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AI68 第一篇完整的,望指出不足之处。

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楼主
发表于 2004-10-27 16:19:00 | 只看该作者

AI68 第一篇完整的,望指出不足之处。

68、“Since the physical work environment affects employee productivity and morale, the employees themselves should have the right to decide how their workplace is designed.






Towards the widely debated topic whether the employees should be allowed to decide the design of their workplace for their own, some people assert that we should be given the right for this freedom can increase our productivity and morale, while others believe that it easier said than done. In evidence, the issue of whether freedom of the employees to design their workplace, to which different kinds of people hold distinct views due to thier various background, is so hard to prove which is right because there is no universal answer to it, while whether one choice is superior to the other may quite depend on the specific situation. Thus, the speaker's extreme assertion is problematic that every employee should design his or her own workplace.






The first reason for this assertion is that different individuals have distinct preference, which we should see, and thus the we can hardly fulfill every worker's need if they share some common space. A good example may be found in the case that in an open office, where three work share this room, one of them like fume in the room, while other two would feel sick when the fume exist. In this situation, we can easily find it impossible for worker to design their workplaces that include the common room even the right is given. Moreover, the workplace designed by one employee may often bother some others.






What is more prevailing, personal designed workplace in many occasion lead to negative effects of the company. first, the workplace that are changed in favor of every employee is for sure different from one side to the other, this variety suggests informality and to some extend affect the image of the company. A second problem is that personalization usually means the input of a good amount of money, if we can not have the vision that the output can far exceed that huge input, we should not have the workplace personalized. Hence, another equally important aspect is that allowing employees to design the workplace may have the very possibility to create nagetive effects.






Admittedly, it may be true that workplace personalization can raise the employees' morale and productivity, however, this alone does not constitue a sufficient support to this assertion.


All in all, for the reasons discussed above, which sometimes correlate with each other to generate an integrate whole and thus become more convincing than any single one of them, it may be sufficient that allowing the workplace designed by everyone of the employees may generate many negative effects and thus we should limit the right to do so.
沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2004-10-27 16:25:00 | 只看该作者

boldtype的是模版(其实不标出业一看就看出来了)

模版是用6分模版改的,主要把原模版开头的6句话用gmat阅读的改写法缩写成3句(典型的长难句>_<)

麻烦各位达人指出我的不足之处,最好是分别从模版部分和非模版部分两个角度都说说~~~

感谢!!!

板凳
发表于 2004-10-28 15:39:00 | 只看该作者
感觉第一段过长,有头重脚轻之感!
地板
发表于 2004-10-28 16:00:00 | 只看该作者

我看了一些范文,常觉得,思想太浅薄了.常常是没有充分展开.这篇也不例外.除了一些套话,几乎没什么思想和展开.即使是展开,也脱离了原文的 productivity and morale和right .

如果从以下几方面展开如何?

1环境尽管很重要,但不是决定因素;只要满足基本的工作条件,进一步的改善无助于生产力的提高.因此没有必要在这方面兴师动众,让每一个人来设计.

2工作环境的设计是一个复杂的工程,并不是每一个人都能胜任的.更何况每一个人的口味不一样,有的甚至是相反的.所以并不是每一个员工都有权利来设计的.如果不是由老板一人决定,成立一个委员会.这也是目前企业的普遍做法.

结论: 如果要提高生产力和士气,公司应该从其它方面着手.

不知楼上仁兄以为如何?

5#
 楼主| 发表于 2004-10-29 09:06:00 | 只看该作者

嗯,我也在头痛怎样才能在几分钟内想到一个深入的提纲。

这篇文章我是用30分钟左右写出来的,其中1分钟看题目,然后一边一个劲把摸版打出来(我已经背熟了,能漫不经心的把摸版打出来),一边想提纲。所以在一心二用的情况下有6--7分钟想提纲,就想了这篇的提纲出来。

我在想,若我不一心二用的想,停下来想提纲的话,时间就更少了,只有2--3分钟吧。几分钟怎样才能想的深入呢?我觉得只能在平时啃掉所有题,但这仍然是治标不治本的。

XD您觉得呢?想听听您的意见。

6#
发表于 2004-10-29 10:54:00 | 只看该作者

几分钟怎样才能想的深入呢?我觉得只能在平时啃掉所有题,但这仍然是治标不治本的。

平时看题目的过程, 其实也是一个锻炼快速思维的过程。看多了就快了,而且思路会越来越来成熟。 当然, 平时想的时候要开放性思维。如果总是那几条常见的理由来套的话, 也很难做到提供思维能力。

7#
发表于 2004-11-2 11:40:00 | 只看该作者

估计只能在平常想了.有些问题,我中文作文都不能写几句,所以痛苦!有时想的观点,地球人都知道.

推荐一本书:钟良明<GRE作文应试教程>.虽然是针对GRE的,对GMAT应有些帮助.

希望听到大家读后的体会.

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