twe112, plz evaluate~~

  Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies while others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. The issue is controversial and people with different background usually take diverse attitudes toward this question. I personally believe that spending most of their time playing is better for young children.

  If we take the benefits of playing into consideration, we will get a clear picture of this matter. Actually, the genuine merits of spending time on playing at children’s early ages are often overlooked. For one thing, playing games can have a great contribution to the development of young children’s brains. For example, by using tools to achieve a goal can stimulate their brain strength and help them organize. The process of learning can cause a potential impact on young children which adult will be amazed at sometimes.

  In addition, playing teaches children social skills and common values in their youth. Only by playing in a group and interact with others can they attain skills to survive the social relationships. For instance, cooperation and recognition are involved to win the triumph. Through the spirit of these elements they learned from playing, young children will establish a preliminary insight into the social activities. Furthermore, the set-up rules and fair play spirit in games also pave the way for the young’s to comply with laws and regulations in future life.

  erhaps, some people believe spending most of the time on school studies is better for young children. It is no doubt that the young would be exposed to a variety of knowledge from their school studies. However, the issue lies in the effectiveness and the measure they virtually absorb, not to mention if they are forced to. Moreover, reading only books can end up with few skills. The formation of skills will not begin until they put them into practice.   

  In conclusion, spending time playing at young children’s early ages improve their primitive development and aid them gain the skills invaluable. On the other hand, spending most of the time on only school studies can turn off the process which benefits young children. For the reasons above, I believe spending most of their time playing is better for young children.            

写得挺好。俺给５分，主要是有一些语言上还要再仔细点。划线部分请楼主再看看。

I see.

Thanx a million!!