Jijismile的作文贴

jijismile · 发表于 2012-8-24 22:31:50

8月24日第一次写托福作文写的很烂忘猛拍
Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Do you A/D?

For the first glance someone may think that movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave, because there are so much uncomfortable behaves in the movies or television programs. Young people may absorb a lot of bad habits from movies and television programs. However, I do not think so.

Firstly, in general most of movies and television programs are made as good examples. The producers of movies or television should consider the influences of these movies or television programs before they product them. And the purposes of these movies and television are how to make the audiences moving and learning from them. Let’s take a representative case for example, we can always see the stories about helping people, saving animals and making peace in the movies or television programs. Which one is the most important character for human, evil or nobility? Absolutely, we choose nobility.

Secondly, although there are also some stories and images which made young people uncomfortable or disgusting in movies and television programs, such as killing, damage and so on, these movies and television programs are restricted. The restrictions have two aspects. One is that it is forbidden for young people to watch these violent movies or television programs. Another one is that some movies which are not so much involved in violence or eroticism can be watched only under the controls of their parents. Parents will tell their children what is right and what is wrong and which they should learn and which they should reject.

Admittedly, there are also some young people who made crimes just because of the influences of movies or television programs. But I think when a person is child, he should be taught morality norms, such as what is right and what is wrong. He should know what things he should do and what things he should reject. Teachers and parents should also tell children that some movies or television programs are not real, and they are just for fun and entertainments. Therefore, children will not take some movies or television programs seriously, and will not have bad influences from them.

Consequently, I disagree that movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

378 WORDS

蝴蝶渡海 · 发表于 2012-8-25 16:05:28

红色是错误黄色是比较好的说法蓝色是建议

Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Do you A/D?

For the first glance, someone may think that movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave, because there are so much uncomfortable（uncomfortable，感觉这次用来形容感觉或者舒适度什么比较合适，可以来简单的词汇如bad）behaves(behave是动词形式用behavior) in the movies or television programs. Young people may absorb a lot of bad habits from movies and television programs.（absorb是吸收，感觉用在这不合适，young people may imitate the inglorious behavior from ……. ） However, I do not think so.(最好能把你的观点摆出来)

Firstly, in general most of movies and television programs are made as good examples. The producers of movies or television should consider the influences(influence) of these movies or television programs before they product them. And the purposesof these movies and television arehow to make the audiences moving and learning from them.~~Let’s~~ take a representative case for example, we can always see the stories about helping people, saving animals and making peace in the movies or television programs. Which one is the most important character for human, evil or nobility? Absolutely, we choose nobility.

Secondly, although there are also some stories and images (in movies and television programs) which made young people uncomfortable or(and) disgusting~~in movies and television programs,~~ (前面的，是不是应该去掉？)such as killing, damage and so on, these movies and television programs are restricted. The restrictions have two aspects. One is that it is forbidden for young people to watch these violent movies or television programs. Another one is that some movies which are not so much involved in violence or eroticism can be watched only under the controls of their parents. Parents will tell their children what is right and what is wrong and which they should learn and which they should reject.（这句话有点罗嗦了，Parents will teach their children the criterion about the limitations of what they can accept from the TV and movie programs.）

Admittedly, there are also some young people who made crimes just because of the influences of movies or television programs. But I think when a person is child, he should be taught morality norms, such as what is right and what is wrong. He should know what things he should do(这个不就是义务么。换种说法吧亲) and what things he should reject. Teachers and parents should also tell children that some movies or television programs are not real（realistic）, and they are just for fun ~~and entertainments~~.（这个地方的表达有点问题，仅仅是娱乐节目，我觉得你的说法不是很好，但是我不太会改） Therefore, children will not take some movies or television programs seriously, and will not have bad influences from them(Therefore，If children are away from the movies or television, you will not be badly affected)

Consequently, I disagree that movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.（结尾有点过于简单了。结合一下你前面的观点更好，看下别人的）

378 WORDS

总结一下：对于工作后又回来写，第一次写成这样子不错了，比我的强多了。其实语法或者关于句子结构的错误不是很多，也可能是我没看出来。主要的问题是一些词语用法的不适当，而且第三段写的有些勉强，感觉就是重复第二段。需要一些让人眼前一亮的句子，这能给你提升不少分数，多一些疑问句，反问句，倒装句。我的水品其实也不是很行的，你可以问问群里的作文写得好的技巧鹤鹤啦，鸟儿，晨依，都会给你帮助的。

有什么地方改的不对的，及时给我说说啊，我也好改正

jijismile · 发表于 2012-8-26 01:31:57

8-25 In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.

