德克的猪……都是猪……帮帮我吧！(已修改)

德克的猪呀，看您那么精心帮大家改作文，我心里也正没底。帮我也改改吧。顺便帮忙评个分。我觉得自己的文章总是很长，哪句话都舍不得丢下，可正式考试又没有那么多时间，平时练习总是花不少时间遣词造句，考试的时候总是觉得写得比平时差很远，很苦恼呀！而且我对我的文章结构没有什么信心，考试的时候我就打算按照这种套路写，您看行不？

Topic: Is it better to enjoy your money when you earn it or is it better to save your money for some time in the future? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

 Economism has been a main stream in our contemporary society. Never in history has the idea of saving money been any important than it is currently. Although a soaring number of people hold the opinion that enjoying the money earned by oneself will entitle a sense of satisfactory to every individual, I still harbor the wonder that whether this argument bears firm analysis of the whole situations. Instead, I strongly believe that saving money will obviously cultivate a good habit of economize and also, the money saved everyday will be used as a lifesaving purpose one day.

First of all, a habit of saving money ordinarily is a predicable promoter for us to cherish our contemporary life in that we can develop a sense of economize and we know everything pleasant in life comes without facility. One of the most convincing examples illustrating this point is involved in my mother, who saved money for almost thirty years. She calculate how much she spend every single day and take a clear list of what she has bought together with its cost. Additionally, she often tell me that it is not easy for us to lead such an cozy and wealthy life that we should not become extravagant and just enjoy the life by wasting what we earned, which makes me value both the money I have earned and the affection I possess from parents, teacher, as well as friends which is also hard-won. Accordingly, with respect of this point, no wonder it is claim that saving money is a good quality for every individual.

 To sum up, taking into consideration that the merits and drawbacks of saving money analyzed above, I can almost soundly draw the final conclusion that saving money will surely be a catalyst for us to lead a better life in spite of the misconception given to our friend and the missing of the so call “enjoy”. Hence, I recommend that we had better to save money and at the same time we should treat our friends as generous as possible, but also in my opinion, it is no use of enjoying the pleasant and satisfactory feeling of wasting money.

十二分感谢！！

为了体现你的真实水平

我建议你用30分钟,写一篇400词左右的文章

你的这个文章太长了,考试的时候基本不可能做到

刚发现，不是我的文章写得长呀。不知道为什么发表之后，总是有段落重复。删也删不掉呀……

这一篇是限时写得，感觉相当紧张。自己已做了一些修改。望德克的猪再帮忙修改一下，8.25考，急呀……尤其求在思路和结构上能更加完善。（总怕自己的例子没有说服力）。因为计时写作的时候，我就没有足够的时间思考了……

Some people say that computers have made life easier and more convenient. Other people say that computer have made life more complex and stressful. What is your opinion? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer.

Industrialization has been a main stream in our contemporary society. Never in history have the computer been any more important than it is nowadays. Although a soaring number of people hold the opinion that computer has exerted a terrible effect on our daily life, such as making our life more complex and more stressful. I still harbor the wonder that whether it can bear this argument bears firm analysis of the whole situations. Instead, I strongly believer that computer has made our life more colorful and more convenient.

First of all, the newly-established connection between aboard and home brought with by computer is a predicable promoter for us to communicate with our family or friends who live outside. One of most convincing example illustrating this point is involved in my boy friend, who currently pursues his further study in the United
State. Before the advent of computer, we can only communicate through the telephone, which only can deliver our voice to each other. However, thanks to the computer, not only can we chat with each other, but we also can see each other through the Internet. When I see the definite image of my boy friend on the MSN, how delighted I am! With respect to this point, no wonder it is claim that it is the computer that explores a better and more facilitated way for us to contact with our beloved family as well as intimated friends and also, deliver our profound miss and the burning affection to each other.

Another contributing reason explaining why I potently support the idea is that not only can the computer offer us more opportunities to access to a plethora of information, but it can also change the lifestyle of people, especially for the disabled person. To some extend, I deem that, computer, indeed, can explore the horizon of knowledge of students. As is known to all, students have limited resource in the past, which is only restricted into the textbook and the knowledge of their teacher. Whereas, they can utilize the computer and even surf on the internet with the purpose of obtaining more relevant information and databases. Additionally, people who are physically challenged can contact with outside-world more easily than they used to be. For example, they can order what they like and even get a degree on the internet by the use of computer.

