freddychan首次作文贴，求猛拍~~

freddychan · 发表于 2012-8-22 12:13:06

第一次发作文贴，9月中旬就要二战了，希望大家狠拍~~
8/22 Parentsshould help children to do their work or encourage children to do their workindependently.
Inorder to get good scores and make progress on study, nowadays, teachers tend togive students a lot of school assignments and extensive readings. Thus,students feel fatigued to finish their studies, which make their parents feelso heartbroken and want to relieve their heavy burden. It’s under thisbackground that a considerably fierce controversy has occurred as to whetherparents should help children to do their work or encourage them to do itindependently. Nevertheless, from my personal perspective, it’s better to teachchildren how to get through it by themselves.
Firstof all, it’s always my top viewpoint that the independent living ability is oneof the most important skills which will benefit us all through our lives. To makemy demonstration more profound and comprehensive, I’d like to cite our Chinese oldsaying that “It’s better to teach a man fishing than give him a fish.” It’strue that if parents do children a favor, it’s much easier for them to conquerthe life hardships and relive the heavy study burden. But this help istemporary, and can’t last forever, which means that children will incrediblyface the challenges alone one day. And how they deal with the problems at thattime? Definitely, achieve nothing! So why not encourage them to do their workindependently and find the solutions with their own efforts? Remember, nocross, no crown. Only when they experience everything themselves, can theyhandle them next time. Imagine that if you choose to study aboard one day, andyou even can’t make a simple omelet, that’s really a shame.
Secondly,it’s essential to mention that making some mistakes may bring about somesurprising result. The main reason the parents want to help children to dotheir work is that they worry about children’s failures. They feel anxiouswhether their kid can recover soon after the setbacks. If not, it will ruin theirwhole life. It’s reasonable out of parents’ care and making mistakes is apainful experience. However, it’s part of being human, and ultimately help usto develop character, self-awareness and understanding of others. As a famoussaying says, “Failure is the mother of success.” Only from the mistakes we havemade in the past, can we find out where our shortcoming is and help us to do itbetter in the future.
Inthe light of what has mentioned above, it’s clear to conclude that parentsshould encourage children to do their work independently. Admittedly, it willrelive the heavy burden on children if parents help them to do their work, butwe should have a long-term version and all these benefits are pale whencompared to the advantages the children’s independent work carries.
话说写完这篇文章感觉有点文不对题，大家给点建议。字数453

猫和鸭 · 发表于 2012-8-23 10:02:25

8/22 Parentsshould help children to do their work or encourage children to do their workindependently.Inorder to get good scores and make progress on study, nowadays, teachers tend togive students a lot of school assignments and extensive readings. Thus,students feel fatigued to finish their studies, which make their parents feelso heartbroken and want to relieve their heavy burden. 在开头以此论点强调的标题的原义，没有套用模板的形式，值得学习。It’s under thisbackground that a considerably fierce controversy has occurred as to whetherparents should help children to do their work or encourage them to do itindependently. Nevertheless, from my personal perspective, it’s better to teachchildren how to get through it by themselves.Firstof all, it’s always my top viewpoint that the independent living ability is oneof the most important skills which will benefit us all through our lives. To makemy demonstration more profound and comprehensive, I’d like to cite our Chinese oldsaying that “It’s better to teach a man fishing than give him a fish.” It’strue that if parents do children a favor, it’s much easier for them to conquer the life hardships and relive the heavy study burden. But this help is temporary, and can’t last forever, which means that children will incredibly face the challenges alone one day. And how they deal with the problems at that time? Definitely, achieve nothing! So why not encourage them to do their work independently and find the solutions with their own efforts? Remember, nocross, no crown. Only when they experience everything themselves, can they handle them next time. Imagine that if you choose to study aboard one day, and you even can’t make a simple omelet, that’s really a shame.
Secondly,it’s essential to mention that making some mistakes may bring about some surprising result. The main reason the parents want to help children to do their work is that they worry about children’s failures. They feel anxious whether their kid can recover soon after the setbacks. If not, it will ruin their whole life. It’s reasonable out of parents’ care and making mistakes is apainful experience. However, it’s part of being human, and ultimately help us to develop character, self-awareness and understanding of others. As a famous saying says, “Failure is the mother of success.” Only from the mistakes we have made in the past, can we find out where our short coming is and help us to do it better in the future.In the light of what has mentioned above, it’s clear to conclude that parents should encourage children to do their work independently. Admittedly, it will relive the heavy burden on children if parents help them to do their work, but we should have a long-term version and all these benefits are pale when compared to the advantages the children’s independent work carries.最后一句是亮点啊。话说写完这篇文章感觉有点文不对题，大家给点建议。字数453

