【写作小分队】鹤鹤厚着脸皮也来鸟~~走过路过~拍砖勿错过~~

超级无敌小鹤鹤 · 发表于 2012-5-3 15:57:19

哎呀呀~~ 不行不行~ 人老了，就素不自觉！

嗯嗯！索性厚着脸皮挖个小坑！把各种弱爆了的作文埋进去！！
丫丫滴！！雄赳赳，气昂昂！！TOEFL WRITING！我要neng shi你！！！

TIPS: 各位看官~走过路过~~拍砖勿错过~~鹤鹤只卖作文不卖笑！！嗯~~~看后如有各种不适，请自觉关闭本页！阿门！

超级无敌小鹤鹤 · 发表于 2012-5-3 15:58:57

IntegratedWriting TPO 4

The reading and the lecture both discuss the dinosaurs. The reading passage gives credence to the claim that dinosaurs were actually endotherms; meanwhile, the professor provides evidence contrary to this assertion.

The author of the passage mentions the fossils discovered in Polar Regions, a district where only endotherms could survive and declares that the dinosaurs could maintain their temperatures. The professor, however, claims that Polar Regions are much warmer today than they were. He further asserts that polar dinosaurs could migrate to warmer areas or just hibernate even if it was really cold.

The next view made by the reading is that the legs of dinosaurs were underneath the bodies, just like the modern endotherms. But the professor points out that this has nothing to do with high-energy endotherms. According to him, having legs under the body just because this structure could support more weight, thus allowing dinosaurs to grow to a large size which had advantages for dinosaurs.

Finally, to counter the assertion that the bone structure dense with haversian canals is a characteristic of endotherms, the professor mentions the growth rings. Growth rings could show us the periods of time when dinosaurs were not rapidly growing. The professor declares that the fact dinosaurs stopped growing or grew more slowly during cold periods is characteristic of non-endotherms animals.

In conclusion, the reading strongly believes that dinosaurs should be sorted into endotherms; however, the professor refutes these evidences and provides his own proof of this very fact.

超级无敌小鹤鹤 · 发表于 2012-5-3 20:59:46

The last several years have seen an increased frequency of moving to a new place because of some decisions, such as changing jobs, going on higher education, or just retiring from work. Numerous claims have been made that it is not a smart choice as it means the loss of old friends, which is really a high price. I, however, disagree with this contention through my personal experiences.

For one, as the development of new technology, more and more innovations designed to help people communicate for a long distance have been invited, such as cell phone and e-mail. Through these miraculous medias, people can easily keep in touch with their old friends no matter where they are. During my high school life, I have an intimate friend called Tim. We almost stayed together every day, and some teachers even regarded us as twins. So I will never forget that night I cried sadly just because I should go to a new city for my study and I thought I would lose Tim. But fortunately, using the phones and Skype, I can still keep in touch with Tim. We meet on Internet every night, and we usually talk about the events recently happened in our life. Never do I have a feeling that I will lose my friend just because of the long distance.

In addition, it may be a fact that we will lose some of our old friends, but I do not believe it is a huge loss. True friends are friends that you always keep in touch with each other, and the friendship will not be easy destroyed by the long distance but may be more precious. Those who we lose are not true friends, and I’m sure we will still lose them someday even if there was no distance. So why should we change our notion because of the loss of them?

Last of all, moving to a new place will give us an opportunity to have some new friends. They will remind you of your old friends, and sometimes they can be seen as substitutes for old friends. For instance, once I was worried about doing a presentation in a science class because I get nervous speaking in front of the others. What is worse, Tim was just busy doing his work that day. So I felt despaired and helpless. Then my roommate knew this, so he told me to imagine I was only talking to him and helped me relax myself. His advice kept me calm, and I received an excellent grade. So I am sure these new friends will also give me lots of assistance and support.

In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that people have no need to worry about the loss of old friends when moving to a new place. Just keep in touch with your old friends and try to make some new friends, and you will benefit from it.

晨依Jacqueline · 发表于 2012-5-3 22:08:29

我是不是有必要来膜拜一个呢~
加油，超级无敌万能的小鹤鹤~！

婷婷connie · 发表于 2012-5-3 22:36:50

haha,婷婷批文中，敬请期待吧~

IntegratedWriting TPO 4

The reading and the lecture both discuss the dinosaurs. The reading passage gives credence to the claim that dinosaurs were actually endotherms; meanwhile, the professor provides evidences contrary to this assertion.

The author of the passage mentions the fossils discovered in Polar Regions, a district where only endotherms could survive and declares that the dinosaurs could maintain their temperatures. The professor, however, claims that Polar Regions are much warmer today than they were(这个地方理解有误,改成were much warmer than today). He further asserts that polar dinosaurs could migrate to warmer areas or just hibernate even if it was really cold.

