argument 73 求拍拍。。

离夏 · 发表于 2012-5-17 18:18:42

没几天就要考试了，可是感觉差距还是很大，希望各位路过的G友提一提修改意见，感谢~！！

73.TheMozart School of Music
In this argument, the arguer put forward aconclusion that the Mozart School of Music is the best choice for the studentswho wants to learn a music lesson due to the four listed reasons on thewebsite. Though it seems reasonable at first glance, there remain severalunwarranted assumptions made by the author, so that the argument is stillunconvincing to me.
To begin with, the author made apromise that youngsters at all ability and age levels are welcomed, and that noaudition will be held which may act as a barrier for the enrollment. However, theseare beneficial for the children only under the assumption that the school canteach all of the enrolled children regardless of their levels. Yet, without anyexample provided, the assumption appeared to be unwarranted.
Another appealing factor on the websiteis that, the school offers instruction in nearly all musical instruments aswell a wide range of styles and genres from classical to rock. This piece ofinformation aims to let the parents believe that Mozart School of Music is accessiblein teaching any kind of music with any kind of instruments so that all of theirchildren’s requirement can be meet. Nevertheless, the advertisement on thewebsite is less credible before substantiating the assumption that the teachersneeded in all the courses are available, that can guarantee their musicaleducation.
Furthermore, while the arguer use theemployment of many distinguished musicians in the area as an appealingadvantage of the school, he hastily draws a conclusion by assuming problematicallythat all of the famous musicians referred to in the advertisement are as goodat educating children as their performance in playing the instruments. Because theredo exist some musicians who can perform well but not experienced in teaching.
Finally, the statement that manygraduates have gone on to become well-known and highly paid professionalmusicians is also questionable. Since we are not told what the proportion ofthe people who become famous to those who have graduated from the school is.
To sum up, the advertisement on thewebsite fails to substantiate its claim that Mozart School of Music is best forthe children who wants to learn music because the advantagescited in the advertisement do not lend strong support to what the arguermaintains. Therefore, if the arguer has consideredassumptions above and make them warranted, it wouldhave been more thorough and logically acceptable.

普渡哥 · 发表于 2012-5-17 19:01:55

我觉得作者的写作水平很高，可以展开写写，如果有时间。

离夏 · 发表于 2012-5-17 21:59:32

就是在展开上总觉得没话说，，写这篇的时候用了一个小时才整完。。是不是具体的分析和他因写的还不够啊。。。？？

[作文互改] argument 73 求拍拍。。

所属分类: GRE考试

正在浏览此版块的会员 ()