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[作文互改] Issue 33 求批改,求拍

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楼主
发表于 2012-11-7 21:29:29 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
好难写,一点一点磨出来的。

33. As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious.

Since a caveman in Africa firstly used a rock or wood as instrument, we human beings have been accumulating all kinds of knowledge. Knowledge not only changes us but also change the way we see the universe. Two thousand years ago, human believed that we were the center of the universe; five hundred years ago, we believed that the earth is plain. It is the development of science, technology and society change such points of view and let us have a more comprehensive and accurate picture of the world. However, since the industrial revolution, specialization of labor steadily substitutes the all-side engineers and workers. This kind of specialization soon spreads to almost all other fields, such as society and education. The diversification resulted from specialization keeps layman out from fields and thus leads a unprecedented feelings of mystery. But this kind of mystery cannot be a evidence to show that accumulation of knowledge will lead things mysterious.

As we master more and more knowledge, we see the problem deeper and more comprehensive, and always, we will see the complexity in the problems. From the point of view of people in the primitive tribes, everything, every question has a simple answer (always related with the power and existence of deities). But from anatomy, we know that disease are infections caused by small microorganism but not the mischief of ghosts; from astronomy, we know that earth is only a ordinary planet in the solar system and the sun is a ordinary star in the galaxy; from physics, we know the complex structure of all kinds of materials. So, complexity and comprehensiveness is a inevitable result from the accumulation of knowledge.

However, knowing the complexity of nature of things more comprehensively does not result mystery. In today's world, it is the complex and omnipresent specialization of labor that leads people to feel mysterious about a field in which he does not major. However, specialization of work is surely not for the specialty and keeping mysterious of the subjects (like some Greek philosophers once did) but for a better and more effective way to learn the world. For instance, equations and formulas are the best equipments for scientists and engineers. Ordinary people can find how amazing and useful these tools are in researching the universe when they learn and realize the meaning and implications of the equations and formulas. In today's world with such developed media, such as internet and books, learn and realize the meaning of equations and formulas is not a hard task. So, the feeling of mystery, which can be overcome, is only a side effect of specialization of labor, but not from the accumulation of knowledge.

To sum up, everything has dual character and learning is not an exception. The continuous accumulation of knowledge not only leads fast development of human society and science, but also leads to specialization of labor which adds mystery to the things.

1. 随着我们掌握越来越多的知识,自然看问题也就越来越深刻,越来越能意识到问题的复杂性。在生活在原始部落里的人看来,几乎一切问题都能用简单的答案(通常借助于神灵的概念)加以回答。两千年前,人类以为自己是宇宙的中心,五百年前,人类以为地球是平的。随着我们知识的积累,我们不断摒弃那些先入为主、自以为是的观念,对于事物的认识不断深入全面。

2. 然而,对于事物认识地越复杂,越全面,却不代表越神秘。在今天的人类社会,职业的分工是如此的细密导致外行对行业内的事物往往有一种神秘的感觉。然而人类社会的分工从来不是为了加大职业领域的神秘感,而是为了更好地,更有效率地理解社会和宇宙。比如方程式对于科学家和工程师来说是理解世界的最好工具。虽然对于外行人来说这是神秘的,但只要领会其中含义,便能更好地理解世界。因此,神秘并非由于知识本身的积累带来的,而是分工等因素的副产品。并且这种副作用是可以避免的。

3. 任何问题都有两面性,学习知识也不例外,在不断获取知识的时候,一方面能给人类社会和科学带来极大发展,另一反面也会带来社会分工,从而增加事物的神秘感。
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沙发
发表于 2012-11-8 11:06:17 | 只看该作者
结尾太单调,显得头重脚轻,影响得分。
板凳
发表于 2012-11-9 16:14:27 | 只看该作者
Since a caveman in Africafirstly used a rock or wood as instrument, we human beings have beenaccumulating all kinds of knowledge. Knowledge not only changes us but also
changesthe way we see the universe. Two thousand years ago, humanbelieved that we were the center of the universe; five hundred years ago, webelieved that the earth is plain. It is the development of science, technologyand society change such points of view and let us have a more comprehensive andaccurate picture of the world. However, since the industrial revolution,specialization of labor steadily substitutes the all-side engineers andworkers. This kind of specialization soon spreads to almost all other fields,such as society and education. The diversification resulted from specializationkeeps layman out from fields and thus leads aunprecedented feelings ofmystery. But this kind of mystery cannot be a evidence to show thataccumulation of knowledge will lead things mysterious.
开头太过臃肿,想办法压缩下
As we master moreand more knowledge, we see the problem deeper and more comprehensive, andalways, we will see the complexity in the problems. From thepoint of view of people in the primitive tribes, everything, every question hasa simple answer (always related with the power and existence of deities). Butfrom anatomy, we know that disease are infections caused by small microorganismbut not the mischief of ghosts; from astronomy, we know that earth is only aordinary planet in the solar system and the sun is a ordinary star in thegalaxy; from physics, we know the complex structure of all kinds of materials.So, complexity and comprehensiveness is a inevitable result from theaccumulation of knowledge.

However, knowingthe complexity of nature of things more comprehensively does not resultmystery. In today's world, it is the complex and omnipresentspecialization of labor that leads people to feel mysterious about a field inwhich he does not major. However, specialization of work is surely not for thespecialty and keeping mysterious of the subjects (like some Greek philosophersonce did) but for a better and more effective way to learn the world. Forinstance, equations and formulas are the best equipments for scientists andengineers. Ordinary people can find how amazing and useful these tools are in researchingthe universe when they learn and realize the meaning and implications of theequations and formulas. In today's world with such developed media, such asinternet and books, learn and realize the meaning of equations and formulas isnot a hard task. So, the feeling of mystery, which can be overcome, is only aside effect of specialization of labor, but not from the accumulation ofknowledge.
分论点不宜过于抽象
To sum up, everything has dual character andlearning is not an exception. The continuous accumulation of knowledge not onlyleads fast development of human society and science, but also leads tospecialization of labor which adds mystery to the things.鉴于作者近几篇Issue都显得抽象或者简单化,建议作者能多做多向思维发散,让人感觉得到你是有过深思熟虑的,有着一定的深度和高度,而不是看似言之无物
这个题目,比如你的第二段,题目中的complexitymystery不仅是指行外人士,更指行内人士,比如物理学领域,关于物质组成的研究,从分子到原子,再到质子中子,最后到夸克,然后到弦论,这种认识的加深并没有让科学家们感到轻松,反而更加困惑,什么是最基本的物质组成成分。
地板
 楼主| 发表于 2012-11-9 19:12:35 | 只看该作者
谢谢普渡哥和竹林中人的批改
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