The next view made by the reading is that the legs of dinosaurs were underneath the bodies, just like the modern endotherms. But the professor points out that this has nothing to do with high-energy endotherms. According to him, having legs under the body just because this structure could support more weight, thus allowing dinosaurs to grow to a large size which had advantages for dinosaurs.

Finally,to counter the assertion(hypothesis/assume/suppose/guess/presume ,可以多积累几个类似assertion的词）that the bone structure dense with haversian(跟原文一样，用大写吧Haversian) canals is a characteristic of endotherms, the professor mentions the growth rings. Growth rings could show us the periods of time when dinosaurs were not rapidly growing. The professor declares that the fact dinosaurs stopped growing or grew more slowly during cold periods is characteristic of non-endotherms animals(听力里是crocodiles不过这个很有难度啊，我这点都木有听出来).

In conclusion, the reading strongly believes that dinosaurs should be sorted into endotherms; however, the professor refutes these evidences and provides his own proofs of this very fact.

Conclusion:鹤鹤写的很棒呀

1.每一段很有逻辑，counter,assertion这样的词很好

2.听力的关键点和细节都有给出，但第一点稍微有些出入，应该是粗心吧

3.注意开头的evidence和结尾的proof，这些都要该句的单侧一致哦

Crystaljoy · 发表于 2012-5-3 23:03:39

誓词那个激昂！
肯定行~！

婷婷connie · 发表于 2012-5-4 11:28:56

无敌鹤鹤的5.3独立改文
The last several years have seen(have witnessed感觉更好，在高中教科书上看来的)an increased frequency of moving to a new place because of some decisions, such as changing jobs, going on higher education, or just retiring from work(job promotion, higher education pursuit, retirement relaxation都改成名词形式). Numerous claims have been made that it is not a smart choice as it means the loss of old friends, which is really a high price.(这一句可以不要,有点罗嗦了)I, however, disagree with this contention through my personal experiences.

For one（用to begin with比较好。For one是“举例说”？）, as the development of new technology, more and more innovationsdesigned to help people communicate for a long distance have been invited, such as cell phone and e-mail. Through these miraculous medias, people can easily keep in touch with their old friends no matter where they are. During my high school life, I have an intimate friend called Tim. We almost stayed together every day, and some teachers even regarded us as twins. So I will never forget that night I cried sadly (鹤鹤真哭了哈？)just because I should（had to） go to a new city for my study and I thought I would lose Tim. But fortunately, using the phones and Skype, I can still keep in touch with Tim. We meet on Internet every night, and we usually talk about the events recently happened in our life. Never do I have a feeling that I will lose my friend just because of the long distance.

In addition, it may be a fact that we will lose some of our old friends, but I do not believe it is a huge loss. True friends are friends that you always keep in touch with each other, and the friendship will not be easy destroyed by the long distance but may be more precious. Those who we lose are not true friends, and I’m sure we will still lose them someday even if there was no distance. So why should we change our notion （for moving to a new place加上）because of the loss of them?
这一段举个例子就好了，像weather friend
Last of all, moving to a new place will give us an opportunity to have some new friends. They will remind you of your old friends, and sometimes they can be seen as substitutes for old friends. For instance, once I was worried about doing（可以删掉） a presentation in a science class because I get nervous （when）speaking in front of the others. What is worse, Tim was just busy doing his work that day. So I felt despaired and helpless. Then my roommate knew this, so(and，感觉没有直接的因果关系)he told me to imagine (that)I was only talking to him and helped me relax myself. His advice kept me calm, and I received an excellent grade. So I am sure these new friends will also give me lots of assistance and support.

In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that people have no need to worry about the loss of old friends when moving to a new place. Just keep in touch with your old friends and try to make some new friends, and you will benefit from it.（结尾很不错！）

Conclusion:鹤鹤，Tim是谁呀？哈哈

1.框架逻辑很不错了

2.多用名词替代一个动宾短语，这样更显地道

3.第二段还要Polish一下，感觉细节不够

Ps:鹤鹤，是不是自己改过一遍了？我都木有发现错误啊

喵喵了个咪 · 发表于 2012-5-4 11:42:55

只卖作文不卖笑···

超级无敌小鹤鹤 · 发表于 2012-5-4 14:16:05

haha,婷婷批文中，敬请期待吧~

IntegratedWriting TPO 4

The reading and the lecture both discuss the dinosaurs. The reading passage gives credence to the claim that dinosaurs were actually endotherms; meanwhile, the professor provides evidences contrary to this assertion.

