请帮我看一下写作，谢谢！！

runningkey · 发表于 2014-3-31 13:13:46

两年来第一次发帖，4月12日考T，还在水深火热中，目标100+。各位高人能不能帮我看一下这篇独立写作？是不是差的很远？？拜托大家了，费点时间，新丁在这谢谢大家了！
A Teacher’s ability to relate well with his or her students is more important than the ability to give them knowledge.新东方新托福考试专项进阶—中级写作P205

There is no doubt that a teacher who relates well with students is welcomed at school.However,the capability to disseminate knowledge is more crucial for teachers to acquire.
First of all,the better the teacher is good at teaching,the better the students will perform in their cuorseworks.Students,especially those in elementary or middle schools,can’t learn all by themselves.So,their performance is tremendously influenced by their tutors.
Take Mr. Lee for example.He teaches math in my middle school.Along with his rigor,he is really good at inspiring us to try various methods to solve math questions.What’s more,he always extends one problem to another similar problem,to make us better distinguish them.His explicity and elaboration in lectures lead to an outstanding grades perfomed by his class,though his student dislike his grim.So,it’s obvious that students will benefit a lot from their skillful teachers,no matter how bad their relationships are at that time.
Next,a teacher who is good at lectureing seems like to gain respectations more easily.As it stated before,the obligation of a teacher is to propagate knowledge.We esteem those tutors who teach us well.Again,Mr.Lee does well in his jobs,and his students obtain quiet a lot of informations,as well as flexible strategies through his lectures.Students dislike him when they were young,nevertheless,they feel much grateful towards him after graduation later.This winter vocation,more than 30 students and their parents came back to school to visit him,showing their sincere appreations and respectations to him.He gains much majesty among us now,actually.We do appreatiate those teachers who is always trying to educate us well,despite they gave us a hard time then.
In my experience,a good teacher is who is experienced in teaching,thus making us to be a better individual.They are surely going to be confered with a good reputation through their endeavour.So,compared with being well with students,the aptitude to educate pupils well is more indispensible to teachers.
请给点建议，或是修改一下，翻白眼、吐唾沫都行，感谢！

clylize · 发表于 2014-3-31 16:44:05

It is no doubt that a teacher is popular at school, if he treats his student well. Teaching well in class, however, is more important than keeping good relationship to studnets.
First of all,the better the teacher is good at teaching,the better the students will perform in their cuorseworks.Students,especially those in elementary or middle schools,can’t learn all by themselves.So,their performance is tremendously influenced by their tutors.
Take Mr. Lee for example.He teaches math in my middle school.Along with his rigor,he is really good at inspiring us to try various methods to solve math questions.What’s more,he always extends one problem to another similar problem,to make us better distinguish them.His explicity and elaboration in lectures lead to an outstanding grades perfomed by his class,though his student dislike his grim.Therefor, it’s obvious that students will benefit a lot from their skillful teachers,no matter how bad their relationships are at that time.
Next,a teacher who is good at lectureing seems gains respectations more easily.As it stated before,the obligation of a teacher is to propagate knowledge.We esteem those tutors who teach us well.Again,Mr.Lee does well in his jobs,and his students obtain quiet a lot of informations,as well as flexible strategies through his lectures.Students disliked him when they were young,nevertheless,they often feel much grateful towards him after graduation later.This winter vocation,more than 30 students and their parents came back to school to visit him,showing their sincere appreations and respectations to him.He gains much majesty among us now,actually.We do appreatiate those teachers who are always trying to educate us well,despite they gave us a hard time then.
In my experience,a good teacher is experienced in teaching,thus making us become a better individual.They are surely going to be confered with good reputations through their endeavour.So,compared with being well with students,the aptitude to educate pupils well is more indispensible to teachers.

曲苑风荷 · 发表于 2014-7-9 13:10:50

可以下载一个叫做“易改”的软件，软件会自动帮你纠错和修改

[报考] 请帮我看一下写作，谢谢！！

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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