周日开考,作文混沌中,忘指导一二,考后比回报CD

Whether young children should spend most of their time on school studies or playing is a controversial problem that brings a public concern. In my point of view, I recommend that young children should play as much as possible to gain physical grow, improve interpersonal skill and develop personality.

First, young children can gain physical growth while playing with the peers. As you know, extra studies bring about un healthy impacts on physical growth of young children. According to a survey, those young children who usually play with kids such as jumping, climbing mountains, playing tennis and so on are higher and healthier than those who seldom play. As a result, young children should try their best to catch the opportunity to get a perfect height by playing.

In addition, young children can improve their interpersonal skill when playing with the kids. There is no defying fact that playing with peers is a good way to communicate with others. For example, when a group of young children play badmintons, the process includes allocation of each child to different, deciding the order about who should be the first one to play and then the next and recording the scores. During this game, young children can learn not only how to debate but also  how to compromise as well.

Finally, young children can cultivate personality when playing with the elders. Elders always set a good example for them to follow when playing with these young children. Young children are prone to be influenced by elders during the experience of play. I actually benefited a lot from this playing experience. My grandfather and I climbed a hill and we made a competition to check who is the first one to the top. My grandfather was so weak that he needed to have a rest after 5 steps. However, he persisted to climbing to the top. His spirit of perseverance moved me to tears and I always encouraged myself to be brave after that.

Many people may argue that the students who spend most of time on studies will surpass others in school. However, a well-developed student goes beyond academic grades. The advantages of young children's playing far outweight those of studying.

啊......

怎么没有人....

泪崩中

别哭了

加上我 我帮你看看

novembersonia(A) hotmail.com

谢啦,能不能举例说说错误在哪里呀?拜谢!

我把我认为比较重要的地方指出来，喜欢有所帮助。楼主的文章不算地道，还需努力。

Whether young children should spend most of their time on school studies or playing(or 后面的主语应该还是yong children) is a controversial problem that brings a public concern.（whether开头的句子相当于从句，缺少主句）。 In my point of view, I recommend that(多余) young children should play as much as possible to gain physical grow, improve interpersonal skill and develop personality.

First, young children can gain physical growth while playing with the peers. As you know, extra studies bring about un healthy impacts on physical growth of young children. According to a survey, those young children who usually play with kids such as jumping, climbing mountains, playing tennis and so on(多余) are higher and healthier than those who seldom play. As a result, young children should try their best to catch the opportunity to get a perfect height by playing.（结论句没意思）

In addition, young children can improve their interpersonal skill when playing with the kids. There is no defying fact that playing with peers is a good way to communicate with others. For example, when a group of young children play badmintons, the process includes allocation of each child to different, deciding the order about who should be the first one to play and then the next and recording the scores（很乱，看不懂）. During this game, young children can learn not only how to debate but also  how to compromise as well(多余).

Finally, young children can cultivate personality when playing with the elders. Elders always set a good example（应是复数形式） for them to follow when playing with these young children（主语很乱）. Young children are prone to be influenced by elders during the experience of play. I actually benefited a lot from this playing experience. My grandfather and I climbed a hill and we made a competition to check（不用check,see一下就可以了） who is the first one to（什么？缺少动词） the top. My grandfather was so weak that he needed to have a rest after 5 steps. However, he persisted to climbing to the top. His spirit of perseverance moved me to tears and I always encouraged myself to be brave after that.

（最好有个连接词或词组）Many people may argue that the students who spend most of time on studies will surpass others in school. However, a well-developed student goes beyond academic grades. The advantages of young children's playing far outweight those of studying.

谢谢谢谢谢谢谢啦,在各位好心的帮助下,做了些改动.

Whether young children should spend most of their time on school studies or not is a controversial problem that causes a public concern. In my point of view, I believe that young children should play as much time as possible to gain physical growth, improve interpersonal skills and develop personality.

To begin with, young children can gain physical growth while playing with the children of the same age. As is well known to all, playing with body movement contributes a lot to the stretch of bones, the building of muscles. On the contrast, heavy studies produce unfavorable impacts on the their physical growth. And many experts point out that the childhood time is the most primary period for a person’s body development. According to a recent survey, those kids who usually play games with kids such as jumping, climbing mountains, playing tennis are generally higher and healthier than those studying all the time. In conclusion, young one should try their best to catch the opportunity to get a perfect height by playing.

