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[作文互改] ISSUE(公司不仅要挣钱,还要改善福利和环境) 求PIAPIA~~~

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楼主
发表于 2012-10-27 21:07:31 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式

(唉,好久好久没写AW啦。。都写不好了。。不过很怀念以前写文章,从小被 竹林、普渡哥两位斑斑 批到大~谢谢斑竹~)

What is a company’s foundation? Some may believe that the only foundation of a company will be to earn more and more money. However, as far as I am concerned, companies have the responsibility to improve the environment and the staffs’ own welfares.

First of all, I have to agree that the most important thing for a company is to make more money in the future. To set up a company is to find a way to sell products, to supply information to those in need, or to provide service to others. Then the company will earn money. None of these companies could exist in the situation that it could hardly make profits. So when people set up a company, they should take profits into the leading position, making any effort under the laws to make the company bigger and more well-known.

However, when a company is in operation, it can never ignore some other things which are very important. For example, one of these important things is the employees’ welfares. As we all know, a company is composed of employers and staffs, and the employees’ working efficiency will surly influence the company’s ability to earn profits. If most of the staffs are working without passion and energy, the company could hardly make improvement, and its stipulation will be outdated, then making the working efficiency lower. If a company making efforts to improve the staffs’ welfares, employees will have enough energy to keep working hard, and will surly bring about more profits for the company.

What’s more, a company should take social liabilities. If a company would like to become well-known, the quality of the products manufactured in the company will be important. If a company cheats consumers, selling fake goods, people will never believe in it after they realize the truth. So a company should always keep transparent to consumers, taking consumers into the first position, then it will earn a great prestige. People are always willing to buy products in a famous company. So to take social responsibility will not only help the company to earn a good prestige, but also help it to earn much more money.

Furthermore, a company should take care of the environment as well. There are some chemical factories still pouring a large quantity of waste water into the river, or some toxic things into the soil, making the environment problems more and more serious. Though many governments have set up a series kind of stipulations to protect the environment, the situation can be hardly distorted. Also, to do such things may make some profits for the company, but after some time, as people realize the evil it makes, they could hardly trust in the company. So if a company wants to last forever, one of the leading things it should do is to protect the environment.

From all the arguments issued above, I make a conclusion that although to earn money is crucial for a company, to improve the staffs’ welfares and to take social liabilities can be also very important for the company to keep working well.
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沙发
发表于 2012-10-27 21:52:11 | 只看该作者
liabilities这个词是债务的意思,你最好用burden
1.LZ比较好的一点是语言在表述上没什么错误,进步很大。
2.但为使得你的表述能更显得有水平,建议你可以尝试使用一些复句,而不都是简单句,比如使用虚拟语气,倒装等。
3.你谈的三点都很好,但这个题目的意图我觉得应该有一点应该包括进去,那就是这两者的关系该如何处理,毕竟很多的公司是见利忘义,或者说在承担社会责任和追逐利益的时候是有冲突的,你觉得该如何面对或者处理。
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2012-10-27 23:30:15 | 只看该作者
好的。。我用复杂句经常显得突兀,显得是“为了用而用”,难以自然得融入段落。。
我回去改改试试~~
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