MM，很惭愧滴说，我的水平真的不配给你批改啊，我才开始攻写作啊。。。看得出MM的语言功底和词汇活用的很好啊，文章架构和句式都很完美了，我只能当作范文欣赏一下了。不像我套用模板的痕迹那是相当的明显的，瀑布汗啊，麻烦你帮我批改的时候内心强大点哈。

BTW，祝你考出好成绩啊，吼吼~~~~

freddychan · 发表于 2012-8-23 11:20:07

thks guys~~~我马上去改你的~~

freddychan · 发表于 2012-8-23 17:00:45

8/23: For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school.

  With the advent of the new century, more and more people want to persue the success so as to live a happy life. So they want to find the best way to be succeeded. It's against this background that a considerably fierce controversy has occurred as to whether the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school for success in a future job. Nevertheless, from my personal perspective, the ability to maintain a good and solid relationship with people around is far more important and the reasons are summarized as follows.
  First of all, it's always top of the list of my viewpoints that the power of a team is much stronger than only a person. To make my demonstration more profoundly and comprehensively, I would like to cite the example about the most famous basketball player Michael Jordan. Michael is named as the god of the basketball.He has led the Chicago Bulls to win the six NBA championships and he won almost all the reputations he could get. When he mentioned his career, he always said that without the help of Pippen ,Grant and many other good players I will achieve nothing, and basketball belongs to five.So the power of one person is limited, but if we stay together to solve the problem, nothing will stop us.
  Secondly, the different efficiency between these two ways also provides adequate justification for my opinion. One of my favorable celebrities has mentioned that more heads are better than one. It means that facing the same task, a group of people can finish it much faster than only a person does. Different people may hold different ideas about the same things so that we can consider more and finish the task much perfect. That is the reason why now more and more interviews need several people to form a team temporarily to solve the problem. It has been the basic ability that the managers consider.
  What's more,it's essential to build up a tight relationship with colleagues, boss, and clients. Undoubtedly, the boss views more abilities of learning new knowledge and skills than past study experience in school. The results and achievement are viewed as the most important in many companies. Besides, what is learned during school, sometimes, doesn't keep the pace of times. When people are exposed to the career, they have to learn new technologies and knowledge all the time. The capability of learning weighs more than knowledge itself. Moreover, the ability to relate well cannot be learned from books. People are usually aware of it through their own experience.
  In the light of the above statements, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school for success in a future job. Admittedly, studying hard is important that can broad our horizon and enrich the knowledge, but all these benefits are pale when compared to the advantages of the ability to well get along with the people around.

freddychan · 发表于 2012-8-23 19:19:36

TPO 21 综合
The lecture apparently refutes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the professor, there are some serious problems and causes associated with genetic modified trees. On the contrary, the reading contends an opposite stand that planting genetically modified trees on a large scale promises to bring a number of benefits.
The first point the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is that the genetic modified tree may be persistent in one particular condition, but it doesn’t necessarily show their survival. As for a typical non-modified tree population, when facing most threatening conditions, there would be at least some individual tree were resistant. That means that even most of those trees are killed, these fewer resistant trees will survive, and ensure the survival of this species of tree. But the genetic modified trees are genetically much more uniform. So if they meet some special conditions that they can’t resist, they will all die out.
The professor also points out that there are hidden causes associated with genetic modified trees. They are charged much more than the non-modified ones and after you ground the trees, you can’t collect seeds and plant new trees for free. By law, you have to pay the company every time you plant. However, the reading states that genetically modified trees promise to bring a number of economic benefits to those who grow them.
Another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage is that genetic modified trees might cause even more damages to the local wild trees. They are more aggressively than the natural trees do and outcompete the natural resources. While the reading claims that the use of genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wild trees.
In the conclusion, the point made in the lecture contrasts with what is presented in the reading.

sherryzhangh · 发表于 2012-8-24 11:12:07

The lecture apparently refutes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the professor, there are some serious problems and causes associated with genetic modified trees. On the contrary, the reading contends an opposite stand that planting genetically modified trees on a large scale promises to bring a number of benefits.开头简洁明了,而且没有什么模板痕迹,很赞!

The first point the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is that the genetic modified tree may be persistent in one particular condition, but it doesn’t necessarily show their survival ability is stronger than the natural ones.(还是加上后边的吧，要不然感觉句子不完整) As for a typical non-modified tree population, when facing most threatening conditions, there would be at least some individual tree were resistant. That means that even most of those trees are killed, these fewer resistant trees will survive, and ensure the survival of this species of tree. But the genetic modified trees are genetically much more uniform. So if they meet some special conditions that they can’t resist, they will all die out.

