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斗胆求拍!30分钟限时作文。

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楼主
发表于 2007-9-18 23:11:00 | 只看该作者

斗胆求拍!30分钟限时作文。

5. A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

   Should we accept a new factory building up near our community? When asked about this type of question, opinions vary greatly. Many people do not doubt that build a new factory is superior than nothing, while others think quiet differently on the issue of  annoying the surrongdings of community. Personally, I am in favor of building a new factory. We have reasons to believe that a new factory could help our community by the increasing job oppotunirties and finance.

   The cheif reason why some people may hold that build a factory will be awfull is the environment problem. As an illustration, at the construction time, the first polluted will come out as noise. Depite that, many one cencerned the new factory may destroy the plant aroud our community. However, in my point of view, those disadvantage is just a little annoye compare to the benifit of  a new factory.

   It is true the factory will influence our surrongdings, but one point have been left out is the increasing job oppotuneties for people and finance benifit for goverment. There is far more people worried about their living than the environment as I believed. As a solution, the job offerd by the new factory will do good to those people.

  last but not the least, the goverment of my community could receive more money by building a new fatory. Then we can use that money to solve some more serious environment problem, or just planting more plants.

   From what have been discussed above, we can draw the conculusion. I do agree building a new factory does harm to our environment, however, the benifit of the finance devolepment could help to solve this problem. Meanwhile, a lot people in our community could have new jobs offerd by the factory. To sum up, the disadvantage of a new factory can be easily solved by people's effeort, and the advantage s are definitely needed by people.

Word Count: 321



[此贴子已经被作者于2007-9-18 23:16:05编辑过]
沙发
发表于 2007-9-20 12:54:00 | 只看该作者

回复:(毒来毒去)斗胆求拍!30分钟限时作文。

楼主,首先你的语法不好,这是第一段我能看出的问题:
1 a new factory building up-a new factory built up. 分词作后置定语,修饰factory时factory作build的宾语,应用被动的built
2 When asked about this type of question, opinions vary greatly. 这句话有毛病。ask的逻辑主语是opinions,应当是人被问,而很难是观点被问。似可改为:people usually give various answers.等以人为主语的句子。
3 build a new factory is superior than nothing, while others think quiet
differently on the issue of  annoying the surrongdings of community.这句话语病,动词不能做主语,可改为building a new factory
总之,这么严重的语法问题,还是需要引起重视的
其次,你的作文展开的深度不够,中间的论述段落过于简单,显得没有思想内涵。是不是你在试图通过模板来弥补思辨上的不足?(个人臆测,不要生气啊)
第三,个人认为应当把三四两段挪到前面,先立论,再驳论好一些,因为你的主要内容毕竟是树立自己的观点。
以上拙见仅供参考。


板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2007-9-20 14:53:00 | 只看该作者
没错,LS说得很精哦,语法问题一直很严重,用模板的原因也是想补充字数上的不足。谢谢
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