In addition, young kids can improve their interpersonal skills when taking part in group games. There is no defying the basic fact that sports activity including a group of children is a favorable way to communicate with others. Therefore they gradually master the skill of getting along well with friends. For example, when playing basketball, the winners would hug the losers to show the appreciation and cooperation. At the same time, the losers would express their congratulations to the winners. It expresses the same spirits as business competitions.

Finally, young children can cultivate personality when playing with the elders. Elders always set good examples for children to follow. And young children are prone to be influenced by elders during the process of play. I virtually benefited a lot from the playing experience. There was one time my grandfather challenged me to a running contest: the one who arrived at the top of the hill at first was the winner. My grandfather was so weak that he needed to have a rest after 5 steps. However, he persisted to climbing to the top. His spirit of perseverance moved me to tears and I am always encouraged to be brave after that.

Although many people may still argue that the students who spend most of time on studies will surpass others in school, I deem that a well-developed student goes beyond academic grades. The advantages of young children's playing far outweigh those of studying. As an old saying goes: All work no fun makes Jack a dull boy.

Overall this is a really nice writing. If I am the grader, I will give 25-26.

Whether young children should spend most of their time on school studies or not is a controversial problem that causes a public concern. In (from) my point of view, I believe that young children should play as much time (X) as possible to gain physical growth, improve interpersonal skills and develop personality.

To begin with, young children can gain physical growth while playing with the children of the same age. As is well known to all, playing with body movement contributes a lot to the stretch of bones, (and) the building (development) of muscles. On the contrast,  heavy (contrary, tenuous) studies produce unfavorable impacts on the their physical growth. And many experts point out that the childhood time (X) is the most primary (principal) period for a person’s body (physical) development. According to a recent survey, those kids who usually play games with kids (others) such as jumping, climbing mountains, playing tennis are generally higher and healthier than those studying all the time. In conclusion, (Obviously, i choose this because it is within the paragraph, not like in the end) young one should try their best to catch the opportunity (redundancy of try their best) to get a perfect height (hard to make it logically fit , i will choose other adjectives for height, or I will say perfect health) by playing.

In addition, young kids can improve their interpersonal skills when taking part in group games. There is no defying the basic fact (redundancy) that sports activity including a group of children is (activities including solo competitions and team games are) a favorable way to communicate with others  (for improving communication with others, remember the subject is activities here). Therefore they gradually master the skill of getting along well with friends. For example, when playing basketball, the winners would hug the losers to show the appreciation and cooperation (not a good reasoning. If you show appreciation and cooperation to me when I lose the game to you, it is more like you are blaming on me losing the game on purpose for your winning. In this case I would like to say something else such as team spirit or sportsmanship). At the same time, the losers would express their congratulations to the winners. It expresses the same spirits as business competitions. (Don't abruptly make such a switch to biz)

Finally, young children can cultivate personality when playing with the (X)elders. Elders always set good examples for children to follow. And young children are prone to be influenced by elders during the process of play. I virtually benefited a lot from the playing experience. There was one time my grandfather challenged me to (in) a running contest: the one who arrived at the top of the hill at (X) first was the winner. My grandfather was so weak (out of breath) that he needed to have a rest after 5 steps. However, he persisted to (in) climbing to the top. His spirit of (X) perseverance moved me to (into) tears and I am always encouraged to be brave after that (like i said, you switched to "brave" abruptly. I would like to just stay on the perseverance, for example, and it gives me a lot of encouragements when I face the same situation).

Although many people may still argue that the students who spend most of time on studies will surpass others in school, I deem that a well-developed student goes beyond academic grades. The advantages of young children's playing far outweigh those of studying. As an old saying goes: All work no fun makes Jack a dull boy. (the conclusion is not on the point)


Generally, I ran thru this too quickly and some of them might be wrong. Just some comments to you. Hope it'll help.

Thanks,

Thanks a million for your great help.

I learn a lot from your corrections.

Good luck to you!