求拍 issue 3

hxy0213 · 发表于 2011-12-2 16:45:39

GRE: Educational Institution Should Actively Encourage Students to Choose Field to Study that Will Prepare Them for Lucrative Career.
Since education can serves as a tool for people to survive. Some people claim that education institution should advise students to study those fields which would ensure them a satisfactory life. At the same time, some people strongly against it. As far as I am concern, I hold the general disagreement towards it. My view will be further strengthened in the following discussion.
Admittedly, it is reasonable to acknowledge that it will bring some benefits to students as well to the society if the educational institution makes wise suggestion for students to study in the lucrative career. One the one hand, some lucrative jobs are usually those that are in highly demand for proficient people. Thus such encouragement can to some degree help relive such gap. One the other hand, students need to survive in the society, and a job with a good salary can ensure them to cultivate a good life.
However, there are also obvious drawbacks in the claim that we should take into consideration. Since we live in a high-pace and closely connected society, informant and need change very quickly. It is hard for any educational institutions to predict what kind of job or how long such job can generate a lot of money. Before the 1929, the broker was thought to be a profitable job and people who worked in the Wall Street often had a salary above the common people. However, in 1929, the stock market collapsed and hundreds of thousands of people lost their jobs.
In addition, instead of leading to the assumed consequence, encourage students to choose filed that prepare them for lucrative career may generate a divergence consequence. Firstly, it is hard for students to success in a field that they are not interested in even if it may provide them a high pay. Amy Tang, a famous Chinese American writer, chose to study medicine at first, which is generally considered as a profit-making major. However, she soon found out that it is not her interest and then turn to study writing. Several years later, she published her famous novel “the Joy Luck Club”. Besides, it is unimaginable that Mozart who was not good at social relationship to quilt his career as a composer and run for statesmen. Secondly, our nation needs some talent people to pursue some fields which may not make money but are very important to the development of our nation, such as mathematics, anthology, and arts. To cite a representative example, Vincent van Gogh, who is wildly regarded as one of the history’s greatest painter and an important contributor to the foundation of modern arts, did not have a lucrative job and led a poor life. But his contribution could not be ignored.
From the above analyses, it is irrational for educational institutions to suggest students studying in the fields that can prepared them for a good pay.

竹林中人 · 发表于 2011-12-2 18:05:23

梵高的例子不能说明educational institution course与career之间的关系吧

gemyang · 发表于 2011-12-3 11:07:37

我觉得还可以适当展开，有些例子是值得商榷，不过很精简。

hxy0213 · 发表于 2011-12-3 22:25:16

谢谢！

hxy0213 · 发表于 2011-12-3 22:26:33

比如说什么呀版主可以说的在具体一些么？

大剑Jade · 发表于 2011-12-4 12:26:36

Since education can serves as a tool for people to survive. Some people claim that education institution should advise students to study those fields which would ensure them a satisfactory life. At the same time, some people strongly against it. As far as I am concern, I hold the general disagreement towards it. My view will be further strengthened in the following discussion.
并非是想打击你，但希望你一定要改正——这个第一段真是惨不忍睹啊，拼写错误，大小写，缺谓语，搭配也有问题，每句话都有问题。trust me，这已经超越了AW中可以容忍的小错误了，肯定会影响到分数的。
另外，结尾可以再展开些，总结处缺少分析也是大忌。
body段分析还算到位，但如果想提高的话还需要扩充。AW的确不需要废话，但绝对不要求精简，分析的越到位越好，所以不怕写多

[作文互改] 求拍 issue 3

谢谢！

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