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一篇作文,欢迎砸蛋,帮忙改改

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楼主
发表于 2007-4-10 15:30:00 | 只看该作者

一篇作文,欢迎砸蛋,帮忙改改

  At present ,we still have lots of homework to do. Though it’s tired and difficult to finish ,it is very necessary. In the following discussion, I would like to reason and provide evidence to support my viewpoint.

  The mission of students is study. A huge number of students would not know what to do, if there is no homework. Especially the senior school students or even younger, they cannot exactly control themselves. The homework,therefore,becomes a powerful mean to make students put their hearts on study. For example, when I was young,I couldn’r learn by myself well, though doing homework is boring , I had to do it. It helps me review the knowledge which was imparted in class. So I could learn the important points by heart rather than forget them.

   Here is another head and chief reason I have to put here. It is no better illustration that can support the view. Practice makes perfect. If you can see it, you can understand it more deeply. To do homework is not only to make students learn better but also helps students to do with exams. The majority of the questions are based on what the students did in homework. In order to get a high score in tests, to do homework is necessary.

Homework, however, it also has own drawbacks such as no more time to relax, a few subjects even repeat, boring. Nevertheless, homework has more advantages than disadvantages. The most striking conclusion is obvious.

In conclusion, given the reason discussed above, which make my viewpoint more persuasive, we can safely arrive the conclusion that homework is not only helpful but also essential to students.

同意留作业还是不留作业

沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2007-4-10 15:35:00 | 只看该作者

自己顶

板凳
发表于 2007-4-13 01:03:00 | 只看该作者
At present ,we still have lots of homework to do(Nowadays most students in China are trapped in homework battles.). Though it’s tired(tiring) and difficult to finish ,it is very necessary.
  In the following discussion, I would like to reason and provide evidence to support my viewpoint (I don't understand why so many students in China like to make it big announcement for what they are going to say. You don't have to put extra efforts on sentences like this, instead , make a clear thesis statement! Your thesis statement: Although homework is tiring and difficult sometimes, it is very necessary because on certain extent it desciplines students and provides practices after each class they take.).

  The mission of students is study. A huge number of students would not know what to do, if there is no homework. Especially the senior(junior) school students or even younger,(or younger students) they cannot exactly control(self-discipline) themselves. The homework,therefore,becomes a powerful mean(constraint) to make students put their hearts(efforts) on study. For example, when I was young,I couldn’r learn by myself well, though doing homework is boring , I had to do it(remove). It helps me review the knowledge which was imparted in class. So(Never use "so" in essay, too informal. Use "therefore") I could learn the important points by heart(enhance the memory of the knowledge during homework) rather than forget them.

   Here is another head and chief reason I have to put here(Remove). It is no better illustration that can support the view(What does this mean?). Practice makes perfect. If you can see it, you can understand it more deeply(It is more tangible by doing it all over by yourself in practice.). To do(Doing) homework is not only to(does not only)make students learn better but also helps students to do with exams(be more prepared for exams). The majority of the questions are based on what the students did in homework(Generally major questions from tests are from assignments). In order to get a high score in tests, to do homework is necessary (Studying thoroughly and finishing homework is very necessary).

Homework, however, it also has own drawbacks such as no more time to relax, a few subjects even repeat, boring. Nevertheless, homework has more advantages than disadvantages. The most striking conclusion is obvious.If it is arguementative essay, you have to make very clear standpoint, either support or oppose. You can't go both way unless it's a comparison essay. It is better to remove this paragraph and add more facts and examples to support homeworka.

In conclusion, given the reason discussed above(remove), which make my viewpoint more persuasive, we can safely arrive the conclusion that homework is not only helpful but also essential to students(too weak conclusion).
   

In conclusion, the greatest advantages of homework is helping students review each class's essence, disciplining young students,  and preparing students better for exams.
   

You have tendency to make you writing too orally. You should read more materials and study phrases, and use more descriptive words to make your sentences more robust; your writing is too dry.

Practice more the format of an essay.

Introduction: Brief thesis statement. Point 1,2,3; therefore, I think ....

Body paragraphs:explain point 1,2,3

Conclusion: Explain deeper why you think this point stands out.

Good luck.


[此贴子已经被作者于2007-4-13 1:06:53编辑过]
地板
 楼主| 发表于 2007-4-14 01:17:00 | 只看该作者

实在感谢,获益匪浅

5#
发表于 2007-4-17 11:51:00 | 只看该作者
像it's这样的写法不要出现。尽量写全了。
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