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[Essay] Career goal 的对比

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发表于 2012-1-1 14:41:31 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
以下是两个不同类型的career goal,大家帮忙分析一下哪个更好一点:
I have a strong passion for resources. No other industry is as far reaching in its impact on the world. Resources access the public and private enterprise prosperity, they take control of the economic lifeline of nations, it even influences societies and the everyday lives of the individuals that constitute them.
I esteem that my career exposes me to a variety of resources, resources exploitation and resources application. As a raw material purchaser, I have polished my coordinating, organizational and interpersonal skills and expect to add many more to this list over time such as leadership, global mindset. Leveraging my strengths is equally important to me as evolving into a more versatile business person. What really excites me is to work alongside entrepreneurial management teams who flourish because of their creative ideas and innovative methods in the flexible business model- creative ideas to stretch our limits for what can be accomplished.
Whether investing in an industry that produces goods from raw materials or one that recycles scrap metals and other byproducts from other Chinese industries, firms like Bao Steel are at the forefront of innovative technology and raw material optimization. One of the things I want to accomplish after studying in US is to bring back to China the innovative ideas and technologies to implement them at the international company I will work with in the future, bringing prosperity by increasing efficency of the supply chain, optimizing corporate structure and reducing logitic costs . And I believe I can have the greatest impact in the logistic arena. My long term goal is to become Senior Purchasing Officer at a multinational company related to the resource industry.  
To help me achieve this vision, the key next step is a graduate business education. An MBA is fundamental to advancing to management-level positions in multinational enterprise and will equip me with the competencies to meaningfully improve organizations. Whether managing a manufactory industry or stepping in to run a struggling logistics company, the functional and managerial knowledge that an MSU education furnishes will give me confidence to lead effectively in various situations.
I am certain that the MSU core curriculum, along with electives such as Strategic management, will unlock my full potential as a Senior purchasing officer and I positively deem that it is the ideal place for me to meet my future business partners and industry peers. After a comprehensive understand, I am confident there is no better training ground for me to develop the skills necessary to exert competitive business strategies for the international organizations on which I have an influence. Besides the mere career enhancement, what I cherish most are the thinking models of distinguished professionals which will be lifelong beneficial together with an improvement of personal qualities and comprehensive abilities.
With china becoming a growing economic power in the world economy, My knowledge of the Chinese Logistic and Business models as oppose to the American systems and act to be a bridge between the two systems, and my understanding of the Chinese Business culture will contribute a richer more meaningful educational experience to my future teammates and the diversified MBA program at Broad school.  
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The past four years’ experience I have had working for the steel industry has enriched my understanding in the supply chain and management fields. To build upon my experiences and become a senior professional in supply chain management, I plan to divide my career into stages.
My short term career goal is to continue to expand my understanding of the supply chain and management fields. Considering the strong academic background and outstanding professionals, I believe Krannert’ MBA will ensure me a solid academic study. Furthermore, I will have the opportunity to take advantage of the splendid social network to broaden my horizon during the MBA study. As an integral part of this I will aggressively seek a position with one of the top 500 companies, beginning with an internship as a means of introduction and moving into a full-time position. Meanwhile, by working for one of the Fortune 500, I will face challenges and pressures which will give me a unique opportunity to resolve problems not only in my own management field (SCM), but also help me develop the ability to work under increasing pressures and tight schedules. Having gained this type of experience, I will have the capabilities to work as a senior professional manager or even as a corporate leader.  
My long term career goal, after gaining work experience with the top 500, is to obtain a first-class position in one of the leading multinational companies back home in China, due to the fact that Krannert enjoys a world reputation and owns the massive social network internationally. Multinational companies are and will continue to be the bridge that correlates Chinese market with that of the whole world. It is just this kind of company where my accumulative knowledge about both China and America best be exercised. I believe that all the knowledge learned at Krannert and activities participation during the MBA program will be a lifelong treasure for my career in China.  
Last as one gets older, I believe everyone wishes to have less stress on the job and continue to enjoy equitable remuneration. A good career is a major part of one’s life, but there are still many goals for a person to pursue, such as being able to spend more quality time with their family, traveling the world, contributing to society, doing volunteer work and so on. I believe obtaining an MBA degree from Krannert will open the doors to my career aspirations and life goals.
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沙发
发表于 2012-1-1 15:15:00 | 只看该作者
同在申SCM,同在写这个,同问?阿宝是我客户啊,阿阿。
板凳
发表于 2012-1-2 01:00:53 | 只看该作者
support一下supply chain background 的applicants
一个共同的问题是结构不太清晰,不能很快地找到career goal。反正我看了半天才看出来第一篇的long-term goal是senior purchasing officer(一辈子做采购?是不是太低了点?不去读MBA也没几年就能senior了吧?)第二篇是multinational company(太空,具体做什么?)
地板
发表于 2012-1-2 01:49:49 | 只看该作者
我也有同感,怎么读了第一篇一遍之后没有什么太明显的观点,记忆也不深刻.
5#
发表于 2012-1-2 01:52:48 | 只看该作者
你第一个。。。完全是抄哈佛商学院65篇里那篇i have a passion for energy的吧,难过逻辑混乱,比如开头 - resource不是一个industry, 如果要用,还是多改改格式句子吧,实在是太太太明显了
6#
发表于 2012-1-2 01:57:37 | 只看该作者
第二篇,讲太多了你要怎么样怎么样,宏观扯的有点远,而且你所申请的学校的value proposition也是一带而过,该多做做功课,了解你申请的这个学校到底有何非凡之处,对你bridging gap有啥帮助
7#
发表于 2012-1-3 10:26:59 | 只看该作者
直覺上此篇文章像是個template, can't differentiate yourself from other applicants.
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