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[作文互改] 新G ARGUMENT60 求拍!!

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楼主
发表于 2012-10-8 17:01:49 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
The following appeared in a letter from a firm providing investment advice for a client.
"Most homes in the northeastern United States, where winters are typically cold, have traditionally used oil as their major fuel for heating. Last heating season that region experienced 90 days with below-normal temperatures, and climate forecasters predict that this weather pattern will continue for several more years. Furthermore, many new homes are being built in the region in response to recent population growth. Because of these trends, we predict an increased demand for heating oil and recommend investment in Consolidated Industries, one of whose major business operations is the retail sale of home heating oil."


In this recommendation,the author contends that with an increased demand for heating oil,investment in Consolidated Industries will be a good choice.To bolster his conclusion,the author cites that most homes in the northeastern United States have traditionally used oil as their major fuel for heating,and because of the last 90 days with below-normal temperatures and the prediction of following weather pattern,there will be more demand for oil.In addition,the arguer points out recent population growth is also a primary cause.Maybe it seems to be plausible at the fist glance,after a thorough reflection,however,we will find it fraught with logical flaws.To steady his conclusion,the author has to provide extra evidence.

In the first place,the author assumes without justification that last heating season that region experienced 90 days with below-normal temperatures,and climate forecasters predict that this weather pattern will continue for several more years.However,we should recognize that it is really possible there had been longer days with below-normal temperatures in the past.And the last year is just a point turning better.If it were the case,then it is irrational to assert that in the following years,people will need more heating oil.Without an extra explicit evidence,the author cannot make this conclusion arbitrarily.

In the second place,the author makes the assumption that many new homes are responsible to recent population growth.Nonetheless,commonsense tells us it is a poor assumption.As we all know,it is more likely an increasing amount of new houses means there are more benefits in this field,rather than because of population growing.Moreover,even if it is true,the author would be rash to say there would be  an increased demand for heating oil,for that with the growing of  population,more and more new resource will spring up so that we have a broader choices to choose.In addition,we always intend to choose a new one.From the consideration noted above,we can see the conclusion of author is of little validity.

Finally,even if the foregoing assumptions turns out to be support the conclusion,the author still can't make such conclusion,just simply assuming that Consolidated Industries,one of whose major business operations is the retail sale of home heating oil,would get profits by some investment.It is reasonable to doubt that people will,in a greater likelihood,choose large companies rather than a retail companies.Therefore,the author should prove why none of the alternatives is available or why none of them is able to sustain.

In sum,the author's conclusion is of little credibility. To reach the cited conclusion,he has to provide information about weather condition of recent years and statistics towards a general number of people.What's more,it is necessary for him to take all possibilities into consideration and think carefully before assuming.
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沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2012-10-8 17:02:57 | 只看该作者
写ARGU 第二篇= =

作文一直都是我的死穴啊怎么办
板凳
发表于 2012-10-8 22:33:06 | 只看该作者
作文是所有人的死穴,除了少数专业的童鞋。
地板
发表于 2012-10-8 22:37:09 | 只看该作者
想和LZ探讨一个问题
argu写到最后,LZ觉得什么比较重要呢?
5#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-10-13 15:36:58 | 只看该作者
想和LZ探讨一个问题
argu写到最后,LZ觉得什么比较重要呢?
-- by 会员 竹林中人 (2012/10/8 22:37:09)



我觉得ARGU到最后就是找作者的毛病,但是这个毛病要合理,然后一层一层说明作者的不对。


(是不是我对ARGU的理解就出了问题啊?……)= = 汗!
6#
发表于 2012-10-13 18:20:23 | 只看该作者
你的理解是没问题,但不够透彻吧,因为挑毛病最后谁都会挑出来,然后怎么不对,大家基本都是差不多的说法,所以最后决定你文章档次,还不止于此
7#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-10-14 17:26:58 | 只看该作者
你的理解是没问题,但不够透彻吧,因为挑毛病最后谁都会挑出来,然后怎么不对,大家基本都是差不多的说法,所以最后决定你文章档次,还不止于此
-- by 会员 竹林中人 (2012/10/13 18:20:23)




每个人找的毛病也都大同小异,那么真正决定档次是否是  把这些毛病以一个有逻辑的顺寻展现出来。
8#
发表于 2012-10-15 00:31:15 | 只看该作者
你的理解是没问题,但不够透彻吧,因为挑毛病最后谁都会挑出来,然后怎么不对,大家基本都是差不多的说法,所以最后决定你文章档次,还不止于此
-- by 会员 竹林中人 (2012/10/13 18:20:23)





每个人找的毛病也都大同小异,那么真正决定档次是否是  把这些毛病以一个有逻辑的顺寻展现出来。
-- by 会员 littlekii (2012/10/14 17:26:58)

是的,你就把考官当一个小学生,把你整个的推理过程给清晰地说出来,让人一看就知道你是怎么推理分析的就好,而一般很多人都是头脑清醒,但写出来的比较模糊,虽然明白人能看懂,但还不清晰,不能看出推理的清晰的过程。另外语言的表达和组织也很重要,这是基本功,找错误等都是技巧性的东西,看过几篇就知道怎么回事了
9#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-10-16 18:50:23 | 只看该作者
昨天看到某个修改的文章  讲到了 就是把最重要的那个放在前面 然后依次逐渐变轻  

再说下 之前说到了 ISSUE 在另外一个帖子里 可能你没有看到 我贴过来 你看我有什么问题

前两天看了一个如果分析ISSUE的文章   我把它说的和我最终理解的给你说下 你看我的观点是否正确

比如一道ISSUE, 我们分三种情况去讨论 STATEMENT: 老师学生,家长孩子,老板员工。那篇文章对于这样的分发提出异议,他说这样的三个独立的部分,虽然都针对一个话题,但是其内在缺少一种逻辑联系,而这个恰恰是 ETS所要求的。

然后我根据它提的建议,以及我自己的理解,认为:首先一个ISSUE中要体现换位思考和分情况讨论的思想(可突出其中一种),其次在分情况时,所例举的情况之间是存在逻辑联系。

ISSUE和ARGU 都是一个找作者不足的地方,只不过ISSUE中,大部分纰漏需为展现,需要我们展开,而ARGU是纰漏在,我们去发现提出。

不知道我对ISSUE的这样理解是否可以?


以上  

哎 真心紧张  11.3号 = =
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