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[作文互改] Argument 高频 161 求批改

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发表于 2012-12-8 14:32:31 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
The following is a recommendation from the personnel director to the president of Acme Publishing Company.
"Many other companies have recently stated that having their employees take the Easy Read Speed-Reading Course has greatly improved productivity. One graduate of the course was able to read a 500-page report in only two hours; another graduate rose from an assistant manager to vice president of the company in under a year. Obviously, the faster you can read, the more information you can absorb in a single workday. Moreover, Easy Read would cost Acme only $500 per employee—a small price to pay when you consider the benefits. Included in this fee is a three-week seminar in Spruce City and a lifelong subscription to the Easy Read newsletter. Clearly, Acme would benefit greatly by requiring all of our employees to take the Easy Read course."


Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.


30min


The personnel director recommends that the Acme Publishing Company are supposed to require all employees to participate in the Easy Read course by reciting the positive commentaries from other companies, the successful precedents and the relative low expense per individual. Although seemingly plausible and prepossessing, the argument is problematic in being grounded on erroneous assumption, which could undermine both the credibility and validity.


Firstly, the speaker builds the demonstration upon the assumption that the remarks from the companies mentioned is representative enough to speculate the average feedbacks of the courses, which certainly deserves further discussion. However, the term "many" is comparatively ambiguous, from which we cannot accurately extrapolate that the universal comments on quality of the course. Instead the proportion of the companies who provide compliment would be preferable. Otherwise merely 30% of the companies participated endorse the quality of the courses could also be interpreted exaggeratedly as "many company". Under this circumstance, the universal comments of the course is virtually negative but being disguised. Therefore, to comprehensively understand the commentaries of the courses, more precise and circumstantial statistic concerning all the participated companies would be conducive.


Another assumption deserves to be further investigated is that the reading speed of an individual is sufficient to justify the beneficial influences of the course. In the recommendation, the speaker adduces an example of the graduate with extraordinary reading speed and concludes that the speed possessed is consistent with the information acquired. However, he neglects that the information obtained from materials is also determined by the extend of comprehension. Despite the commendable reading speed, if the individual cannot apprehend the posit of the materials and extract valuable information, the efficacy of reading is questionable. Thus, judging one's capacity from the speed of reading is relatively slapdash and the advantages of the course remains uncertain. In addition, even if we assure the speed of reading of is an essential indicator, no persuasive evidence elaborates that the achievement is attributable to the courses. If the individual inherently possesses the talent of reading fast, the benefits of the course is inconsiderable. Hence, grounded on the reasoning above, the personnel director should present more exhaustive and substantial evidence concerning the potential influence of the course and the overall reading capacity.


To comprehensively evaluate the necessity of the suggestion, the speaker should reappraise the implication that solely the expense per individual is precise enough to calculate the total potential costs. From the perspective of individual, the time devoted, the energy engaged, the relinquished opportunities should be taken into consideration, apart from the explicit expenses. Considering the interest of the company, a crucial question will violate the reliability: if all the employees are required to attend the course, who is responsible for the undone tasks to maintain the daily management? Besides, even though the expense of an individual is merely 500 dollars, the overall expenses of the company could be enormous to assume. If the company have 1000 employees, the overall expenses should multiple 100, which is 500,000 dollars. Based on the elucidation above,  a lot of question concerning the costs have been ignored. To weighing the strength and weakness of the advice, the speaker should repudiate the false assumption and reevaluate.


Conclusively, before executing the suggestion, the speaker should reconsider the underlying assumptions mentioned above, and conduct thorough research regarding the beneficent impacts of the course and the costs to take participation in.




这样4种instruction都写过了= =
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沙发
发表于 2012-12-8 16:57:20 | 只看该作者
Thepersonnel director recommends that the Acme Publishing Company are supposed torequire all employees to participate in the Easy Read course by reciting thepositive commentaries from other companies, the successful precedents and therelative low expense per individual. Althoughseemingly plausible and prepossessing, the argument is problematic in beinggrounded on erroneous assumption, which could undermine both the credibilityand validity.


Firstly, the speaker builds the demonstration uponthe assumption that the remarks from the companies mentioned are representativeenough to speculate the average feedbacks of the courses, which certainlydeserves further discussion. However,这个词用的跟前面which部分略显矛盾 the term "many" iscomparatively ambiguous, from which we cannot accurately extrapolate that theuniversal comments on quality of the course. Instead the proportion of thecompanies who provide compliment would be preferable. Otherwise merely 30% of the companiesparticipated endorse the quality of the courses could also be interpretedexaggeratedly as "many company". Under this circumstance, theuniversal comments of the course are virtually negative but being disguised. Therefore, to comprehensivelyunderstand the commentaries of the courses, more precise and circumstantialstatistic concerning all the participated companies would be conducive.


Another assumption deserves to be furtherinvestigated is that the reading speed of an individual is sufficient tojustify the beneficial influences of the course. In the recommendation, the speakeradduces an example of the graduate with extraordinary reading speed andconcludes that the speed possessed is consistent with the information acquired. However, he neglects that the informationobtained from materials is also determined by the extent of comprehension. Despite the commendable readingspeed, if the individual cannot apprehend the posit of the materials and extract valuable information, the efficacy ofreading is questionable. Thus,judging one's capacity from the speed of reading is relatively slapdash and theadvantages of the course remain uncertain. 这前后两部分要么想办法压缩下,要么分开,放在一段里面略挤In addition, even if weassure the speed of reading of is an essential indicator, no persuasiveevidence elaborates that the achievement is attributable to the courses. If the individual inherentlypossesses the talent of reading fast, the benefits of the course isinconsiderable. Hence, grounded on the reasoningabove, the personnel director should present more exhaustive and substantialevidence concerning the potential influence of the course and the overallreading capacity.


To comprehensively evaluate the necessity of thesuggestion, the speaker should reappraise the implication that solely theexpense per individual is precise enough to calculate the total potential costs. From the perspective of individual,the time devoted, the energy engaged, the relinquished opportunities should betaken into consideration, apart from the explicit expenses. Considering the interest of thecompany, a crucial question will violate the reliability: if all the employeesare required to attend the course, which is responsible for the undone tasks to maintain the dailymanagement? Besides, even though the expense ofan individual is merely 500 dollars, the overall expenses of the company couldbe enormous to assume. If thecompany has 1000 employees, theoverall expenses should multiple 100, which is 500,000 dollars. Based on the elucidation above, a lot of question concerning the costs have been ignored. To weighing the strength and weaknessof the advice, the speaker should repudiate the false assumption and reevaluate.
这一段感觉你的重点不突出啊,太靠后了,前面那几句议论位置不合适。


Conclusively, before executing the suggestion, thespeaker should reconsider the underlying assumptions mentioned above, andconduct thorough research regarding the beneficent impacts of the course andthe costs to take participation in.
板凳
发表于 2012-12-8 17:01:38 | 只看该作者
另外有很多处主谓不一致,要注意下,文中只列出两处,其他的也改了
地板
发表于 2012-12-8 22:27:11 | 只看该作者
这样的,我个人觉得中间段内内容安排的顺序,最好能是先指出某条你要质疑的依据,然后分析出它跟结论之间的前提,最后再说没有这个前提会怎么样,会有什么其他的解释等。不必写入过多个人的观点认知
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