argument 17 求拍

byhdhr123 · 发表于 2012-11-7 22:16:08

In the argument,the author concludes that to reverse a decline in listener numbers,WWAC must
change form its current rock-music format.The conclusion is base on a increase of the number of
elder poeple,the decline of the sell of recorded music and the popularity of news and talk
format.The argument may seem persuative at first glance,however,because it lacks a lot of
specific evidence,the solidity of the argument is weakened.Unless the author can provide more
information about the details,the contenion is poorly supported.
First, the author metions that though the population has grow in the listening area,but the
growth is mainly due to a incresing of elder people and the rock misic is not prevailent among
them.But the evidence the author meitons is insiffcient to support the recommendation.There's
no specific imformation to show that people who are retired are not fond of rock music.For rock
is a major style of the music and it has a long history in the country,Maybe the people of a
older age likes it very much because rock music is of their times,The elder may be so impressed
by rock music and like to share it with others as well.
Then,the author metions that a decline of the sell of recorded music to show that the limited
interest in music.Still,more imfomation of details must be added to make this evidence
concinving.For a age of imfomation has come,people can download their favoriate music on the
Internet so they rarely buy record as before,so the sell may slump as a result.But they may be
fond of listening music or even more fond of it because the access is more
convenient.Moreover,there exists another possibility that the economic situation is not as good
as before,so people will certainly decrease their expendure in buying record because they are
not opulent enough to put money in recreations such as music record.
Then,the author metions that to reverse its decline,WWAC must rely on the news and talk
format program,which is popular in the area.Still,the imfomation the author provides is not
enough.As news and talk format is popular in that region,their may be many radio stations that
cast the programs and the program they provide are of good quality.So if WWAC also turn to this
kind of progarm,for the lack of experience,they may not make a good proformance to be
compatitive in the business.If WWAC is famous of rock misic and now WWAC turns its focus on
another programs,then they may lose their loyal listeners as well.
To sum up,The seemingly logical argument is not as solid as it stands. several specific
evidences is omitted or ignored by the anthor.So to strengthen the argument and achieve the
goal of the argument,the arguer must rely on more information to make the argument convincing.

byhdhr123 · 发表于 2012-11-7 22:17:56

题目，抱歉发晚了
17. (235) Following appeared in a memorandum from the manager of WWAC radio station.
"To reverse a decline in listener numbers, our owners have decided that WWAC must change from its current rock-music format. The decline has occurred despite population growth in our listening area, but that growth has resulted mainly from people moving here after their retirement. We must make listeners of these new residents. We could switch to a music format tailored to their tastes, but a continuing decline in local sales of recorded music suggests limited interest in music. Instead we should change to a news and talk format, a form of radio that is increasingly popular in our area."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-11-9 15:25:05

In the argument,the author concludes that to reverse a decline in listener numbers, WWAC must
change fromits current rock-music format. The conclusion is based on a increase of thenumber of elder people (这里需要指代明确 ), thedecline of the sails（这里应当是销售量，而非sell） of recordedmusic and the popularity of news and talk format.The argument may seem persuasiveat first glance;however, because it lacks a lot of specificevidence, the contentionis poorly supported. Unlessthe author can provide more informationabout the details, thesolidity of the argument is weakened / the recommendation is not advisable（这里建议前后调换下表述）.

First,the author mentions that though the population has grow in thelistening area, but (“though”and “but” can not be used at the same sentence) the growthis mainly due to a (herewe’d better use the ) increasingof elder people and the rock music is not prevalent among them. But the evidence theauthor mentions is insufficient tosupport the recommendation. There's nospecific information to show that people who are retired (the retired could be more simple) are not fond of rock music. For rock is a major style of the musicand it has a long history in the country, Maybe the people with an older age like it very muchbecause rock music is of their times. The elder may be so impressed by rock music and like to shareit with others as well.

Then, theauthor mentions that a decline of the sale of recorded music to show that (that去掉)the limited interestin music. Still, more information of details must be added to make thisevidence convincing. For anage of information has come, people can download their favorite music on the Internetso they rarely buy record as before, so the sale may slump as a result. Butthey may be fond oflistening music or even fonder(fond的比较级就是fonder) of it because the access is more convenient.Moreover, thereexists another possibility that the economic situation is not as good as before, so people willcertainly decrease their expenditure in buying record because they are not opulent enough to put moneyin recreations such as music record.

Then（这里再要换个词了）, the author mentions that to reverse its decline, WWAC must rely on the newsand talk format program, whichis popular in the area. Still, the informationthe author provides is not enough.As news and talk format is popular in that region, their may be many radio stationsthat cast the programs andthe program they provide are of good quality. So if WWAC also turns to this kindof program, for the lack of experience, they maynot make a good performance to be competitive in the business. If WWAC is famous of rock music and now WWAC turns its focus on another program, then they maylose their loyal listeners as well.
我觉得中间三段有点简单的样子，能否加入这样的内容，比如，正是因为缺少这样的evidence，会产生什么样的其他的结论而非题目的结论等等
To sum up, theseemingly logical argument is not as solid as it stands. Several specific
evidences is omitted or ignored by the author. So to strengthen the argument and achieve the
goal of the argument, the arguer must rely on moreinformation to make the argument convincing.
红色为拼写错误，需要注意，最好避免这种过多的拼写错误
蓝色是表达或者语法方面的问题

[作文互改] argument 17 求拍

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