AA72处女作,请大家指教

72. The following appeared as part of a recommendation from the business manager of a department store.

“Local clothing stores reported that their profits decreased, on average, for the three-month period between August 1 and October 31. Stores that sell products for the home reported that, on average, their profits increased during this same period. Clearly, consumers are choosing to buy products for their homes instead of clothing. To take advantage of this trend, we should reduce the size of our clothing departments and enlarge our home furnishings and household products departments.”

专卖店的商务经理的备忘录：
            
本地服装店报告说从8月1号到10月31号的3个月里他们的平均利润下降。销售家庭用品的商店却报告同期的平均利润上升。很明显，顾客正选择为他们的家里购买用品而不是买衣物。为了利用这个趋势，我们应该缩减我们的服装部规模而扩大家庭装饰和家务用品部

This argument reaches a conclusion that the department store should reduce the size of its clothing departments and enlarge the home furnishing and household products departments in order to take advantage of the trend that consumers are choosing to buy products for their homes rather than clothing. In support of this statement the business manager cites two reports. First, the manager states that the reported profits of local clothing stores decreased for the three-month period between August 1 and October 31 on average. Also, the manager supposes the increased profits from stores that sell products for household during the same period. While this argument is somewhat convincing, further examination reveals that it ignores certain crucial assumptions that should be warranted to draw the conclusion.

To begin with, the sample the author provides is insufficient to support the conclusion drawn from it. The statistics from only a three-month are not necessarily a good indicator of future trends, unless it can be shown that the three-month example is representative of the whole year’s sales. It is possible that the period of the reported three-month is off-season of clothing sales but to the opposite of household products. In fact, in face of such limited evidence, the claim that consumers are choosing to buy products for their homes instead of clothing is completely unwarranted.

Secondly, the business manager ignores other factors that may influence the clothing sales.  Other essential reasons may decide the decline of clothing profit, such as old-fashioned style, fault of both management and sales strategy, and low staff morale, etc. These factors may be problems for other stores but not for our store. Hence, the recommendation that we have to change is unpersuasive.

In sum, the author’s argument fails to provide good grounds for its conclusion. To strengthen the argument, the author must show more representative statistics, which include records of the entire year’s sales. Furthermore, to justify the conclusion, it is necessary to provide concrete evidence as well to demonstrate that the decline of the clothing sales is determined exclusively by the reason pursued by the business manager. Accordingly, this argument will not become persuasive unless we obtain additional detailed information.

文章还是短了点,看了范文和一些NN的提示,只写出了这么点,大家看看我思路有没有问题,

还有能不能想出些新的逻辑错误,我感觉自己思路还没有打开,另外给打个分吧

字太小了,重新铁一下,麻烦大家给侃侃

This argument reaches a conclusion that the department store should reduce the size of its clothing departments and enlarge the home furnishing and household products departments in order to take advantage of the trend that consumers are choosing to buy products for their homes rather than clothing. In support of this statement the business manager cites two reports. First, the manager states that the reported profits of local clothing stores decreased for the three-month period between August 1 and October 31 on average. Also, the manager supposes the increased profits from stores that sell products for household during the same period. While this argument is somewhat convincing, further examination reveals that it ignores certain crucial assumptions that should be warranted to draw the conclusion.

To begin with, the sample the author provides is insufficient to support the conclusion drawn from it. The statistics from only a three-month are not necessarily a good indicator of future trends, unless it can be shown that the three-month example is representative of the whole year’s sales. It is possible that the period of the reported three-month is off-season of clothing sales but to the opposite of household products. In fact, in face of such limited evidence, the claim that consumers are choosing to buy products for their homes instead of clothing is completely unwarranted.

Secondly, the business manager ignores other factors that may influence the clothing sales.  Other essential reasons may decide the decline of clothing profit, such as old-fashioned style, fault of both management and sales strategy, and low staff morale, etc. These factors may be problems for other stores but not for our store. Hence, the recommendation that we have to change is unpersuasive.

In sum, the author’s argument fails to provide good grounds for its conclusion. To strengthen the argument, the author must show more representative statistics, which include records of the entire year’s sales. Furthermore, to justify the conclusion, it is necessary to provide concrete evidence as well to demonstrate that the decline of the clothing sales is determined exclusively by the reason pursued by the business manager. Accordingly, this argument will not become persuasive unless we obtain additional detailed information.