The professor also points out that there are hidden causes associated with genetic modified trees. They are charged much more than the non-modified ones and after you ground the trees, you can’t collect seeds and plant new trees for free. By law, you have to pay the company every time you plant. However, the reading states that genetically modified trees promise to bring a number of economic benefits to those who grow them.

Another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage is that genetic modified trees might cause even more damages to the local wild trees. They are more aggressively than the natural trees do and outcompete the natural resources. While the reading claims that the use of genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wild trees.

In the conclusion, the point made in the lecture contrasts with what is presented in the reading.

楼主写的很不错，加油！！

jeffery2541 · 发表于 2012-8-24 12:35:59

With the advent of(good) the new century, more and more people want to persue the success so as to live a happy life. So they want to find the best way to be succeeded(successful). It's against this background that a considerably fierce controversy has occurred as to whether the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school for success in a future job. Nevertheless, from my personal perspective(good), the ability to maintain a good and solid relationship with people around is far more important and the reasons are summarized as follows.

First of all, it's always (you've missed the preposition "at"; at the top means the highest or most important rank or position)top of the list of(it sounds uncomfortable to me when of is used one after another; perhaps better this way: In my list of viewpoints, it is always at top that...) my viewpoints that the power of a team is much stronger than (you've missed the subject you want to compare with the power of a team; add "that of")only a person. To make my demonstration more profoundly and comprehensively(good), I would like to cite the example about the most famous basketball player Michael Jordan. Michael is named as the god of the basketball.He has led the Chicago Bulls to win the six NBA championships and he won almost all the reputations(you mean awards?) he could get. When he mentioned his career, he always said that without the help of Pippen ,Grant and many other good players I will achieve(pay attention to tense; it should be like this: without...I couldn't have achieved anything) nothing, and (better preserve "that")basketball belongs to five("game is five"更地道). So the power of one person is limited, but if we stay together to solve the problem, nothing will stop us.

Secondly, the different efficiency between these two ways also provides adequate justification for my opinion. One of my favorable celebrities has mentioned that more heads are better than one. It means that facing the same task, a group of people can finish it much faster than only a person does. Different people may hold different ideas about the same things(thing) so that we can consider more and finish the task much perfect(much more perfectly). That is the reason why now more and more interviews need several people to form a team temporarily to solve the problem. It has been the basic ability that the managers consider(你是不是想说“it已经成为经理们认为的基本能力”？if so, better this way: It has been the ability that the managers consider basic).

What's more,it's essential to build up a tight relationship with colleagues, boss, and clients. Undoubtedly, the boss views more abilities of learning new knowledge and skills than past study experience in school(a little bit confusing啊亲~). The results and achievement are viewed as the most important(是不是少了哪个名词呢？) in many companies. Besides, what is learned during school, sometimes, doesn't keep the pace of times. When people are exposed to the career（expose to好像不太合适，expose to是暴露的意思）, they have to learn new technologies and knowledge（科技和知识？） all the time. The capability of learning weighs more than knowledge itself. Moreover, the ability to relate well cannot be learned from books. People are usually aware of it through their own experience.

In the light of the above statements（good）, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school for success in a future job. Admittedly, studying hard is important that（这个定语从句貌似没有先行词哦？） can broad our horizon and enrich the knowledge（good）, but all these benefits are pale when compared to the advantages of the ability to well get along with the people around.

---

总评：文章的观点十分清晰，每段也有观点也有例子，论证很充分。但是，可能语法上的问题显得略多，what's more那段我感觉楼主可能是写着急了，连着的几句话的意思都不是很明白。还有个感觉，就是可能有些表达听起来和外国的说法不太一样，具体怎样才地道，有些我也拿不准的，继续加油啊~

