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TWE161,谢谢指点

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楼主
发表于 2005-1-9 22:32:00 | 只看该作者

TWE161,谢谢指点

161\people remember special gifts or presents that they have received. Why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.






In our daily life, people always can receive many different gifts. Some of them are very expensive, however, the others are very common. Although every gift includes the blessing of family members or friends,  the special gifts can be remembered. People remember these gifts or presents for many reasons, such as a special man, friendship and a good memory. In the following discussion I would like to express them more clearly.



Generally, one can remember a gift for a special man such as a finger ring given by boyfriend for a girl, a toy given by dead grandpa for a child or a photo given by a good friend for a student. That will be the most important keepsake for these persons. When they see these presents, they will remember the person who ever gave the present to them.



Good memory is another reason that I have chosen to put here. It is no better illustration that can express my view, the more gifts you receive, the more memories you have. Today the most exciting thing for each one is the special gifts that can bring happy feelings and good memories as much as possible. That is the reason why so many people can remember the special gifts or presents even though it is very common. If you can see that, you can understand it more deeply.



The third reason, not the last, goes in way: gifts are given always for many reasons that may be one’s sickness, one’s removing, one’s birthday or other things worth celebrating. Whether good things or bad things the gifts are given always express a good will of friends and family members. In this lovely world, gifts means warmth and affection and remembering these gifts means remembering the friendship.


   To sum up, given the reasons we discussed above, we can safely reach the conclusion that a special man, a good memory and friendship are the main reasons that people remember the special gifts. Only remembering these special gifts, don’t they feel lonely.
[此贴子已经被作者于2005-1-9 22:36:41编辑过]
沙发
发表于 2005-1-10 05:58:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用xuli_123在2005-1-9 22:32:00的发言:

161\people remember special gifts or presents that they have received. Why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.






In our daily life, people always can receive many different gifts. Some of them are very expensive, however,and(只是列举,个人认为不用太转折) the (some...others)others are very common. Although every gift includes the blessing of family members or friends,  the special gifts a special one can be remembered. People remember these gifts or presents for because of many various(divresity of vocabulary) reasons, such as a special man, friendship and or a good memory. In the following discussion I would like to express them more clearly with more details.


Generally, one can remember a gift for a special man such as a finger ring given by her boyfriend for a girl, a toy given by her dead grandpa for a child or a photo given by  of a goodclose friend for a student. That will be the most important keepsake for these persons. When they see these presents, they will remember recall the person who ever gave the present to them.


Good memory is another reason that I have chosen to put here. It is no better illustration that can express my view, the more gifts you receive, the more memories you have. Today one of the most exciting thing for each one is the special gifts that can bring happy feelings and good memories as much as possible.(这句再推敲)That is the reason why so many people can remember the special gifts or presents even though it is very common. If you can see that, you can understand it more deeply.


The third reason, not the last,(?) goes in way(口语了点): gifts are given always for many reasons that may be one’s sickness, one’s removing, one’s birthday or other things worth celebrating. Whether good things or bad things the gifts are given always express a good will of friends and family members. In this lovely world, gifts means warmth and affection and remembering these gifts means remembering the friendship.

   To sum up, given the reasons we discussed above, we can safely reach the conclusion that a special man, a good memory and friendship are the main reasons that people remember the special gifts. Only remembering these special gifts, don’t they feel lonely.太中国式语言了

文章结构不错,但段落结构差点。

多练,一天一篇,写十来篇就差不多有5分了

板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2005-1-10 17:59:00 | 只看该作者

非常感谢!!!


能不能再详细一点,段落结构是指的什么?


还有,那句中国式的语言,应该怎么样来表述呢?谢谢


[此贴子已经被作者于2005-1-10 18:08:46编辑过]
地板
发表于 2005-1-10 22:30:00 | 只看该作者

段落结构有点像文章结构的缩水版

1,topic sentence

2,reasoning 1

3., reasoning 2

4  presenting examples

5 conclusion

和段落之间用To begin with, next等组织一样,句子之间最好用"on the one hand, ....", "for example。。。”,"therefore"等词连接。上面的结构可以不全不具备,也可写更多。

我也没有想好怎么表达好点

5#
 楼主| 发表于 2005-1-11 18:54:00 | 只看该作者
谢谢!
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