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[issue] issue求批改,感觉这篇不好写。。。

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楼主
发表于 2013-1-11 14:40:35 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
题目:



True success can be measured primarily in terms of the goals one sets foroneself.

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Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree ordisagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position youtake. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways inwhich the statement might or might not hold true and explain how theseconsiderations shape your position.

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The speaker claims that the goals one sets for oneself can be the measureof true success, and I totally endorse with it. Success shouldn't be someextrinsic judgment from other poeple; instead, it's a matter of oneself. Thegoals one sets for him or herself can both be the force that encourages him orher to fight and the metric for the true success.


It's quite common to see that many people use their own standpoint tojudge other's success. Some external criteria made by the mass are alwayswealth or rights the one holds. Money or the power are things that can beeasily recognized by others, however, people in charge of lots of issues or canbuy sports cars are not always successful models. As a common instance, someoneembezzles money from a company or government is always no doubt rich. But,including himself, no one will regard him as successful because he himself willfeel guilty and craven when talked about his money and others will disdain andhate him. Even if he can buy Louis Vuitton or Cartier for his wife, his life isall of stains. In this sense, not only a person whose rich is not necessary tobe recognized successful, so doesn't a country. To name one, Iraq used to beone of the richest countries in the world. But the tyranny from Saddam makespeople suffer a lot every day. His country couldn't be said successful becausepeople don't have others things relative to human rights other than money. Andeventually, the country almost goes to the end.


On the contrary, internal factors can dominate more when someone's successneeds to be judged. Like what is said by the speaker, the goals one sets forhimself really count. Success is not the cheers or admirations from others, butsatisfaction and honor that one feels from his own deep heart. Once someone canrecognize success in this sense, he will have the strength to fight for hisgoals and try to step closer and closer to them. And as long as he achieves it,the happiness or the satisfaction will come to him naturally without others'judges. On the other hand, if someone doesn't have his own goals, and he thinksbeing wealthy will make others deify him, bribes or other crimes may becommitted by him as a consequence that he doesn't consider what he really needsand what he can actually do for the society. But if this guy is encouraged bythe mass to achieve only his own goals rather than judges from people, he mayfound his own company which provides services that are good for the world, andfinally be the king of his own world. This indicates that the distance betweenwhere you are and where your goals are is definitely the best choice for metricof success.


To retrospect, goals set by oneself is a great way to measure success. Itwill make you move correctly and directly to the point that you will make mostuse of yourself to the world without any regret left.
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沙发
发表于 2013-1-11 22:12:32 | 只看该作者
文章写的不够好的原因有二:1.内容中完全分割了个人目标和社会的评价,个人的目标最终还是要放到大的社会背景里,比如可能有坏人觉得自己抢劫成功或者怎么的成功了,达到了自己的目标,但这不为社会所容的。2.可能段内语言太过冗杂,希望能精简下,并且更有张力。
板凳
发表于 2013-1-12 10:39:12 | 只看该作者
感觉作者的论证不在点子上,你要证明的是terms of the goals one sets foroneself 能不能来衡量true success.
地板
 楼主| 发表于 2013-1-12 13:56:10 | 只看该作者
其实我在写的时候也总感觉自己写偏了,我以后练习时一定先仔细思考以后在动笔写,两位斑竹辛苦了~
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