The issue of whether people should review the past in order to solve the problems of the present and the future is a complex and controversial one. Different people may hold different views due to their respective angles. As my opinion, I advocate that people should review the past for solving the problems of the present and the future.

First of all, in this word most of all has its own objective laws. When we fall in some kind of situation A for the first, we almost have no idea about it and we might not know what it is going on. What should we do? We can find another situation B which already happened in the past but is very likely to situation A. According to the result of situation B, we can predict the consequence of situation A and make some actions as soon as possible. There are colossal amounts of examples abound in history or our life. Especially in mathematics and physics it can be conclusion that every sophisticated and advanced theory was established in terms of kinds of simple and elementary theories.

In addition, a person should make a retrospect of what he has done recently. Nobody can do everything perfectly, and people always make some mistakes. Therefore, people should confess his sins timely and solicit forgiveness from others. After he has done this, he would make a right choice when the same things
happened to him. In other words, this person could successfully deal with the problems in case of that he had made a review of the same problems occurred in the past.

Admittedly, someone suggests that something is always varying, therefore, although we review the past, it is nothing to do with solving the problems of the present and the future. It is no doubt that something happened like this. But we should speculate carefully, and find out the beginning, the procedure, and the purposes. More or less it would help me predict the results. So, reviewing the past is significant for solving problems.

Taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, we could understand the laws about objects through review of the past, and find out what mistakes we have done, finally make a prediction about the result in order to solve problems which happened again. Thus, I endorse the idea that in order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.

eone1025 · 发表于 2012-8-26 09:38:23

红色是有错的绿色是我改写的黄色是我圈出来的

The issue of whether people should review the past in order to solve the problems of the present and the future is a complex and controversial one.我觉得应该简单概括一下主题或者用另外的说法形容一下题目而不要照抄Different people may hold different views due to their respective angles.这句话的写法是没问题啦，但是我会觉得有点累赘，有增加字数的嫌疑。 As my opinion, I advocate that people should review the past for solving the problems of the present and the future.
First of all, in this word这个词组不能用在这里，前无古人后无来者的 most of all have their own objective laws. (When we fall in some kind of situation A for the first, we almost have no idea about it and we might not know what it is going on.) When an unseen condition comes to us, we may be at a loss to figure some process to deal with the problem. What should we do? (We can find another situation B which already happened in the past but is very likely to situation A.) 其实题目没有提到发生问题的情况是否是一致的，不必自己区分的那么开反而不好写。A similar experience from the past may do some favor for us to solve the difficulty of the situation. According to the result of situation B, we can predict the consequence of situation A and take some actions as soon as possible. There are colossal amounts of examples abound in history or in our life, especially in mathematics and physics.这里的断句断错了。 It can be conclusion that every sophisticated and 我有点不知道and是否要加在这里因为很容易造成别人把sophisticated 当成名词advanced theory was established in terms of kinds of simple and elementary theories.
In addition, a person should make a retrospect of what he has done recently. 为什么要这么做？要解释一下的Nobody can do everything perfectly, and people always make some mistakes. Therefore, people should confess his sins 犯错不是犯罪而且好像偏了题了,文章不是说从错误里获得成功timely and solicit forgiveness from others已经变成了道德问题了么. After he has done this, he would make a right choice when the same things (happened) occurred to him. In other words, this person could successfully deal with the problems in case of that he had made a review of the same problems occurred in the past. 第二段还是缺乏实例，显得空洞。
Admittedly, someone suggests that something is always varying,things won’t remain the same. Therefore, although we review the past, it has nothing to do with solving the problems of the present and the future.这句话的感觉还是很奇怪的。It cannot help to solve the problems of the present and the future. It is no doubt that something happened like this.好累赘的这句话。But we should speculate carefully, and find out the beginning, the procedure, and the purposes. More or less it would help me predict the results. So, reviewing the past is significant for solving problems. 如果说不同背景的问题最后还是可以参考以前的经验来得到解决的话就不如写成是一种附加情况而不是一种新的情况。我是这样觉得的啊。
Taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, we could understand the laws about objects through review of the past, and find out what mistakes we have done, finally make a prediction about the result in order to solve problems which happened again. Thus, I endorse the idea that in order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.

举例子还是要举实际例子比较好，情况1和情况2这种比较没有说服力，自己掰也是可以的，因为考官并不一定知道情况是否是真的。
请注意语法的问题。
其他还是句子的描述方法的问题，建议多看优秀作文。

jijismile · 发表于 2012-8-27 02:32:52

8月26日
What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research?

The issue is a complex and controversial one. Different people may hold different views due to their respective angles. As my opinion, I advocate that the main role of the university professor should be to do research.

