Books should open a cafe in its store in view of attracting more customers. Though it seems,at first glance, reasonable to adduce such recommendation, however, a spate ofquestions should be addressed to testify the rationality of the recommendation.

The first question that needs to be respondedis whether Regal Books, which recently opened its own cafe inside its storeactually improves profits. 建议时态最好都一样，用一般现在时，除非是明显的过去时间。The arguer merely cites that Regal Books, MonarchBooks' rival, set up a cafe,感觉这句话不太完整 however, we do not obtain tangible evidences such as an accuratedata to proof 这里应当是prove the increasing profitability of this café approach. The arguerseems to fail to take into account the fact that thequite possible？ that the Regal Books' customers, infact, are decreasing. Without assuring the practicability of opening a cafe andfully evaluating the risks, the arguer simply recommendsto Monarch Books that setting up a cafe can better compete with Regal Books,really, is precarious.这句话主谓不明

Even if the RegalBooks' cafe measure increased the number of customers which is beneficial to profits, we can not guarantee theidentical approach would continue to be useful for Monarch Books. Anotherimportant question need to be raised is whether or not Monarch Books is trulysimilar to Regal Books. The arguer appears to assume that if the café approachworked at the Regal Books, it will equally work at Monarch Books. However, itis far from intellectual. There may be qualitative variances between the twostores. We are informed that Monarch Books have been in business at the samelocation for more than twenty years which are known for its wide selection ofbooks on all subjects. But we don’t know the Regal Books’ status quo and to whichextent we could not compare Monarch with Regal. Is Regal share the similar circumstance?Is the orientation of Regal and Monarch alike? What if Regal is famous for itsexcellent reading environment? Is the number of Regal's customer greater thanMonarch's previously? These questions also required to be identified in orderto evaluate the recommendation.

In the recommendation, the arguer writes spacecould be made for the cafe at the expense of discontinuing the children's booksection. However, this method definitely will impinge on Monarch's wide selectionof books. So it leaves a question, will the method paradoxically lead areduction of customers instead of attracting more，also need to be considered. Though in the recommendation, the arguerpresents an evidence that the percentage of the population under age ten willdecline significantly which indicated by the most recent nation census. Onewould need to asked: What is the local population's percentage tend to? Will the children's percentage at this location will declinesynchronously? However, another question occurs that whether or not thechildren's percentage reduction is meant to represent the population downgradeunder age ten. If the mortality declined extraordinarily while natality didn't, the percentage of the childrenunarguably will reduce. But in that situation, we could not conclude themagnitude of children will decrease with which the recommendation may not befirmly grounded. Even though the assumption that the population of childrenunder age ten will considerably drop, would their parents expend the expense ofeducation which might means children’s books would be sold more andconsequently bring about a great profits. After all, it seems, according toabove considerations, extremely rash to implement the café approach at MonarchBooks.这一段内容太多，建议分段写。
问题1基本的时态和谓语人称形式错误，这个很影响越读者的心情的
问题2.语句有些地方显得很生硬，明显的chinglish痕迹，对单词的使用不够准确
问题3建议段内推理分析时要更有条理，更清晰你的推理思路，并且能有更具体的例子帮助说明。
问题4建议几个质疑点之间能有一个好的逻辑顺序，不要交叉。

[argument] Argu 7 第一次写版主不要留情

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