freddychan · 发表于 2012-8-24 19:42:20

8/24 Moviesand television have more negative effects than positive effects on the wayyoung people behave.
Withthe invention of the TV, people now have a new way to make an entertainment torelax them. But spending more time on watching TV will bring about manydisadvantages, especially for children. It’s against this background that aconsiderably fierce controversy has occurred as to whether televisions andmovies have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young peoplebehave. Nevertheless, from my personal perspective, watching movies andtelevisions may good for children’s behavior and my reasons are summarized asfollows.
Firstof all, it’s always top of the list of my viewpoint that watching TV is one ofthe best ways to relax ourselves. Entertainment and relaxation play animportant role in children’s study as it will help them to enjoy a healthierlife and keep in a good mood. Without entertainment, their study efficiencywill be lower. To make my demonstration more profound and comprehensive, I’dlike to say something about my own experience. When I was young, my mother wasso strict that she never allowed me to watch TV and make other entertainmentsbecause she believed that only if I took all the time to work hard, could I keepmoving forward and achieve my goal. But after some exams, she found out that I justlearnt by rote and knew little apart from the knowledge from the textbooks. Thenshe changes her strategy and let me to watch news every night to learn aboutwhat was happening in the world. It was a successful decision which causedgreat impacts on my whole life. During watching TV, I could not only learn thenews, but also relived myself from the heavy study burden which helped me inpositive emotional conditions and improved my efficiency.
Secondly,watching TV and movies are not in contradiction with learning. Many programs arevery educating, such as the discovery channel and the history channel. These willhelp us gain more insights in understanding different cultures and historicalbackgrounds that we encounter in school work. I really enjoy those TV programstaking viewers into the wide nature and explore something we don’t know. It’samazing and I may never have such opportunities to experience it myself. Movieslike Forrest Gump, Goal and other inspiring ones will tell us the spirit ofpersistence, which is a contributing factor to the success. We can learn someknowledge out of the textbooks and these will benefit us all through our lives.
Inthe light of what has mentioned above, it’s easy to conclude that movies andtelevision have more positive effects on children. Admittedly, some movies andTV programs are full of violence and bloody pictures, which will do harm to thegrowth of children, but all these disadvantages are pale when compared to theadvantages that movies and television take.

freddychan · 发表于 2012-8-25 17:32:43

TPO 23 综合
The lecture apparently refutes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the professor, we still don’t know what’s killing the yellow cedar and three hypotheses which are supported in the reading are inadequate.
The first point the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is the cedar bark beetle. He claims that healthy yellow cedars are generally much more resistant to insect invasion than other tree species, so they are unlikely to suffer from the insect damage. As to the beetles, they are not the fundamental cause responsible for the decline of the yellow cedar. While the reading thinks that the yellow cedar decline may be caused by insect parasites, specifically the cedar bark beetle.
The second opposite idea is about the bears. The professor states that although bears damage some trees, they are not the cause of the overall population decline. There are no bears on the island, yet the island cedars are still declining. Since the decline occurs within or without bears, the bears cannot be responsible.
Another evidence the professor adopts to contradict the passage is the theory of roots suffering from the damage. He points out that the reading forgets to take one fact into account, which is many more trees are dying in lower elevation where is warm than in higher elevation where is cold. If the freezing damages were responsible for the decline, we would expect more trees dying in the cold weather of high elevations than of low elevations. Instead, more trees are died in relative warm environment. So although the climate change makes the root more sensitive than what is used to be, this isn’t what killing them.
To sum up, the point made in the lecture contrasts with what is presented in the reading material.

kaddish · 发表于 2012-8-26 22:11:39

The lecture apparently refutes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the professor, we still don’t know what’s killing the yellow cedar and three hypotheses which are supported in the reading are inadequate. 听力听的很好原话了都
The first point the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is the cedar bark beetle. He claims that healthy yellow cedars are generally much more resistant to insect invasion than other tree species, so they are unlikely to suffer from the insect damage. As to the beetles, they are not the fundamental cause responsible for the decline of the yellow cedar. While the reading thinks that the yellow cedar decline may be caused by insect parasites, specifically the cedar bark beetle.这段漏了一点，死亡的树时本身已经有病的
The second opposite idea is about the bears. The professor states that although bears damage some trees, they are not the cause of the overall population decline. There are no bears on the island, yet the island cedars are still declining. Since the decline occurs within or without bears, the bears cannot be responsible.都是从lecture中照抄出来的，不错
Another evidence the professor adopts to contradict the passage is the theory of roots suffering from the （frozen）damage. He points out that the reading forgets to take one fact into account, which is many more trees are dying in lower elevation where is warm than in higher elevation where is cold. If the freezing damages were responsible for the decline, we would expect more trees dying in the cold weather of high elevations than of low elevations. Instead, more trees are died in relative warm environment. So although the climate change makes the root more sensitive than what is used to be, this isn’t what killing them.
To sum up, the point made in the lecture contrasts with what is presented in the reading material.

听力很强大，没有模板痕迹，不错，就是漏了一些小店，抱歉修改迟了，今天有事

freddychan首次作文贴，求猛拍~~

感谢猫和鸭~~~

建议蓝色字，错误红色字，好表达黄色高亮

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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