评点我自己的两篇作文 tpo 11

FinDude · 发表于 2012-8-15 04:55:57

下面两篇作文是我刚刚在定时的条件下写的。如果不定时的话，当然我可以写得更好，因为有更多的时间polish。anyway，发上来或许有点参考价值？

The professor gives apower rebuttal of the opinions expressed in the passage.

First of all, thepassage claims that the deline in the reading of literature causes the loss ofintellectual stimulation. The professor obviously disagrees. She argues thatbooks on sciences, history or politics are well-written and creative.Therefore, when people are reading these books, they can also get theintellectual stimulation. In other words, literature is not the sole providerof intellectual stimulation.

Decline 拼写错了.
Intellectual stimulation这个短语用得太频繁，显然可以换词：例如intellectually stimulating. 其实换成cultural nourishment就好了。用词正确，且显示词汇宽度。

Second, the passage alsopoints to the decrease in the book reading generally. Assuming that is true,the professor maintains that such a change does not imply the decline ofcultural standards. Nowadays, the public can listen to music and see a movie.Those cultural products might also be of high quality. In short, it is notwarranted to assume that literature is the only culturally valuable way ofexpression. Even without the books, people can get the "culturalnutrition" elsewhere.

这个地方自己编造了一个短语culturalnutrition不太好，似乎没有人这样用。
教授还提到了movie 等更能speak to the contemporary concerns thanliterature does.
她的目的是说，不读书不代表文化衰退。

Third, the passage seems to blame thedecreased public consumption of literature on readers. The professor refutessuch an oppinion by pointing out that the authors should be responsible.Authors in the current society deliberately make books difficult to understand,thus causing the decline of readership.Furthermore, she argues that the readersfrom the past might not be interested in reading today's literature either,simply because it is too difficult. In short, the writters should shoulder theresponsibility of the decline in the reading of literature.
Opinion 拼写错了。
Readership 这个词用得较好：
[sing] (a)number of readers of a newspaper, periodical, etc （报刊等的）读者人数:The Daily Echo has a readership of over tenmillion. 《每日回声报》拥有读者逾一千万人.
Writers这个词拼写错了。
Responsibilityfor the decline of something.
Some people say that the Internet providespeople with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to muchinformation creates problems. Which view do you agree with?

I agree with both viewswith qualifications. It is true that internet is a place where we can find lotsof useful information. Meanwhile, it is also true that the easy access to muchinformation can be problematic.

First of all, there isno denying that we now live in the so-called information age, largely because ofthe invention of internet. Almost everyone has benefited from the abundance ofinformation. For example, 30 years ago, when a Chinese student wanted to applyto an American university, he/she had to write to the university, get theapplication information and then mail the application package. However, how isone supposed to know the mail address of a certain university? Or how can theapplicant decide which university to apply to? In fact, in those early days,most students who got the information had relatives or friends who livedabroad. Alternatively, they had exclusive access to the information provided bythe government. As a result, few students in the working-class families had theopportunies of going abroad. However, the situation changes dramatically withthe advent of internet. Now everyone who has a computer hooked up with theinternet can easily browse the application information online. Sometimes wetend to take such an easy access for granted. However, if we take a step backand think about how difficult it was for an ordinary student to gain theapplication information, it would immediately become clear to us the greatvalue of the free flowing of information enabled by the internet. Of course,univeristy applications is just one example. People also use internet to obtaininformation about their health, jobs, financial management and myriads of otherthings. Therefore, it is beyond any reasonable doubt that internet provides uswith useful information.
Opportunities拼写错了
Internet 的I要大写
University 拼写错了。
University applicationis just…. 不要说applications

Nevertheless, we cannotneglect the fact that the easy (sometimes unlimited and unregulated) access tothe sea of information does have some unwanted effects. The most notableexample that comes to my mind is that the bomber learned how to make a bombonline. Then tragedy struck: he blew up more than 20 people. There have alsobeen reports suggesting that terrorits are using Google map to gain informationabout some military facities or even nuclear facilities. Obviously, it imposesserious public security risks. Moreover, some parents are concerned that theiryoung children are exposed to internet porn or violence. The early exposure,some argue, could have far-reaching negative effects on Children's psychology.In this sense, internet is also full of "bad" information.
第一次提到的时候，应该说onebomber
Terrorist 和facility拼写错了

To sum up, we should strike a balance ofproper supervision and free flow of information. On the one hand, the positivebenefits of the internet should be maximized. People should continue to getimportant information about their daily lives and so forth from the internet.On the other hand, careful regulation is necessary. For example, theinformation that could threaten national security should not be accessible tothe public.

晨依Jacqueline · 发表于 2012-9-7 21:15:53

建议发到写作区

[备考日记] 评点我自己的两篇作文 tpo 11

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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