请德克的猪拍砖

请帮忙批批 我认为第三段写的特不好请你帮忙改改谢谢 再给个分

Why do you think people attend college or university?

  The first European university can be traced back to ancient Greece. Plato, great philosopher of ancient Greece, founded the Academeia in Athens, which is generally considered as the earliest institute of higher learning. Since this, there are enormable students have attended universities. Why are people always appealed by universities? The way I see it, universities can bring numerous salutory impact on people’s lives.      

  For starters, college education has many benefical effects on students’ future career. Reasoning that college education can help foster many skills which the students will find valuable in the future. My friend Jerry, a famous simultaneous interpreter, is a case in point. When he was a colleger, he enrolled a English course, named Various Accents. From this course, he learrned many street words and how to interpretare them in a perfect way. This skill proved valuable after he started to work. Unlike other freshmen in his company, he can interpret native Americans’ speech exactly and fast. Due to this, he became the most excellent interpreter in the company. This skill learned from college education has a contribution to his career, did not it?

  Furthermore, studying in universities is an opportunity for students to develop their independency ablity. Before attending universities, most students were taken care of by their parents. As is well established, their independency ability can not be very good. Some of them even do not how to wash clothes or cook. However, when they study in universities, they have to live by themselves. During the time studying in universities, they will learn how to manage their lives . Ultimately they will be indenpent and no longer depend on parents..

  As TaoXingZhi, greatest and most influential educator said “ university has benefical effect on everyone’s life. Based on all the evidences given above, I do stongly agree with his opinion and that is the reason why people attend universities. 

The first European university can be traced back to ancient Greece. Plato, (the) great philosopher of ancient Greece, founded the Academeia(这个词是什么意思？) in Athens, which is generally considered as the earliest institute of higher learning. Since this, there are enormable(这个单词打错了，这里应该是要表达<多>吧,可以用numerous/countless/a enormous number of/myriads of) students have attended universities. Why are people always appealed by universities(be appealed by未尝不可,但是这里也可以说:Why, it seems that, do universities never fail to exert a particular fascination on a multitude of people)? The way I see it, universities can bring numerous salutory(这里又是打字错误:salutary.) impact(复数) on people’s lives.  

  For starters, college education has many benefical(beneficial) effects on students’ future career. Reasoning that college education can help foster many skills which the students will find valuable in the future. My friend Jerry, a famous simultaneous interpreter, is a case in point. When he was a colleger, he enrolled an English course, named Various Accents. From(In) this course, he learrned(learned,拜托,下次拿上来之前先用word文档改错) many street words(何为street words?) and how to interpretare(interpret) them in a perfect(perfect我觉得在这里稍微过了点,可以说quick and efficacious) way. This skill proved valuable(of great value) after he started to work. Unlike other freshmen(freshman专指大学新生,这里可以用比较随意调侃的rookies) in his company, he can interpret native Americans’ speech exactly and fast. Due to this, he became the most excellent interpreter in the company. This skill learned from college education has a contribution to his career, did not it?

这段没有大问题,用实例支持了观点.不过感觉整体的表达稍微平庸了一点.

  Furthermore, studying in universities is an opportunity for students to develop their independency ablity(their ability in independent life). Before attending universities, most students were taken care of by their parents. As is well established, their independency ability can not be very good(汗…这个表达也太简单了吧,这里最好说:As parents’ care has covered almost every aspect of those students, their independency, to a certain extent, has not yet developed). Some of them even do not know how to wash clothes or cook. However, when they study in universities, they have to live by themselves. During the time studying in universities, they will learn how to manage their lives. Ultimately they will be indenpent(independent) and no longer depend on parents..

  As Tao Xingzhi, the greatest and most influential educator said “ university has beneficial effect on everyone’s life.” Based on all the evidences given above, I do strongly agree with his opinion and that is the reason why people attend universities. 

其实全文的思路清晰,论证充分,同时还有实例作为支撑,这些都是很好的.

不过在我看完全文过后,我还是发现你的打字错误太多,句式和表达过于简单和直白,而且你的作文没有显示出你的词汇量的丰富性.这些都是要注意提高的哟.

4分中低档还是没有问题的

···不知道···反正我一打开你的这个作文··

··就是满篇泛红·············

满分是5分，当然还要看你在integrated部分的发挥，

其实不好说

ETS的打分其实是比较松的，有一定基础的是很难下4分的

·这篇文章···换算一下应该是18－20分左右（以independent部分满分为24分换算的），所以要上25，还是比较困难的

How is your generation different from your parents' generation?

As is so often pointed out, Changes of (this) world, with its ever increasing speed, is(are) becoming more and more manifest(tangible也可以). Owing to this, the difference between children(new generation, children这个概念太窄,而且不准确) and their parents is also(这里应该是therefore) increasingly pronounced.

  For starters, compared to our parents' generation, the way to study is tremendously different. A case in point is that in the past when they prepare(注意时态,这里肯定是过去时) to write a paper, he have(had) to spend all day in libraries for scanning vast numbers of books. Nevertheless, we, with the invention of the Internet, have much easier avenue to complete the assignment. We only(just) need to bring our laptops, then connect the Internet and type in the keywords or phrases on goggle(google), a(the) famous search engine(这里其实用不着对google作解释,太有名了). Within less than a second, countless pages will come up containing all the information I(one) ever need.

  Furthermore, we have totally different ways(methods,最好不要重复) of entertainment. Currently PS2(最好用xbox,因为是美国的), MP4 and PSP are the main recreations in our daily lives. we use them to play electronic games, listen to music legally downloaded from the Internet(你何必加上legally downloaded呢?), even watch online movies. However, In our parents' time(When our parents were at the ages of us), they did not have such luxuries. Instead, outdoor activities occupied their part(leisure) time. At weekends, they always(invariably) got together to play football or go boating.

  In final way, our methods of communication are greatly different from our parents. To give a demonstration, when my father was young, he worked abroad. At that time, the undeveloped method of communication such as sending letters, apparently, could not satisfied(satisfy) his simple (but wistful) desire (of keeping touch with his family) that when he missed my grandparents, he was able to(be able to不要乱用,这里说could not) talk with them at once. In comparison to my parents, we are so lucky. When we miss our parents, we can use messaging applications, such as OICQ(OICQ不要来,他们不知道,这里用email) or MSN (messenger). Due to this, we can not only communicate with parents quickly and directly, but meet them through video.

  Consequently, I uphold the idea that our generation is vastly different from our parents' in modern society. Unfortunately, owing to such a large difference, a very wide generation gap exists today.

(这个题目是不要你选择一边支持的,所以你用不着说uphold…最后的一句话显得有点突兀,而且和主题的联系不大,你可以试试别的)

总体的问题不大,表达也还是清楚的,但是小错的确不少(打字,时态,单复数)

还有就是句式太简单了,很多表达都比较的重复,这个是要注意的