第一次写作文 请大家来指点

找了2篇JJ的题目,用自己之前东拼西凑的template写出来的.大家看看,我该怎么改进呢

125. The following appeared as part of the business plan of the Capital Idea investment firm.

“Across town in the Park Hill district, the Thespian Theater, Pizzazz Pizza, and the Niblick Golf Club have all had business increases within the past two years. Capital Idea should therefore invest in the Roxy Playhouse, the Slice-o’-Pizza, and the Divot Golf Club, three new businesses in the Irongate district. As a condition, we should require them to participate in a special program: Any customer who patronizes two of the businesses will receive a substantial discount at the third. By motivating customers to patronize all three, we will thus contribute to the profitability of each and maximize our return.”

In this argument, the author asserts that Capital Idea will invest in the Roxy Playhouse, the Slice-o-Pizza, and the Divot Golf Club in the Irongate District, and pursues a great profit by the substantial discount. To substantiate this conclusion, the author cites the example that the Thespian Theater, Pizzazz Pizza , and the Niblich Golf Club all get the large successful within the past two years in the Park Hil District. The author also wants to function a special problem that the companies gives a substantial discount at the third if the consumers patronized two of the business. At the first glance, the author’s argument appears to be somewhat convincing, but after closely examining the author’s logic and reasoning, we find that it omits some important concerns that should be addressed to substantiate the argument. In short, the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains, and lack of credibility in reasoning causes the conclusion to be problematic.

In the first place, the author commits a fallacy of false analogy. The author argues that the business increases in the Thespian Theater, Pizzazz Pizza , and the Niblich Golf Club will likewise do so and thus the investment will gain the triumph. The argument rests on the assumption that the situation in the Park Hill District is analogous to in the Irongate District in all respects, and the arguer assumer without justification that the background conditions have remained the same at different locations. Nevertheless the reasoning is questionable since similarity between in the Park Hill District and in the Irongate District may not sufficient enough to substantiate the claim. For example, the living standard is higher in the Park Hill District than in the  Irongate District, so the consumers in the Park Hill District enjoy shopping more than those in the Irongate District. Therefore, the companies in the Irongate District could have the some business increase as those in the Park Hill District.

In the second place the arguer fails to establish the causal relationship between the discount and the profit. The line of this reasoning is that because the new companies participate in a special program , Capital Ideas will contribute to the profitability of each and maximize their return. In no case can the mere sequence of these events, in itself, sufficiently prove that there is a causal-effect relationship between the strategy and the profit. In fact, the auger has obviously ignored that many consumers do not need the all services from the whole companies, and that the different among the whole companies are large. So, without the willing to consume and to ally, the discount could make an effect on the profitability of each.

Last but not least, the another flaw that significantly undermines this argument is that the author neglects to indicate the future consequence. However, within a mere recent two-years business increase is insufficient to claim that the investment would get the same profit in the next years. Statistics from the limited evidence is not a good indicator for this trend. 

To sum up , the author fails to provide adequate justification for this argument. The survey and the strategy cited in the analysis are not only vague but also incomplete. To strengthen the argument, the arguer must convince us that the Irongate District will provide the same condition and the companies would like ally. In addition , the arguer could have provided more precise information to support the claim.

Although most people wish to live long lives, attempting to significantly extend the average human life span would be a mistake. If achieved, this would place an enormous burden on resources, lowering the quality of life for everyone.

The author thinks that this is a mistake to wish to live long lives, the wish leading to place an enormous burden on resources, lowering the quality of life for everyone. To some extent, I agree with the author’s general assertion if there are lacking the essential resource. However, the author unnecessarily extends this broad assertion to an irreversible extreme while he ignores some other crucial elements which may greatly improve the living standard. On balance, my points of agreement and contention with the author involve the careful case-by–case analysis.

First of all , I would like to admit that , although this assertion suffers from some inevitable drawbacks, it has some merits primarily in some special cases in which the implicit rationale behind it accords with our situation in daily life. Accordingly, it is partially indisputable that the resource in the earth becomes less and less, and the quality of life in the poor nations descends with the burden of the high birthrate.

Moreover, the uneven disputing of the resource leads to the lack of the essential elements in our daily life. Some children in Africa have no chance to drink the clean water, and they always died from a variety of infection without the ample medicine. However, in the developed countries , the people sometimes throw away the food which is not delicious .Take another case for example, because there are 1 billion people in India, the government could not confirm that every child has the right to go to school, and receive the same care for the society. All these evidence demonstrates beyond any doubt that this is a mistake to wish to live long lives, the wish leading to place an enormous burden on resources, lowering the quality of life for everyone.

In the second place, recognizing that a more rational and accurate judgment must consider other aspects of the issue as sufficient as possible, I have to point out that author fails to take into account the increase of efficiency of the recourse. In short, this assertion is problematic in two aspects. The first argument-the one that I think the most compelling-is that the author overlooks the increase of efficiency of the recourse, that is to say, if we could make the most of  the limited resource, the wish to live long lives will come true. For example, the professor YUAN improves the method of cultivation to bring up the large number of Chinese. The second argument- it might have been noticed-is that in some occasion, people who live in the better living standard and the greater medicine condition will certainly live longer. Hence, I tend to concede that when it comes to some certain circumstances, it is partially appropriate.

To sum up , taking the above considerations into account, I feel quite comfortable to arrive the conclusion that with the better live and the improved efficiency of the resource utilization, people could live longer and give a moderate burden on resource.