请大家帮忙看看作文（写得烂）

如题，但是没有办法呀。写不好了。求NN帮忙指点。先谢过了

Although many people sustain that children should only take responsibility to study, I believe that help with household also should be another crucial part of children's life. Through the marriage of book study and practical experiences, children will learn knowledge more effectively.

   I started to help my mother to do household when I was 7 years old. Now I find this action surely make me learning so many things about nature and life. For instance, I was studying fire in nature class at that time and I was afraid of fire. But after one time I helped my mother to light up the candle. I just found fire was so useful and easy to control by human. So from my opinion, helping housework can improve children to study more effective, even stimulate their desire for learning.

 
  There are more kinds of knowledge children have no chance to get from school books. And because children are always curious, many household could stimulate them to have questions, such as why electricity can power this machine, where is house water from, how I can move this easily and so on. This is perfect chance to teach them and will give them much deeper impression than what they only learn from books.

 
  At last, from another aspect I think that help parents to do household could improve emotional connection between parents and children. Parents could feel that how good their boys or girls who can help them, and children could feel that they can help their parents to do things no matter that are preparation dinner or clearing table.

  In conclusion, my point is children work or help household could be beneficial for not only children but also parents. Through housework, children could learn impractical knowledge, stimulate desire for study, and intensify love emotion with parents.              

请大家帮忙提意见呀

不太明白“ marriage of book study ”要表达什么意思

感觉句式比较简单或者单一，最好能丰富一下、

我也写了一篇类似的
还请大家多多批判

Household tasks are sometimes tough to family members.They include cleaning floors,washing bowls and clothes,and some other tiring items.Some parents just finish them on their own or hire a cleaning worker, while others tend to requre their children to participate in the work.When it comes to me,I would strongly agree that children should be required to help with household tasks as soon as they are able to do so.This will benefit them and even the whole family members.

In the first place,doing some hand jobs such as cleaning and washing will cultivate children's ability to practice.A common view about kids are that they should concentrate on their study and household works shouldn't distract them from their books.
However, I don't quite agree with this opnion.Hand works train kids to arrange the messy objects,come up ways to solve some hard problems and even make some new creatrues.My newphew's winning the first place in the design game counters most to his early start to do household works

Secondly,parents may be more successful in formint the children's sense of responsility through assigning some houseworks.They can ask they their kids to keep the house, raise pets,clean what they eat left etc.All of these assignments have a common characteristic of requiring people to keep something to do in mind and take care of their works.Since children will difinitely one day  in the future take the resiponsiblity of their famlilies, their  jobs or the whole country,it's best recommmended that they form a sense of duty at the early stage of their life.

Finally,the process in which children cooperate with parents,sisters and brothers to achieve the same task is undoubtedly a warm and happy time.They make jokes, help each other, communicate with one another,talk about a common topic etc.When they grow up and the family members live apart, having little chance to gather together  and enjoy the warm relationships of the blood,the time in their childhood doing household works will be precious treasure in their memeory.

To sum up,although some people may argue that the time will be a waste and children will have less time to focus on their academic works,I still think that advantages outweigh the disadvantage according to the reasons outlined obove.The household works will be beneficial to children in the whole life.

我是看了Delta 上的一篇阅读，它是这么用的“the marriage of television and computer improve" 我觉得就是表示什么和什么配合，所以就借用了。

我也觉得句式简单，但是又怕ibt主要靠论据，不敢写什么展开观点，空洞的话，再写例子的时候又写不出复杂句子。

最后关于first, second, 我也有感觉是不是最好不要用呢？所以我就用了每段最后一句作为题示下一段落的作用，不知道这样可不可以

山版，来看看呀，现在我都不知道什么是对的了

其实我对写作不是很在行，楼主如果对写作觉得没“感觉”，可以多看范文，参考别人的思路（考试时最好不要照搬），总结词汇、句式。

另外，关于具体段落结构，一般中间的论述段比较常见的就是提出观点，然后用几句话展开，末尾再总结一下。对于写作具体的技巧，建议买一本《挑战TOEFL作文满分》，里面的讲解相当详细。

可是山版，我怎么找不到范文下载，185也是MP3,就是说如果我不能听写下来的话，就看不到完整的范文~~~~~~~~

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

英文不太好的我看来，楼主的作文表达方式简单了些，运用的词汇应该丰富一些，地道些。

至于结构，本人没资格说了，自己也很差。

版主说的应该是TWE范文，那就不要眼睛只顶着新托福作文的资料呀，旧托福作文的资料也可以下载的。

不过那些PDF范文好像是“原版”作文，也就是说，虽然分数高甚至满分，但不排除有个别语法错误。