新g issue3 第一次写~~~求指导

susansan77 · 发表于 2013-8-26 16:24:19

题目：Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are
unlikely to succeed.

Have, you may wonder,educational instituitions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed. When it comes to this topic,it is natural that people may disagree over such a controversial issue due to their different experiences and values.The arguer claims that it is certainly the duties of educational institutions. While I admit that it is necessary for the institutions to give instructions to students. I maintain it is not always the case under all the conditions.

Undoubtedly,I would like to admit that this statement ,although suffers from some obvious drawbacks, has some merit primarily in certain special cases where the ideas behind it accords with common sense and daily experience in our life.For one reason, many students are not so clear whiat they want to study, which major to take and what job they will engage in. Therefore,giving guide to them will definately help them make the important choice.Therefore,the idea is partially indisputeble.

For anothor reason, dissuading students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed improve the chaces which help students get a better future.To illustrate, a case in point in this respect is that there is a huge gap among fields in China.For example, a student who majored in finance and find a job in bank may be much higher than a student who majors in classic Chinese culture.Although they are excellent in the high school, the choice surely make the difference.All these evidence depicts that beyond any doubt, the institutions should offer help to students.

However,that is not to say, the conclision is impeccable. Recognizing that a more reasonable choice must incorporate different aspects of the issue as sufficient as possible, I have to point out that the aurthor overstates the importance of fields and majors and fail to take into account other noticeable factors. The first one--the one that I think the most compelling-- is that the arguer overlooked that Students should hold their own steering wheels.That is to say ,students have their own ideas and thinking and finally make the choice, if not they may find regretful about the choice and ask why they didn't follow their hearts at that time. Secondly, if all students just listen to the suggestions made by the institutions ,they all choose the hot majors ,the results will be really terrible.many majors may have no students to enroll and definitely it will intensify the competence in the hot major.

On balance, the author's assertion,although suffering from a few drawbacks,has its salient merit because it takes into considertation other essention factors and accord with common sense.

susansan77 · 发表于 2013-8-26 18:03:35

不要沉阿～～求改

竹林中人 · 发表于 2013-8-26 21:38:40

Have, you may wonder,educational instituitions have a responsibility，have……had吧，第一句话是不是有问题？
第一段感觉废话太多，有用的就最后一句。
from some obvious drawbacks这里，有什么样的drawbacks ，能否说明下，has some merit能否说下merit具体指什么？in certain special cases where the ideas behind it accords with common sense and daily experience in our life这样的表述最好不要出现，你能否直接指出来什么样的common sense 和daily experience，而不是这种很虚的表述。

竹林中人 · 发表于 2013-8-26 21:40:22

也许你套用了很多模板，但这样的套用很失败，废话太多，分论点不具体。

susansan77 · 发表于 2013-8-27 13:28:58

竹林中人发表于 2013-8-26 21:38
Have, you may wonder,educational instituitions have a responsibility，have……had吧，第一句话是不是 ...

谢谢指导，我确实套用了现成的模板，自己也觉得假大空，我今天再写一篇，进行大改。

[作文互改] 新g issue3 第一次写~~~求指导

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