argument28 水杨酸钠求拍

anewstart01 · 发表于 2012-11-5 06:20:59

题目：The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches
suffered by the residents of Mentia.
“Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a
medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich
in salicylates, for the past several decades, food-processing companies
have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in
the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a
steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by
participants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing
companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives
for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued
steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen
of Mentia.
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated
assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument
depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the
argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

作文：
The above article presents the author's opinion about decline in the number of Mentia citizens who suffered from headaches. This argument seems convincing by presenting several evidences. However, the author's conclusion is based on several unproved assumptions. By disproving the unwarranted assumptions, the whole argument can not be true.

The first assumption the author used is that the salicylates is as effective as aspirin, which is a worldwide medicine for headache. However, this is hardly to be a fact. Even through the author states that salicylates belonginging to the same chemical family with aspirin, the slightly modifications in chemical structure can lead to totally different or even opposite functions. If salicylates later is shown had little pharmacological effects on curing headaches, then the whole argument need to be reassessed.

The author also assumes that the correlation between adding salicylates into food and the decline of the headache suffers in the region is valid. However, more evidence is needed to prove it is true. For example, if a survey lead by a prestigious institute which include most of the cases in Mentia can find the salicylates is the cause of the declining number of headache suffers, the assumption can then be prove valid. Otherwise, if such kind of correlation is just based on the author's personal speculation, and there are lots of other factors like improved living conditions which may lead to the decrease of the headache suffers, the argument can hardly be convincing.

Last, even if the above assumptions later can both be proved facts by the author, another unwarranted assumption which the argument is based on is that the food companies would like to use salicylates as flavor additives in their product. The article only mentioned it can be used by food companies. What if the costs are too high for using it as addictives? Or even the customers themselves may not like such addictives as well. The authors assumes that salicylates will be widely used in food industries later is ungrounded. Such, the conclusion that the number of headache suffers will decline is also not warranted.

To sum up, by assuming that salicylates is as effective as famous aspirin and it will help rescue the patients from headaches, the author concludes salicylates is a headache killer. He/She also predicts the decline of the headache suffers by further points out the widely use of salicylates as food flavor addictives. However, all the assumptions the author made seem not solid at all. If all this assumptions proved to be wrong, the author needs to reevaluate this argument.

普渡哥 · 发表于 2012-11-5 06:46:45

If all this assumptions proved to be wrong, the author needs to reevaluate this argument.

最后一句说要表达什么？如果所有的假设被证明是错误的话，作者需要重新考量结论。。。那你做的是什么工作？这里为什么还用if?

而且很多未必是wrong吧，缺乏证据不代表就是wrong。最后一句还有点语法问题。。

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-11-9 10:38:30

The above article presentsthe author's opinion about decline in the number of Mentia citizens whosuffered from headaches.这句话最好改造下，概括地提下题目具体的结论和依据This argument seems convincing by presentingseveral evidences. However, the author's conclusion is based on several unprovedassumptions. By disproving the unwarranted assumptions, the whole argument cannot be true.

The first assumption the author used is that thesalicylates is as effective as aspirin, which is a worldwide medicine forheadache. However, this is hardly to be a fact. Even through the author statesthat salicylates belonging to the same chemical family with aspirin, the slightlymodifications in chemical structure can lead to totally different or evenopposite functions. If salicylates later is shownhad（这里的表述有问题shown后面是不是要用不定式呢） little pharmacologicaleffects on curing headaches, then the whole argument need to be reassessed.这里如果你能加一两句话，比如说，如果作者能够提供更多的关于这个药品的实际效果的case或者依据而不是主观地认为两者有着类似的结构就有相同的疗效，这个argu才有可信。

The author also assumes that the correlationbetween adding salicylates into food and the decline of the headache suffers inthe region is valid. However, more evidence is needed to prove it is true. Forexample, if a survey led by aprestigious institute which include most of the cases in Mentia（这个定语从句的位置没放好，不应放在institute后，否则以为是institute的定语） can provethat the salicylates is the cause of the decliningnumber of headache suffers, the assumption canthen be proved valid. Otherwise, if such kind of correlation is just based onthe author's personal speculation, and there are lots of other factors likeimproved living conditions which may lead to the decrease of the headachesuffers, the argument can hardly be convincing.这个店，我觉得你最好质疑的是否能够排除其他的因素，而非质疑调查本身，对这个题。另外能举一个具体的小例子更好

Last, evenif the above assumptions later can both be proved facts by the author, anotherunwarranted assumption which the argument is based on(这几个词是多余的) is that 这句话的语气感觉前后不搭，even ……后面最好用still加强语气吧，比如there still exists another assumptionthat ……which is far from warranted。the food companies would like to usesalicylates as flavor additives in their product. The article only mentioned itcan be used by food companies. What if the costs aretoo high for using it as addictives? Or even the customers themselves may notlike such addictives as well. Or后面的部分我建议你也用反问句，这样显得就比较自然。Theauthors assumes that salicylates will be widely used in food industries later这里的主语不清楚 is ungrounded. Such, the conclusion that the number of headache sufferswill decline is also not warranted.

To sum up, by assuming that salicylates is aseffective as famous aspirin and it will help rescue the patients fromheadaches, the author concludes salicylates is a headache killer. He/She alsopredicts the decline of the headache suffers by further points out the widelyuse of salicylates as food flavor addictives. However, all the assumptions theauthor made seem not solid at all. If all this assumptions proved to be wrong,the author needs to reevaluate this argument.
建议：1.语言尽量提高下，保证语言前后的连续性和完整性
2.段内内容还继续加强组织和充实点。

argument28 水杨酸钠求拍

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argument28 水杨酸钠 求拍

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argument28 水杨酸钠求拍