argument 8宿舍问题狠拍之

byhdhr123 · 发表于 2012-11-4 22:14:28

In the argument,the arguer recommends that Buckinghan College should bulid more new
dormitories to serve the housing need of the students.The argument is based on a increasing
enrollment,the rising rent price of an apartment in the town and the goal to attract more
brilliant students.The argument may seens persuative at first glance,however,because it lacks a
lot of specific evidence,the solidity of the argument is weakened.Unless the author can provide
more information about the details,the contenion is poorly supported.
First, the author metioned a growing enrollment trends and it will double over the next 50
years,thus,the trends will making existing dormitories inadequate.However,it may be not the
case for some specific details is omitted.For example,from the argument,we don't know the
number of enrollment before it starts to grow quickly.If the entrollment at that time is very
low,it can not inferred form the argument that today's growing and the trends can affect the
situation severely.Moreover,the author does not provides the number of the extant dormitories
as well.if the dormitories which now exist are not heavily ocuppied,even if the enrollment
grows rapidly,then the extant houses can be adequate for the unocuppied houses can be used to
mitigate the pressure of the increasing trends of enrollment.
Then,the arguer metioned that the rising rent price of an apartment in the town and it will
make stdents dfficult to rent a apartment.Still,it is not well supported for lack of details as
well.Truly,the price of renting an apartment is rising,but it does not means that the price is
high and the students can afford it.May be the average price of renting in that town is much
lower than the average nationwide.Though it is rising,it may still be lower when compared with
other areas,then,The student won't be hard to rent a house and will be glad that the rent price
is low.So,if the author wants to strengthen his contention,He must provide more about the rent
price and had better show a comparison with other area to convince that there's truly a
difficulty in renting an apartment.
In additon,the author also says that buliding more dormitories will attract more brilliant
student to entroll at Buckinghan.Still,specific evidence is needed to evaluate its solidity.For
it is known to all that to attract more smart students,there are many factors other than
dormitories that may have more effect on the enrollment.A smart student may not likely to
choose a college only because of the dormitory.Mostly,He may be more focused on the college's
reputation,its location and its academic performance.Only by buliding more dormitories may have
some effect,but it is not a fatal one.So,even though the new dormitories is great or even
splendid,it will not attract inteligent stendent if the college has disadvantages in other
facets.So more imformation about the relationship between entrollment of smart student and the
dormitory must be added to support the contention.
To sum up,The seemingly logical argument is not as solid as it stands. several specific
evidences is omitted or ignored by the anthor.So to strengthen the argument and achieve the
goal of the argument,the arguer must rely on more information to make the argument convincing.

byhdhr123 · 发表于 2012-11-4 22:15:13

一天写三篇，累死了

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-11-9 09:33:33

In the argument, the arguerrecommends that Buckinghan College
should build more new
dormitories to serve the housing need of thestudents. The argument is based on a increasing enrollment, the rising rentprice of an apartment in the town and the goal to attract more brilliant students. Theargument may seem persuasive at first glance; however, because it lacks a lot of specific evidence, thesolidity of the argument is weakened. Unless the author can provide more information about thedetails, the contention is poorly supported.
First, the author mentioned a growing enrollmenttrends and it will double over the next 50 years,thus, the trends will making existing dormitories inadequate. However, it maybe not the case for somespecific details is omitted. For example, from the argument, we don't know the number of enrollment before itstarts to grow quickly. If the enrollment at that time is very low,it can not be inferred form the argument that today's growing and the trends canaffect the situationseverely. Moreover, the author does not provide the number of the extantdormitories as well. ifthe dormitories which now exist are not heavily occupied, even if the enrollment growsrapidly, then the extant houses can be adequate for the unoccupied houses can be usedto mitigate the pressureof the increasing trends of enrollment.

Then, the arguer mentioned that the rising rentprice of an apartment in the town and it will makestudents difficult to rent a apartment.Still, it is not well supported for lack of details as well. Truly, the price ofrenting an apartment is rising, but it does not means that the price is high and the students canafford it. May be the average price of renting in that town is much lower than the averagenationwide. Though it is rising, it may still be lower when compared with other areas, then; the studentwon't be hard to rent a house and will be glad that the rent price is low. So, if the author wantsto strengthen his contention, He must provide more about the rent price and had better show acomparison with other area to convince that there's truly a difficulty in renting anapartment.

In addition, the author also says that building more dormitories will attract more brilliant
student to enroll at Buckinghan. Still, specific evidence is needed toevaluate its solidity. For itis known to all that to attract more smart students, there are many factorsother than dormitoriesthat may have more effect on the enrollment. A smart student may not likely to choose a college only becauseof the dormitory. Mostly, He may be more focused on the college's reputation, its location andits academic performance. Only by building more dormitories may have someeffect, but it is not a fatal one. So, even though the new dormitories are great or even splendid, it will not attract intelligentstudent if the college hasdisadvantages in other facets.So more information about the relationship between enrollment of smart students and the dormitory must be added tosupport the contention.

To sum up, the seeminglylogical argument is not as solid as it stands. Several specific
evidences is omitted or ignored by the author. So to strengthenthe argument and achieve the goalof the argument, the arguer must rely on more information to make the argumentconvincing.

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-11-9 09:34:36

1.主要的单词和语法错误已经标出
2.这篇argu写的比较具体。继续加油

[作文互改] argument 8宿舍问题狠拍之

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[作文互改] argument 8宿舍问题 狠拍之

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[作文互改] argument 8宿舍问题狠拍之