However, everything has its pros and cons, so does computer, I have to acknowledge that in a computer-monitoring workplace, people are tend to become sub-healthy both on physically and mentally. Therefore, our government should bear its commitment and enact some pertinent laws to relieve this problem. As far as I know, our government has enacted a law that people should work no more than eight hours per day.

To sum up, taking into consideration the merits and drawbacks of computer analyzed above, I can almost draw the final conclusion that computer will surely be a catalyst to the development of our colorful and prosperous society as long as we take some effective measures to the adverse effect results from the computer.

望狠批！能承受！

Industrialization has been a main stream in our contemporary society(我觉得第一句和后面完全没有关系). Never in history have the computer been any more important than it is nowadays(你怎么还在用nowadays?用currently替换). Although a soaring number of people hold the opinion that computer has exerted a terrible effect(negative effects) on our daily life, say, making our life more complex and more stressful. I still harbor the wonder that whether it can bear this argument bears firm analysis of the whole situations(这个句子我无法理解,你可以不可以翻译一下). Instead, I strongly believe that computer has made our life more colorful and
                more convenient.

First of all, the newly-established connection between aboard and home brought with by computer is a predicable promoter for us to communicate with our family members or friends who live aboard. One of most convincing example illustrating this point is involved in my boy friend(举个例子,何必用如此纠结的句子,看起来烦,你可以说:it will suffice to mention my boy friend as an example.), who currently pursues his further study in the United State. Before the advent of computer, we can only communicate through the telephone(这个例子失误了,你最多只能说before the widely use of internet in our country,如果你写the advent of computer,别人会认为你是个几十岁的老太太), which only can(can merely) deliver our voice to each other. However, thanks to the computer, not only can we chat with each other, but we also can see each other through the Internet. When I see the definite image of my boy friend on the MSN, how delighted I am! With respect to this point, no wonder it is claim that it is the computer that explores a better and more facilitated way for us to contact with our beloved ones as well as intimated friends and also, deliver our profound miss and the burning affection to each other. (例子倒是很不错.)

Another contributing reason explaining why I potently(potent是指有力的,你可以说某个例子有力的证明了我的观点,但是你不可以说我有力的支持某个观点) support the idea is that not only can the computer offer us more opportunities to access to a plethora of information(不要写这样没有效果,而且很烦人的长句,直接写一个ffer us an access to plenty of information), but it can also change the lifestyle of people, especially for the disabled person(ones). To some extent, I deem that, computer, indeed, can explore the horizon of knowledge of students. As is known to all, students have limited resources in the past, which is only restricted into the textbook and the knowledge of their teacher. Whereas now they can utilize the computer and even surf on the internet with the purpose of obtaining more relevant information and databases. Additionally, people who are physically challenged(说实在话,你说人家丑,比较讽刺的说法就是aesthetic challenged.所以,我觉得还是不要说残疾人是physical challenged, 万一有讽刺意味肯定会被扣分) can contact with outside-world more easily than they used to be(than后面的结构应该和前面对称,所以应该是can contact with outside more easily and conveniently than they used to do-the only thing they need to do is clicking the mouse and rippling over the keyboard.). For example, they can order what they like and even get a degree on the internet via the help of computer without the affliction of going out.

However, everything has its pros and cons, so does computer.(这里应该是句号) I have to acknowledge that in a computer-monitoring workplace, people are tend to become sub-healthy both on physically and mentally. Therefore, our government should bear its commitment and enact some pertinent laws to relieve this problem. As far as I know, our government has enacted a law that people should work no more than eight hours per day(划线部分完全没有作用,而且,你的那个law完全不符合实际.例子可以编造,但是不可以离谱.要是牵强的东西,还不如不要.).

To sum up, taking into consideration the merits and drawbacks of computer analyzed above, I can almost draw the final conclusion that computer will surely be a catalyst to the development of our colorful and prosperous society as long as we take some effective measures to the adverse effect results from the computer.

十二分的感谢呀！

I still harbor the wonder that whether this argument bears firm analysis of the whole situations.

我想表达的意思是 我仍然质疑该论断是否经过了各方面的综合分析

可能表达有误吧！感觉您好像不喜欢长句子。

可是上课的时候老师说托福的作文是the longer the better.所以很刻意写得比较长。

还有就是想问一下，如果我想把文章写成 两个支持，一个提出问题及改善建议。

但是当不知建议什么的时候能不能只把负面的问题放在那？这样会不会影响我表达我的立场？