Firstly, research is the most valuable and important for professor. Today, we can get a lot of convenience accord to using vehicles, electrical equipments, medicines and so on. But several hundreds of years ago, all these things were unbelievable and unimaginable for people at that time. The world is becoming much better and more effective because of the improvement of technology which is created or developed through all kinds of research. Without research the world would become another kind of appearances. So doing research is the mission of a professor and would bring benefits to human beings.

Secondly, professor should not spend much time on educating students. Professor should make students to work out problems and overcome difficulties independently as far as possible. If professor always educate students, they will follow whatever professor said, and never think by themselves. Let us take a representative case for example, when I was college student, a professor who in charge of teaching data structure was a very ardent, patient one, and usually helped students to solve problems, even work out the result step by step himself. As time passed, lazy students thought they need not study the knowledge seriously because they can get help from the professor. But, they got failed in the final examination. Therefore, professor should take right method to educate students and the main role of professor is not to educate students.

Admittedly, there are some professors who can do nothing but research. They also never educate students. I really disagree with something like this. I think a good professor should assign his time to every job rationally and correctly. Although the major job for a professor is to do research, he should take time to educate his students, such as showing a basic method or draw an attention for students. His students could improve their abilities by doing things like this.

Consequently, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, professor should take less time on educating students in order to develop their independence and pay much more attentions to doing research in order to improve technology level. Thus, the main role of professor is not education for students but doing research.

夜游的恶鸟 · 发表于 2012-8-27 11:03:18

改8月26日
What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research?

______错误 ______ 不恰当 _____修改
The issue is a complex and controversialone. Different people may hold different views due to their respective angles.As my opinion, I advocate that the main role of the university professor shouldbe to do research.

Firstly, research is the most valuable and important for professor. Today, wecan get a lot of convenience according to using vehicles,electrical equipments,medicines and so on. But severalhundreds of years ago(hundredsof years ago）, all these things were unbelievable and unimaginable for people atthat time. The world is becoming much better and more effective because of theimprovement of technology which is created or developed through all kinds ofresearch. Without research theworld would become another kind of appearances.（这句话虽然想表达世界将是另外一番景象，但如果说没有这些研究，生活将远远没有现在这么便捷会更有说服力一点吧） So doing research is the mission of a professor and would bringbenefits to human beings.

Secondly, professor should not spend much time on（in） educatingstudents. Professor should make students to work out problems and overcomedifficulties independently asfar as possible. If professor always educate students, they will follow whateverprofessor said, and never think by themselves. Let us take a representativecase for example, when I was college student, a professor who in charge ofteaching data structure was a veryardent, patient one（ardent and patient）, and usuallyhelped students to solve problems, even work out the result step by step himself(himself step by step).As time passed by,lazy students thought they neednot study the knowledge seriously because they can get help from theprofessor. But, they gotfailed in the final examination.(unfortunately, they got failed in thefinal examination without daily independent study) Therefore, professor shouldtake right method to educate students and the main role of professor is not toeducate students.

Admittedly, there are some professors who can do nothing but research. Theyalso never educate students. I really disagree with something like this. Ithink a good professor should assign his time to every job rationally andcorrectly. Although the major job for a professor is to do research, he shouldtake time to educate his students, such as showing a basic method or draw(drawing) an attention for students. His students could improve theirabilities by doing things like this.(by doing things like this好像是通过学生做了showing basic method or drawing an attention for students)

Consequently, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, a professor should takeless time on educating students in order to develop their independence and paymuch more attentions(attention) to doingresearch in order to improve technology level. Thus, the main role of professoris not education for students but doing research.

整篇文章有些汉语的感觉，分析的挺好，也举了例子说明~只是有些用词要注意一下了~一些常用的词组记得不牢固，会有些小错误~多多看点高分范文，培养一下英文句子思维~
主要存在问题：
1、词组不准确。
2、句子中文化。

夜游的恶鸟 · 发表于 2012-8-27 21:44:43

建议看《张宏岩十天搞定toefl作文》第五章第二节。

jijismile · 发表于 2012-8-28 15:57:03

8月27日 Know a person from type of friends that he has, agree or disagree?

Some may advocate that we can know a person from type of friends. However, others may suggest that knowing a person by this way is not correct, and may cause a faulty result. For the first glance I really have no idea about the validity of the assertion. But after a sufficient consideration, I disagree on the idea that knowing a person can be from type of his friends.

The type of a person’s friends depends on the factors of life environment, work position and so on. Therefore, just according to type of a person’s friends, it is impossible to know him correctly. For example, I have a college classmate who is a salesman now. Because of his work position, he must do much connection with all kinds of people, sometimes he also makes friends with parts of them. So, his friend includes students, peasants, workers, doctors, and me. Could we make sure what kinds of person he is like just through the type of his friends? Of course we cannot.

