[求助]我的作文实在是写不好，可不可以帮我改一下啊，拜托了！

   How to make your hometown more appealing to people your age?

My hometown is an ancient city. The people live there very relax. However, I can suggest three opinions to make my hometown appeal more people like my age, around 20. the development of the library can supply us more book and space to study. The construction of public exercise facilities can make more people to exercise; the building of the shopping mall should let people contact more fashion.

 In our spare time, my friends and I like to go to library to read book, newspaper, and magazine, but because of not developed in my hometown; we can not find the book which we need, especially some professional books. The facility in the library is too old also. Sometimes, when we want to read some book in the library, the seat already occupied by other people and rest seats are destroyed. We want to go to library to study knowledge and hope the library can supply us a lot of books and good environment.

   The public exercise facilities are an important part in a city. The people, like my age, enjoy exercise. However, in my country, people can not find suitable place to relax. Most exercise facilities is in the university which don not permit the people to use who do not belong to this school. Some facilities is in the hotel and other slap-up club in which people can not afford the high price. So, to built public exercise facilities is necessary in my city.

Shopping center is a large variety of stores in the same location and people can contact fashion in there. The people around 20 like modish thing especially, but in my hometown although the people have a lot of money, they can not buy the commodity they want. If a shopping mall is built in my city, the people can buy latest clothes, see up-to-minute movie, and play the newest game.

My hometown is an ancient city. The people live there are very laid-back. However, I can suggest three opinions to make my hometown appeal more people like my age, around 20. The development of the library should supply us more books and spaces to help our study. More exercise facilities should be provided. Also, the shopping mall should give people more information on fashion.

 First of all, in our spare time, my friends and I like to go to the library to read books, newspapers, and magazines. But
                because the library is not well developed,  we can not find the books
                which we need, especially some academic books. The facilities in the library are also too old. Sometimes, when we want to read some books in the library, some seats are already occupied by other people and rest seats are broken. We want to go to library to study knowledge and hope the library can supply us a lot of books and good environment.

   Secondly, the public exercise facilities are an important part in a city, because people enjoy doing exercise. However, in my city, people can not find suitable place to work out. Most exercise facilities are in universities which is not open to
                the people to use who are not enrolled there. Some facilities are in the hotels and other slap-up clubs
                in which some people can not afford the high price. Therefore, to built public exercise facilities is necessary in my city.

Moreover, a shopping center has a large variety of stores in the same location and people can get information on fashion in there. The people around 20 like modish things especially, but in my hometown although the people have a lot of money, they can not buy the commodity they want. If a shopping mall is built in my city, the people can buy latest clothes, watch up-to-minute movies, and play the newest games.

楼主应该在加个结尾段，就是重复一下首段的大意！

楼主应该在加个结尾段，就是重复一下首段的大意！

我觉得LZ还是在基本功上多下点功夫先吧，很多词的用法和句子的形式都非常中国化，多读一点类似TIMES和BUSINESSWEEK上的一些好文章会有帮助的