The author of the passage mentions the fossils discovered in Polar Regions, a district where only endotherms could survive and declares that the dinosaurs could maintain their temperatures. The professor, however, claims that Polar Regions are much warmer today than they were(这个地方理解有误,改成were much warmer than today). He further asserts that polar dinosaurs could migrate to warmer areas or just hibernate even if it was really cold.

The next view made by the reading is that the legs of dinosaurs were underneath the bodies, just like the modern endotherms. But the professor points out that this has nothing to do with high-energy endotherms. According to him, having legs under the body just because this structure could support more weight, thus allowing dinosaurs to grow to a large size which had advantages for dinosaurs.

Finally,to counter the assertion(hypothesis/assume/suppose/guess/presume ,可以多积累几个类似assertion的词）that the bone structure dense with haversian(跟原文一样，用大写吧Haversian) canals is a characteristic of endotherms, the professor mentions the growth rings. Growth rings could show us the periods of time when dinosaurs were not rapidly growing. The professor declares that the fact dinosaurs stopped growing or grew more slowly during cold periods is characteristic of non-endotherms animals(听力里是crocodiles不过这个很有难度啊，我这点都木有听出来).

In conclusion, the reading strongly believes that dinosaurs should be sorted into endotherms; however, the professor refutes these evidences and provides his own proofs of this very fact.

Conclusion:鹤鹤写的很棒呀

1.每一段很有逻辑，counter,assertion这样的词很好

2.听力的关键点和细节都有给出，但第一点稍微有些出入，应该是粗心吧

3.注意开头的evidence和结尾的proof，这些都要该句的单侧一致哦

-- by 会员婷婷connie (2012/5/3 22:36:50)

嗯嗯哈哈第一点确实粗心了。。。好2的错误啊

。。。面壁面壁！！！

超级无敌小鹤鹤 · 发表于 2012-5-4 14:23:39

无敌鹤鹤的5.3独立改文
The last several years have seen(have witnessed感觉更好，在高中教科书上看来的)an increased frequency of moving to a new place because of some decisions, such as changing jobs, going on higher education, or just retiring from work(job promotion, higher education pursuit, retirement relaxation都改成名词形式). Numerous claims have been made that it is not a smart choice as it means the loss of old friends, which is really a high price.(这一句可以不要,有点罗嗦了)I, however, disagree with this contention through my personal experiences.

For one（用to begin with比较好。For one是“举例说”？）, as the development of new technology, more and more innovationsdesigned to help people communicate for a long distance have been invited, such as cell phone and e-mail. Through these miraculous medias, people can easily keep in touch with their old friends no matter where they are. During my high school life, I have an intimate friend called Tim. We almost stayed together every day, and some teachers even regarded us as twins. So I will never forget that night I cried sadly (鹤鹤真哭了哈？)just because I should（had to） go to a new city for my study and I thought I would lose Tim. But fortunately, using the phones and Skype, I can still keep in touch with Tim. We meet on Internet every night, and we usually talk about the events recently happened in our life. Never do I have a feeling that I will lose my friend just because of the long distance.

In addition, it may be a fact that we will lose some of our old friends, but I do not believe it is a huge loss. True friends are friends that you always keep in touch with each other, and the friendship will not be easy destroyed by the long distance but may be more precious. Those who we lose are not true friends, and I’m sure we will still lose them someday even if there was no distance. So why should we change our notion （for moving to a new place加上）because of the loss of them?
这一段举个例子就好了，像weather friend
Last of all, moving to a new place will give us an opportunity to have some new friends. They will remind you of your old friends, and sometimes they can be seen as substitutes for old friends. For instance, once I was worried about doing（可以删掉） a presentation in a science class because I get nervous （when）speaking in front of the others. What is worse, Tim was just busy doing his work that day. So I felt despaired and helpless. Then my roommate knew this, so(and，感觉没有直接的因果关系)he told me to imagine (that)I was only talking to him and helped me relax myself. His advice kept me calm, and I received an excellent grade. So I am sure these new friends will also give me lots of assistance and support.

In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that people have no need to worry about the loss of old friends when moving to a new place. Just keep in touch with your old friends and try to make some new friends, and you will benefit from it.（结尾很不错！）

Conclusion:鹤鹤，Tim是谁呀？哈哈

1.框架逻辑很不错了

2.多用名词替代一个动宾短语，这样更显地道

3.第二段还要Polish一下，感觉细节不够

Ps:鹤鹤，是不是自己改过一遍了？我都木有发现错误啊

-- by 会员婷婷connie (2012/5/4 11:28:56)

哇~~ 第一段婷婷改得真好~~~ 嘻嘻~ 好滴以后多用用名词！

第二段我在捉摸捉摸哈~~

【写作小分队】鹤鹤厚着脸皮也来鸟~~走过路过~拍砖勿错过~~

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

正在浏览此版块的会员 ()