We have discussed that from type of his friends we cannot know a person well above. Moreover, what factors can help us to understand a person well? I think the answers are the education from his parents or teachers, his way in which he is dealing with others, and so on. Take a typical case for example, everyone knows Leifeng in China. As we know, he is a kind-hearted, brave, altruistic person. Because he always helps others, as time passed by, more and more people are getting known of him. He is a soldier. So, most of his friends may be soldiers, too. I think it is not the type of his friends by which all people we know him, but the way in which he is getting along with others.

Admittedly, some suggest that a person can be affected by his friends. It means that a person may be getting more and more similar with his friends. It is no doubt that something like this exists. However, as my opinion, it depends on whether he is obstinate or docile. If a person is very obstinate, whatever his friends tell him, he would not follow it. Thus, he is what he is, and has nothing with his friends.

In conclusion, the main factors through which we can get known of a person is not type of his friends, but the way in which he gets alone with others. Therefore, I disagree on the argument that we can know a person from the type of friends that he has.

margrate · 发表于 2012-8-28 22:07:09

Some may advocate that we can know a person from type of friends. However, others may suggest that knowing a person by this way is not correct, and may cause a faulty result. For the first glance I really have no idea about the validity of the assertion. (这种句子不要出啦)But after a sufficient consideration(这种句子除非是要凑字数，尽量不要添加一些冗余的句式), I disagree on the idea that knowing a person can be from type of his friends.

The type of a person’s friends depends on ~~the~~ factors of life environment, work position and so on. (这个地方表达的有些中国式 )Therefore, just according to type of a person’s friends, it is impossible to know him correctly. For example, I have a college classmate who is a salesman now. Because of his work position, he must do much connection with all （要加强native English 的感觉，如果是我话，我会直接用deal with）kinds of people,(句子和句子之间，如果没有连词，要用句号哦！) sometimes he also makes friends with parts of them. So, his friends (这里要用复数吧)includes students, peasants, workers, doctors, and me. Could we make sure what kinds of person he is like just through the type of his friends? Of course we cannot.

中心句不够明显

We have discussed that from type of his friends we cannot know a person well above. （有点冗余）Moreover, what factors can help us to understand a person well? I think the answers are the education from his parents or teachers, his way in which he is dealing with others, （小tip，尽量不要使用I 之类的）and so on. Take a typical case for example, everyone knows Leifeng in China. （这里不够明确，如果我的话会写most of Chinese people know Leifeng, a very kind-hearted man）As we know, he is a kind-hearted, brave, altruistic person. Because he always helps others, as time passed by, more and more people are getting known of him. He is a soldier. So, most of his friends may be soldiers, too. I think it is not the type of his friends by which all people we know him, but the way in which he is getting along with others. (这个例子好牵强啊)

Admittedly, some suggest that a person can be affected by his friends. It means that （建议用in other words/that is to say）a person may be getting more and more similar with his friends. It is no doubt that something like this exists. However, as my opinion, it depends on whether he is obstinate or docile（我都不认识）. If a person is very obstinate, whatever his friends tell him, he would not follow it. Thus, he is what he is, （太chinglish了）and has nothing with his friends.

In conclusion, the main factors through which we can ~~get~~known of a person is not type of his friends, but the way in which he gets alone with others. Therefore, I disagree on the argument that we can know a person from the type of friends that he has.

总体上建议看一下185，加强native English 的使用，尽量避免chinglish啦

jijismile · 发表于 2012-9-3 22:30:50

9.3 综合作文第一次写综合，望猛拍！
The reading passage presented some ideas that Chevalier, considered as a somewhat controversial figure, distorted or invented many events in the memoir to make his life seem more exciting and glamorous than it really was. However, the professor suggests that everything in his memoir is true in the listening passage.

Firstly, the professor advocates that Chevalier were very rich and he had a lot of properties to make money. She also thinks that the reasons of critics were very poor. According to the memoir, Chevalier was a wealthy person, and he had huge money.

Secondly, the professor believes that nobody could remember everything happened years ago accurately. But Chevalier had portrayed everything he could remember. Moreover, several years later writer Voltaire had verified the conversation between them. So, conversation is reliable in the memoir.

Thirdly, in the Venetian prison there were several much more powerful persons, but they could not get out of the prison by their connections with politics. So, Chevalier could not live the prison either through his well-connected friends. And there was a document found in the government that is used to make sure that the room for Chevalier had been repaired. It is suggested that Chevalier had destroyed the room and escape from the prison.

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