argument 4（Adam and Fitch）

lyd911225 · 发表于 2012-11-7 12:35:39

In this argument, the author comes to a conclusion that if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should choose Adams Realty. To justify the claim, the author points out that Adams Realty is clearly superior in many respects, such as, the number of real estate agents, the workers’ revenue and the home sales averaged. The author also cites a proof of his or her own—home listed with Fitch ten years ago took four months more than another home listed with Adams last year. Although at first glance, the cause-and-effect is quite cogent, yet it cannot stand much reexamination.

First and foremost, the author unfairly assumes that Adams Realty is superior to Fitch because of more real estate agents. Although more real estate agents mean more employees will be free to solve your problem, it is not likely that you will sell your home faster and at a better price. On one hand, more real estate agents don’t stand for more efficiency, probably the agents in Adams Realty held an idle attitude, nevertheless, Fitch Realty may take numbers of measures to courage their agents to serve quicker for their customers. On the other hand, more agents to some extent may cause more money and don’t present a better price. For example, a home listed with Adams Realty sells at a price of $30000 and the same home listed with Fitch could sell $28000, but the expense of selling in Adams Realty is $3000 compared to $1000 in Fitch. Above all, the Fitch Realty has a better competition. In sum, we cannot believe that Adams Realty is superior to Fitch partly on the dependence of the number of agents.

In addition, the author is hardly convincing that Adams’ revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch and included home sales that averaged $168000 compared to Fitch’s $144000. However, the author fails to show us the number of houses sold in two agencies. Perhaps, Fitch sold more houses than Adams, but the price of some houses is cheaper. In this case, the Adams is out-profiting his competitor. Besides, the author doesn’t refer to the location and the kind of people who come to the two Realties. It is entirely possible that people who come to Adam Realty are all richer and the price of the house can sells higher accounting to the fantastic estate. Maybe they can always spend more money on selling the listed house in a hurry. Therefore, the revenue shed no light on the appraisal of the two Realties, let alone for you to decide which a better choice is.

Finally, the conclusion based on the author’s own experience could have nothing to do with the fairly assess of Adam Realty and Fitch Realty and even has an absolutely wrong assumption that the economic and the house price have remained unchanged over the past ten years. It is entirely possible that people in this town were at a high requirement for living houses or the house listed with Adam located in a preferable place. Another is after ten years, polities on reducing the price of the houses have been executed; more people incline to buy a new house instead a used one. For this reason, the house listed with Adam could be sold faster. Furthermore, the author’s experience could not represent others. Perhaps, in average, the house listed with Fitch sell at a shorter period, but it is a coincidence that the author’s house is a reverse.

From the above, before making any conclusions, the author have to make a more detailed comparison of the two realties and adjust the statistics according to the economic and house price at that time. Unless overall possibilities are to be considered, we could not assure that the Adam Realty will sell your home quickly and at a good price.

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-11-7 12:40:59

请到作文签到帖签到http://forum.chasedream.com/GRE_AW/thread-779800-1-1.html，谢谢合作！

lyd911225 · 发表于 2012-11-7 13:01:34

好的求修改谢啦

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-11-7 13:28:41

In this argument, the author comes to aconclusion that if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, youshould choose Adams Realty. To justify the claim, the author points out thatAdams Realty is clearly superior in many respects, such as, the number of realestate agents, the workers’ revenue and the home sales averaged. The authoralso cites a proof of his or her own—home listed with Fitch ten years ago tookfour months more than another home listed with Adams last year.Although at first glance, the cause-and-effect is quite cogent, yet it cannotstand much reexamination.

First and foremost, the author unfairly assumesthat Adams Realty is superior to Fitch because of more real estate agents.Although more real estate agents mean more employees will be free to solve yourproblem, it is not likely that you will sell your home faster and at a betterprice. On one hand, more real estate agents don’t stand for more efficiency,probably the agents in Adams Realty held an idle attitude, nevertheless, FitchRealty may take numbers of measures to courage their agents to serve quickerfor their customers. On the other hand, more agents tosome extent may cause more money （这里你想说的是有较多的员工就要较多的钱发工资吧）and （这里的主语是more agents吗？）don’tpresent a better price（这个price最好只待明确）.For example, a home listed with Adams Realty sells at a price of $30000 and thesame home listed with Fitch could sell $28000, but the expense of selling inAdams Realty is $3000 compared to $1000 in Fitch. Above all, the Fitch Realtyhas a better competition. In sum, we cannot believe that Adams Realty issuperior to Fitch partly on the dependence of the number of agents.

In addition, the author is hardly convincing that Adams’ revenue last year was twice as high as that ofFitch and included home sales that averaged $168000 compared to Fitch’s $144000.However, the author fails to show us the number of houses sold in two agencies.Perhaps, Fitch sold more houses than Adams,but the price of some houses is cheaper. In this case, the Adams
is out-profiting his competitor. Besides, the author doesn’t refer to thelocation and the kind of people who come to the two Realties. It is entirelypossible that people who come to Adam Realty are all richer and the price ofthe house can sells higher accounting to the fantastic estate. Maybe they canalways spend more money on selling the listed house in a hurry. Therefore, therevenue shed no light on the appraisal of the two Realties, let alone for youto decide which a better choice is.

Finally, the conclusion based on the author’s ownexperience could have nothing to do with the fairly assess of Adam Realty andFitch Realty and even has an absolutely wrong assumption that the economic andthe house price have remained unchanged over the past ten years. It is entirelypossible that people in this town were at a high requirement for living housesor the house listed with Adam located in a preferable place. Another is afterten years, polities on reducing the price of the houses have been executed;more people incline to buy a new house instead a used one. For this reason, thehouse listed with Adam could be sold faster. Furthermore, the author’sexperience could not represent others. Perhaps, in average, the house listedwith Fitch sell at a shorter period, but it is a coincidence that the author’shouse is a reverse.

From the above, before making any conclusions, theauthor have to make a more detailed comparison of the two realties and adjustthe statistics according to the economic and house price at that time. Unlessoverall possibilities are to be considered, we could not assure that the AdamRealty will sell your home quickly and at a good price.这篇argu写的还不错，推理分析还比较具体，另外有一点提醒下，不知道作者有木有照顾到题目后面的那个要求指引，是askquestion 还是 alternative explanation 还是unstatedassumption 亦或是 more evidence，不同的指引侧重点不同，需要在表述上有所照应。

lyd911225 · 发表于 2012-11-8 11:48:50

谢谢啦终于作文有点进步了，看到希望了

[作文互改] argument 4（Adam and Fitch）

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