argument 149，求修改

zhanghaolin · 发表于 2012-11-2 22:05:50

149. The following recommendation was made by the president and administrative staff of Grove College, a private institution, to the college's governing committee.

"We recommend that Grove College preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education rather than admit men into its programs. It is true that a majority of faculty members voted in favor of coeducation, arguing that it would encourage more students to apply to Grove. But 80 percent of the students responding to a survey conducted by the student government wanted the school to remain all female, and over half of the alumnae who answered a separate survey also opposed coeducation. Keeping the college all female will improve morale among students and convince alumnae to keep supporting the college financially."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

In the argument, the authors recommend that Grove College should preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education based on the following reasons: results of two surveys reveal the facts that both the majority of students and alumnae supports remain the old tradition and keeping the college all females will improve morale and convince alumnae to supporting the college financially. However, I am afraid the argument can hardly bear further consideration because there might be multiple explanations for the evidence.

First, the authors do not present specific information about the respondents in neither of the two surveys. For example, since Grove College is a school with a history of at least a hundred years, it surely has a large number of alumnae with different jobs, social backgrounds and life experience. It is not surprising that distinctive people have various opinions about educational styles. So, it is reasonable for us to ask how did the conductor decide which alumnae should be asked and whether the respondents are representative enough to stand for all alumnae or not? In addition to above, the survey of the students might not reveal the essence of the problem. Because when the policy or regulation does not seriously impact the life of people, it is human nature that results the partiality to maintain current situation rather than change it even though the change might lead a better situation. In this case, the survey might only represent that students are used to the all-female education but cannot prove its advantages over coeducation.

Furthermore, we should ask whether there is convincible evidence to support that implementation of coeducation will undermine morale and decrease financial supports from alumnae or not. Apparently, the authors make a precipitous assumption that the support from alumnae will decrease if the college implements coeducation only based on their support of all female educations; however, the survey does not provide any information or clues, which shows their support are relative to college’s decision. Moreover, the author ignores to take account of effect of the change of applicants if implementing a coeducation system. Perhaps the coeducation leads more students apply to Grove and increase the income of school, which makes up the losing support from alumnae.

Last but not the least, even though the result of two surveys reflects the mainstream view of the students, the authors should consider whether the all-female system accord with the aim of education or not. As we know, since the aim of high education is to cultivate independent, socially adaptable, competitive citizens and human society is a combination of men and women, introduction of coeducation will help students to suit the society better learn more. So before asking the foregoing question, it is hasty for the authors to make the conclusion only by taking account of the general will.

To sum up, after pointing out so many obvious flaws in the recommendation, we can say that the evidence cited by the authors can hardly be relied on. Before reaching a final conclusion and making recommendation, the authors should reconsider the reliability of the surveys and whether the advantages cited in the argument of remaining all females is persuasive or not.

这篇写了好长时间，真的很棘手

普渡哥 · 发表于 2012-11-3 09:42:44

In the argument, the authors recommend that Grove College should preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education based on the following reasons: results of two surveys reveal the facts that both the majority of students and alumnae supports remain the old tradition and keeping the college all females will improve morale and convince alumnae to supporting the college financially.

第一句，很长，分析下这句话的结构吧。如果结构有问题或者语法过多，会影响别人的理解。我看到至少四五处错误。

zhanghaolin · 发表于 2012-11-3 10:02:02

In the argument, the authors recommend that Grove College should preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education for the following reasons: (1) results of two surveys reveal the facts that the majority of students and alumnae support to remain the old tradition; (2) keeping the college all females will improve morale and convince alumnae to supporting the college financially.

还是分开来写吧。

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-11-3 14:42:29

In the argument, the authors recommend that Grove Collegeshould preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education based on thefollowing reasons: results of two surveys reveal the facts that both themajority of students and alumnae supports remain the old tradition and keepingthe college all females will improve morale and convince alumnae to supportingthe college financially. However, I am afraid the argument can hardly bearfurther consideration because there might be multiple explanations for theevidence.

First, the authors do not present specificinformation about the respondents in neither of the two surveys. For example,since Grove College
is a school with a history of atleast a hundred years, it surely has a large number of alumnae with differentjobs, social backgrounds and life experience. It is not surprising thatdistinctive people have various opinions about educational styles.（这两句作为铺垫还可以，但说理就不行，还要再直接些） So, itis reasonable for us to ask how did the conductor decide which alumnae ?should be asked andwhether the respondents are representative enough to stand for all alumnae ornot? （前面几句其实你最好这么说，如果调查所涉及到的校友是随机选择的，考虑进了不同的背景等等，然后……再说如果没考虑到，会出现什么情况，比如假如说问到的人都是某一类什么样的人的生活，会得到题目中的结论，因而不科学不可信）In addition to above（这俩词可以不要）, the surveyof the students might not reveal the essence of the problem. Because when thepolicy or regulation does not seriously impact the life of people, it is humannature that results the partiality to maintain current situation rather thanchange it even though the change might lead a better situation. In this case,the survey might only represent that students are used to the all-femaleeducation but cannot prove its advantages over coeducation.同样的后面这个对调查的说明，跟第一个的问题差不多。

Furthermore, we should ask whetherthere is convincible evidence to support that implementation of coeducationwill undermine morale and decrease financial supports from alumnae or not.这句话略显突兀，因为前面没有提到过什么evidence，所以你需要先引出来。 Apparently,the authors make a precipitous assumption that the support from alumnae willdecrease if the college implements coeducation only based on their support ofall female educations; however, the survey does not provide any information orclues, which shows their support are relative to college’s decision. Moreover,the author ignores to take account of effect of the change of applicants ifimplementing a coeducation system. Perhaps the coeducation leads more studentsapply to Grove and increase the income of school, which makes up the losingsupport from alumnae.前面这两段，最好在第一句话就表明你要质疑的是哪一条依据，而不要两段纠结到一起去了。

Last but not the least, even though the result oftwo surveys reflects the mainstream view of the students, the authors shouldconsider whether the all-female system accord with the aim ofeducation or not. （这里是怎么想到的，题目没有说你不能作为观点的部分，只能说采取这个措施会有什么坏的后果或者说，采取这个措施是不是对所有其他的地方都适用，如果不是会怎么怎么样，比如违背教育的初衷之类的）As we know,（argu里面最好不要这么说，因为argu是不需要自己立论的，不要带入自己本身对这个问题的认知和经验，只需推理就好） since theaim of high education is to cultivate independent, socially adaptable,competitive citizens and human society is a combination of men and women,introduction of coeducation will help students to suit the society better learnmore. So before asking the foregoing question, it is hasty for the authors tomake the conclusion only by taking account of the general will.

To sum up, after pointing out so many obviousflaws in the recommendation, we can say that the evidence cited by the authorscan hardly be relied on. Before reaching a final conclusion and makingrecommendation, the authors should reconsider the reliability of the surveysand whether the advantages cited in the argument of remaining all females ispersuasive or not.
综上，作者还需加强规范化的训练，argu到后来的模式很固定，自己只需说明自己的推理就好。

zhanghaolin · 发表于 2012-11-3 17:09:12

倒，看这样式，竹林中人是下功夫修改了，先在此谢过。

[作文互改] argument 149，求修改

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