大家都来帮我改改啊～可是费了很大劲才鼓起勇气的. 这篇是不是有点短啊？

一只麋鹿么 · 发表于 2012-1-8 23:24:59

一篇ISSUE "the best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of the men and women that society chooses as its heroes or its heroines."
Thestatement leads us to a unique way of looking into a society, which I believethat it is partly true. Heroes or Heroines chosen by the society must possess certain characteristics which correspondently fulfill theexpectation of the society at the time and, represent some sort of ability thatmost people lack of, and therefore overcome the negative traits of it race existedsince long time ago. Only in this way, can a single character survive fromoblivion and last permanently in people’s memory. Therefore, by looking at thehero or heroines chosen by the society at its time, we can understand what thesociety lacks of and what they expect from themselves.

Confusionswas a great figure in China’s history, and his impact in the world becomegreater as well. He is famous for his pedagogy and political philosophy. However,his pedagogy was not accepted well at his own time therefore he was not knownat his own time. Since the end of last century, Chinese became to pick up thislong-existed-but-forgotten cultural legacy and its bliss is spreading over theworld ever after. Then how does it happen? This is because what he believed inhis politics philosophy is beyond its empirical possibility at his time. For example,he encourages teachers using different teaching method to guide differentstudents according to their different characteristics. But his kingdom did notneed its citizen to be wise and well-developed. They needed simple mind laborwho can be easily controlled and submissive.
However,after the building of new China and after the open-door policy, Chinese aredesperate for creative thinking and knowledge, and people are looking for amore comprehensive and integral life. What Confusions encouraged fulfills ourexpectation. Therefore, he became known in the recent years. By looking atwhat confusions are promoting, we understand what Chinese people are needing indesperate now.

In conclusion, thestanding out of a hero or heroine in a society must timely represent what itspeople want. Some of the heroes might not be famous timely though, his back to thestage must again to speak for people’s needs

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-1-9 00:05:38

我先说两句吧，这篇文章有点语文作文的嫌疑。第一段你的观点是partly true，那么你下面的内容就要分哪些时候或者什么样的英雄是可以看明白一个社会，另外一些时候或者英雄就不能。
在一点是，建议你的作文中间展开段，直接写出自己的分论点，然后论证展开。
嗯，以上是个逻辑上的问题。你的语言组织和表达还是很不错的，这个基础有了，后面的准备就相对好些。继续努力！OG上的范文和以前的北美范文可以参考下。

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-1-9 00:06:44

建议你有时间可以看看我转的几个官方范文解析系列，应该有帮助！

一只麋鹿么 · 发表于 2012-1-9 01:36:12

恩～谢啦那我再改改。

普渡哥 · 发表于 2012-1-9 17:58:20

通篇只有孔子一个例子，而孔子不是传统意义上的英雄。作者可以用一些美国英雄的例子，还有的确有点太短：）
Your writhing is very good though

I really appreciate for your article and look forward to new ones...

Thanks!

一只麋鹿么 · 发表于 2012-1-9 20:01:05

哦好。

lukebrehm · 发表于 2012-1-10 20:31:10

I don't know if anyone has said this yet but a lot of your words are running together and you need to try hard not to let that happen

一只麋鹿么 · 发表于 2012-1-12 23:06:23

i dont know why it happens...it looks pretty in my WORD though,haha... thanks!

lukebrehm · 发表于 2012-1-13 11:31:30

haha! i was wondering how you could make so many mistakes like that. I think if you just use Notepad you can copy it to Word or the Forum without these kind of mistakes

[作文互改] 大家都来帮我改改啊～可是费了很大劲才鼓起勇气的. 这篇是不是有点短啊？

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