ChaseDream
搜索
返回列表 发新帖
查看: 3484|回复: 1
打印 上一主题 下一主题

[作文互改] Argu 92 第一篇 求拍~

[复制链接]
跳转到指定楼层
楼主
发表于 2012-9-13 18:12:54 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
92. Workers in the small town of Leeville take fewer sick days than workers in the large city of Masonton, 50 miles away. Moreover, relative to population size, the diagnosis of stress-related illness is proportionally much lower in Leeville than in Masonton. According to the Leeville Chamber of Commerce, these facts can be attributed to the health benefits of the relatively relaxed pace of life in Leeville.
one or more alternative explanations

The author states two facts: fewer sick days the workers take and lower stress-related illness rate when comparing the small town Leeville and the large city Mansonton. Then it is said the facts are the results of the health benefits of the relatively relaxed pace of life in Leeville. However, do the two “facts” mentioned truly reflect the health benefit in Leeville? Even so, the statement only point out one single possible reason that may have led to the phenomimum, without considering several other more important factors.
 
One possible explanation for the facts are the different patterns of industrial structure and economic development between small and large cities. Normally, in small cities, manual workshops, semi-processed manufacturing, agriculture and animal husbandry, travelling, retailing are the main industries, in which have no cut-throat competition. As a result, people tend to balance these traditional industries with their life better than those in large cities, where emerging industries like advanced manufacturing, financial services, culture and creative industries and logistics have fierce competition. Furthermore, large cities have participated more into global collaboration, which steps up people’s life space to an extent we have never met before. Therefore, it is the different patterns of industrial structure that actually lead to the facts mentioned by the author.
 
Another possible explanation for the facts are the different natural and social environments. Small cities have less polluted water and air. Besides, citizens there have weaker awareness of competition since most of the people lead rather similar lives. However, in big cities, automobile exhaust, light pollution and large amount of waste water are among many pollution types. Moreover, the philosophy of success prevails in large cities where everyone is expecting to gain adequate status through continuous efforts. Staying in environment like this, it is very easy for them to have physical and mental collapse.
 
Another possible explanation for the facts are the different population structure. In the large city, the rate of working population and retired senior citizens may be much higher than that in the small city, due to immigration and other reasons. With most of people in a workplace in Masonton, of course the stress-related illness rate relative to the population size will be higher since retired citizens usually lead a rather leisured life. Moreover, there may also be labor redundancy in the large city because of large amount of workforce. The employees in large cities may work much harder to avoid being laid off, which may also cause mental pressure.
 
The reasons for the facts, however, instead of different life pace, are actually rooted in the different development stage of the two cities. As a result, as a city develops, the concomitant change in industrial structure, natural and social environment, population structure will surely result in different human behaviors and mental and physical status.
收藏收藏 收藏收藏
沙发
发表于 2012-9-14 12:22:13 | 只看该作者
第三段和第四段两个another,结构不是很舒畅。作者会写作,梳理一下结构会更好。多看看范文。
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

Mark一下! 看一下! 顶楼主! 感谢分享! 快速回复:

手机版|ChaseDream|GMT+8, 2025-6-17 16:08
京公网安备11010202008513号 京ICP证101109号 京ICP备12012021号

ChaseDream 论坛

© 2003-2025 ChaseDream.com. All Rights Reserved.

返回顶部