[TWE101]请大家帮忙修改文章

写得好好啊!句式复杂多变,用词也很准确!我现在是写不出来的说

学习ＩＮＧ．．．

就我的习惯可能会把让步段跟结尾分开两段来写，好象结构更清楚些．．．不过其实也差不太多拉

还有一个问题就是关于举例子时用自己的亲身经历到底好不好的问题？我考５Ｔ时候自己感觉作文的结构不错，但是给第一个观点时也是用自己的亲身体会写的，写了还不少，结果只有４．５分，郁闷无比！可能不够简洁是一个原因，但是不久前看新东方的笔记发现上面居然说了作文举例子最好不要写自己，就是例子中不要出现Ｉ，随便编个名字都好，弄得我一直怀疑是这个原因让我作文低分！我考试时想的是自己的亲身体会应该更加有说服力才对啊？？？

总之我现在准备都不怎么敢写自己的例子了，有经验的ＮＮ们怎么看呐

谢谢cissygmat!!

我觉得亲身经历应该可以作为例证(也要些老师说from self experience会打动人哦)，但一定不要写把过程描写出来，而要把它从哪方面支持了你的论点挑明，讲清。个人愚见，请指教。。。

自己改了一些：

     This rapid-paced world has imposed more work on people than ever before. Fortunately, new technology provides us with abundant options to do these things. Some of them can be done simply by hand, as our ancestors did ages ago, and still others can be completed using machines. Certainly I am aware of that both patterns have distinctive advantage, nevertheless, from my point of view, I would deem using machine as my premier choice.

     Beyond the enormous obvious reasons, the more in-depth cause is that machines actually offer us (with) lots of convenience. Not long ago, my supervisor assigned me to read a book, which cannot be bought in ordinary bookstore. Finally, it turned out that it was collected in the rare book section of our library. As a rule, it cannot be borrowed out. Many researchers have encountered this embarrassing situation, and all what they can do is sitting in the library every day and transcribe the original edition intensively completely by hand. Thanks to the photocopy machine, I can make an entire copy of this book and read whenever and wherever I like, avoiding a large amount of hard labor. This type of convenience is so common in everyday life that it can be seen almost everywhere. The vacuum cleaners help us do the cleaning. The washing machines help us do the dishing. The microwave ovens help us do the cooking. They do the work indefatigably and without complaining

     Compared with doing work by hand, the apparent merit of using machines is that it can dramatically increase productivity. Taking the pottery making for example, once the model is founded, worker can use this template to cast thousands of potteries through the pipelines. With the continuously developing technology, machines can maintain or even improve the quality with respect to those made by hand; nevertheless, the output is mounted up thousands upon thousands. In a word, machine can free out people from laborious and dull work, making full use of human resources.

     One might argue that doing work by hand can be treated as hobby for some people and give them relaxation and pleasure sometimes. Doing housework with family members can cement the family relationship. Making self-designed gifts for friends certainly is of more profound value. However, taking into account of the convenience and efficiency provided by machines, we absolutely must give it the first priority. After all, comprehensive automatization is the dream of human being for thousands of years, and we are all looking forward to embracing this new fantastic era.