Argument 25 求打个分啊啊啊！！！星期六就考试了啊看了就请打个分，我得知道自己的底啊！！

gloryming · 发表于 2012-12-9 19:18:25

The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe
, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

This argument concludes that C-Note would be a tremendously profitable enterprise in Monroe because there is no jazz club in Monroe
. However, its author fails to provide sufficient evidence to lead a proper evaluation of the argument's reasoning. Each point of deficiency is discussed separately below.

One of the argument's deficiencies involves only because there is no jazz club in Monroe so C-Note would have the local market all to itself. The author provides no specific evidence that the location advantage can bring the entire market in Monroe
to C-Note. In any event, more information about whether the people in Monroe prefer to consume in a jazz club which is 65 miles away should be provided in order to determine if C-Note can make profit in Monroe. If people like driving far away from Monroe to have fun in jazz club, then there is no chance that C-Note can make profit in Monroe. However, if people go to the jazz club far away from the Monroe because there is no jazz club in Monroe and they prefer go to the jazz club in Monroe, which then can lead to a tremendous profit for C-Note.

Another weakness of the argument is that it provides no information about any connection between the numbers of people attend to jazz festival last year and tremendous profit C-Note would make. It would be useful to know if these people who attended to last year's jazz festival not just standing by but consuming in the jazz club. And it also would be helpful to obtain information about that whether the more than 100000 people attended last year's jazz festival would still attend to this year's annual jazz festival or more people would attend to. C-Note would be a tremendously profitable enterprise if more people attend to this yea's jazz festival and consume in the C-Note. Otherwise, it is unlikely that C-Note can make profit from jazz festival.

Yet another of the author's shortcoming has to do with the nationwide study, which would require detail information about whether this data is valid and also if this study can represent the situation of Monroe. If this study just from those people who love jazz club but have never consumed in the club, then the data is invalid. On the other and, though the study is valid, it may represent the consumers in jazz club in the whole nation not just Monroe
. It may helpful if these people who consuming in jazz club are concentrated in Monroe. But this argument did not provide more persuasive information about it so it is not convincing.

In view of the above, it can be said that the conclusion presented in the argument sounds unconvincing due to lack of substantial evidence as what factor can directly led to tremendous profit. Though the fact the author stated may be true, because more information to connect the factor and the profit making should be provided, investors in Monroe should not loan to C-Note.

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-12-9 19:37:53

Thisargument concludes that C-Note would be a tremendously profitable enterprise inMonroe because there is no jazz club in Monroe
. However, its author fails to providesufficient evidence to lead a proper evaluation of the argument's reasoning. Each point of deficiency is discussedseparately below.

One of the argument's deficiencies involves onlybecause there is no jazz club in Monroeso C-Note would have the local market all to itself. The author provides no specificevidence that the location advantage can bring the entire market in Monroe to C-Note. In any event, moreinformation about whether the people in Monroeprefer to consume in a jazz club which is 65 miles away should beprovided in order to determine if C-Note can make profit in Monroe. If people like driving far awayfrom Monroe to have fun in jazz club, then thereis no chance that C-Note can make profit in Monroe. However, if people go to the jazzclub far away from the Monroe because there is no jazz club in Monroe and theyprefer go to the jazz club in Monroe, which then can lead to a tremendousprofit for C-Note.这段其实主要是要说在M建立club是否合适是否受欢迎，题目中说最近的club是在65miles 之外，这正说明当地可能club是不受欢迎的，所以才没有。

Another weakness of the argument is that itprovides no information about any connection between the numbers of peopleattend to jazz festival last year and tremendous profit C-Note would make. It would be useful to know if thesepeople who attended to last year's jazz festival not just standing by butconsuming in the jazz club. And italso would be helpful to obtain information about that whether the more than100000 people attended last year's jazz festival would still attend to thisyear's annual jazz festival or more people would attend to. C-Note would be a tremendouslyprofitable enterprise if more people attend to this yea's jazz festival andconsume in the C-Note. Otherwise,it is unlikely that C-Note can make profit from jazz festival.
第二点，更重要的是去年那100000观众中有多大比例是本地的，很可能本地的人不喜欢jazz，而主要是外地来的jazz fans。还有就是有几位音乐家住在这里却没有club，更说明当地人可能不喜欢Jazz

Yet another of the author's shortcoming has to dowith the nationwide study, which would require detail information about whetherthis data is valid and also if this study can represent the situation of Monroe. If this study just from those peoplewho love jazz club but have never consumed in the club, then the data is invalid. On the other and, though the study isvalid, it may represent the consumers in jazz club in the whole nation not justMonroe. It may helpful if these people whoconsuming in jazz club are concentrated in Monroe. But this argument did not providemore persuasive information about it so it is not convincing.
中间
In view of the above, it can be said that theconclusion presented in the argument sounds unconvincing due to lack ofsubstantial evidence as what factor can directly led to tremendous profit. Though the fact the author stated maybe true, because more information to connect the factor and the profit makingshould be provided, investors in Monroeshould not loan to C-Note. 其实我觉得每一点不必都先要跟最后的那个结论联系到一起，而要分析出题目中的依据所代表的含义，就相当于是分析出assumption，但因为这里是evidence，你改变下说法就好了，比如题目中说到的最近的club在65英里之外，作者的意思是想说当地奇缺club，但反过来想正因为当地没有club，说明当地Jazz是不受欢迎的。

gloryming · 发表于 2012-12-9 20:01:53

谢谢点评，像我这样的文章到考试到底能拿多少分啊？我心里没底啊，快考试了~~~

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-12-9 20:46:52

继续练几篇吧，这篇三分差不多

[作文互改] Argument 25 求打个分啊啊啊！！！星期六就考试了啊看了就请打个分，我得知道自己的底啊！！

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[作文互改] Argument 25 求打个分啊啊啊！！！星期六就考试了啊 看了就请打个分，我得知道自己的底啊！！

所属分类: GRE考试

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[作文互改] Argument 25 求打个分啊啊啊！！！星期六就考试了啊看了就请打个分，我得知道自己的底啊！！