[求助]TWE 132 (请各位指点一下)

132. If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? Use specific details to explain why this invention is needed.

In today’s high tech era, there are many new technology emerging every day. If I had the chance and ability to invent something new, I would invent a chip that could contain information and be embedded in humans’ brain. In the following statements, I will present reasons to support my idea.

First of all, the new chip can save a large amount of time. When we go to school, we need memorize lots of information, such as vocabulary and grammar in languages, rules and formulas in mathematics, history, geography, and so on. When we go to work, we also need remember some working routines. If our brains hold such chips, what we only need is to take short time to learn how to search information in those chips. Hence, we can spend less time on mastering voluminous knowledge in schools, or finishing any task in companies

Second, we can save the time to do many other things. For example, we can enjoy entertainment for more fun. Since we shorten our time on study or work, we have more time to do what we like. Some people might like to play sports; others may select to watch movies or listen to music; still others might prefer to travel all over the world. Besides, we can have more time to stay with our children, take care of our parents, or visit our friends and relatives.

Some people might say that this chip will lead to laziness and stupidity. Since people need not take great efforts to remember a lot of things, their brains might become more and more rusty. However, I don’t think so. Since people still need learn and exercise how to search the information and how to reason the consequence, they will handle everything more smartly.

In conclusion, based on the above analysis, I believe that this new chip would be a significant invention if possible, because it can fasten our study and have more fun.

看了很多范文,自己写得很少.文章中的这个想法好不好?如果真的能实现,该有多好!!! 我的身价一定超过BILL GATES.

记得我上中学时,经常属于那种写作思路不对的少数,比如说吧,老师让写议论文"月饼是圆的好还是方的好",我选了方的好,结果遭到不点名批评,所以一直在这方面缺乏信心.

132. If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? Use specific details to explain why this invention is needed.

In today’s high tech era, there are many new technology emerging every day. （一上来就是一个语法错误。are和technology是不是有“数”的冲突？technology这种抽象名词是比较难判断单复数，建议改成there are many new advances in technology every day.） If I had the chance and ability to invent something new, I would invent a chip that could contain information and be embedded in humans’ brain (brains). In the following statements, I will present reasons to support my idea.

First of all, the new chip can save a large amount of time. （虽然语法上没有错误，但是chip本身，这个东西节约了时间吗？应该说植入芯片节约了时间。With the help of embedding new chip that can memorize information, people can save a large amount of time during the daily study and work.） When we go to school, we need memorize lots of information, such as language, rules and formulas in mathematics, history, geography, and so on. When we go to work, we also need remember some working routines. If our brains hold such chips, what we only need (to do) is to take short time to learn how to search information in those chips. Hence, we can spend less time on mastering voluminous knowledge in schools, or finishing any task in companies.

第二段的理由是重复的，至少说是一个方向的。完全可以并进第一段去来补充或加强论述。第二段我就不改了。

Second, we can save the time to do many other things. For example, we can enjoy entertainment for more fun. Since we shorten our time on study or work, we have more time to do what we like. Some people might like to play sports; others may select to watch movies or listen to music; still others might prefer to travel all over the world. Besides, we can have more time to stay with our children, take care of our parents, or visit our friends and relatives.

还有什么理由能支撑你的论述的呢？

既然是chip那么，既能输入，也能输出。可以来share something with others，我们可以有选择的（如果这个chip和你的记忆毫无阻隔的进行传递，那么就无隐私可言了）把一些数据从生理的大脑中调到chip上。人的视觉听觉功能就像一个多媒体摄像机一样，chip就是存储器。譬如，你到哪儿旅游了，可以打开chip的来记录下眼睛所看到的别致风景；去听Jay Chou的演唱会，可以用chip把现场版的Jay Chou’s fantastic songs记录下来，回去传给没有经历的朋友。现在我们在玩的mywallop.com就有点这个意思，blog功能。

Some people might say that this chip will lead to laziness and stupidity. Since people need not take great efforts to remember a lot of things, their brains might become more and more rusty. However, I don’t think so. Since people still need learn and exercise how to search the information and how to reason the consequence, they will handle everything more smartly.

这一段也可以用一台电脑来比喻，chip永远是一个存储器，处理器还是人，学习的过程就是加载这种专门软件。

In conclusion, based on the above analysis, I believe that this new chip would be a significant invention if possible, because it can fasten our study and have more fun.

文章的reason单一是最大的问题。写作基本功我看可以。

看了很多范文,自己写得很少.文章中的这个想法好不好?如果真的能实现,该有多好!!! 我的身价一定超过BILL GATES.

小姑娘真可爱，欲于盖茨试比高，好！赞的。嚯嚯，我身高就比Bill Gates高，俗称的伟岸，哈哈。据统计，Bill Gates有2703项可评估指标没有我强，譬如，中文没我好；篮球打的没我好；and so on

记得我上中学时,经常属于那种写作思路不对的少数,比如说吧,老师让写议论文"月饼是圆的好还是方的好",我选了方的好,结果遭到不点名批评,所以一直在这方面缺乏信心.

不可能。既然是议论文，正反都应该可以支持和展开自己的论述，就像辩论赛的正方和反方。我没有见过，也不能想象辩论大赛的主ersonName w:st="on" ProductID="席如你">席如你ersonName>老师那样的。

非常感谢, 我会找时间修改一下. 有一点小疑问, 伟岸的人怎么用这样的

脚注?

"I hate myself and want to die. " -- I think you still have lots of things undone.

"Nobody really cares about me " -- How about your parents, your friends, your current or future wife?

"and everything is meaningless. " -- We do everything for better life.

"I do stupid things again and again. " -- At least you help someone.

"I'm exhausted. Let me go." -- Have you checked this with your parents?

知足常乐!

退一步, 海阔天空!

I need concentrate on my TOEFL.