【写作小分队】艾粒丝的作文贴~

花呀clear · 发表于 2012-6-1 23:13:29

6.1独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

Living in an international world, it is inevitable to move to a brand-new place because of work relocation or some economic reasons. Some people totally oppose this "moving-thing" because, obviously, once you moved, you lost contact with your friends, and as a result, sooner or later, once intimate friends will become regular ones, or even strangers.

No one can deny this fact. The distance in space does make things that keep friendship fresh and long-lasting like shopping together impossible. Plus, without the same environment, topic between you and your friends will become different, and different would mean indifference. If talkers feel boring in conversation, chances are few conversations would occur. Insufficient communication is absolutely a killer in a relationship. Consequently, the abysmal situation some imagine probably come up -- the loss of old friends.

However, does distance equal to loss of friends? Absolutely no. Countless couples are enduring distance problem but they are still love each other so much, let alone the freer friendship! Besides your familiar environment, you can also talk about some popular things that without area limits, for example, the recent new movies or your favorite singer's new album! You can also share feelings about new environment with friends. People you meet, distinctive circumstance you encounter or even the new relationship you develop in the new place! There are so many topics for you to share. There are always tons of ways to maintain friendship!

Meanwhile, we cannot deny moving just because this reason. There are abundant advantages about the moving as well. First, Moving to a new city or a new country brings new people to acquainted and new environment to adapt to. It is an excellent opportunity to build up one's adaptive ability and forces one to be independent. Both play essential roles in one's lifetime. From childhood to adulthood, one will experience different things. The ones who accustom these changes quickly and deal with challenges perfectly proved to be more successful. Second, one can widen his circle of friends via this move. Different place nourishes different people. Dealing with different people, not only does one could make new friends, but also can introduce new friends to his old friends and therefore form bigger circle. It is a win-win situation for new friends, old ones and oneself. Before coming into my conclusion, I want to state the last point. Frequent moving MIGHT attribute loss of friends. But one who always experience changes, deal with different people and see dissimilar view would definitely have a broader horizon, which makes him or her fulfilling and enriched, bring one a lifetime benefits and is a wealth that cannot be taken away.

In a word, if one cannot deal with friendship good, then he or she might be better work on this project rather than blame the move thing. Every relationship need to be engaged in, with time and energy. Distance might mean more time and energy, but never mean loss. After all, best friends would always be best friends; distance or other factors would not be in the way. What the move thing brings is more advantages than disadvantages. Accordingly, I am in favor of the move thing, not so frequent, though.

hysx1988 · 发表于 2012-6-2 22:14:22

Living in an international world, it is inevitable to move to a brand-new place because of work relocation or some economic reasons. Some people totally oppose this "moving-thing" because, obviously, once you moved, you lost contact with your friends, and as a result, sooner or later, once intimate friends will become regular ones, or even strangers.(个人感觉这段插入语有点多了，看起来很零碎的感觉，可以再整装一下，按照一些辅导课的说法和范文，米国人应该是要开门见山表达看法的，MM第一段应该也要表个态吧)

No one can deny this fact. The distance in space does make things that keep friendship fresh and long-lasting like shopping together impossible. Plus, without the same environment, topic between you and your friends will become different, and different(difference) would mean indifference. If talkers feel boring in conversation, chances are few conversations would occur（这句有语法有问题）. Insufficient communication is absolutely a killer in a relationship. Consequently, the abysmal situation some imagine（这句也读不懂，如果some imagine用作定语从句的话some后面应该有one或者people吧）probably come up -- the loss of old friends.

However, does distance equal to loss of friends? Absolutely no. Countless couples are enduring distance problem but they are still love each other so much, let alone the freer friendship! Besides your familiar environment, you can also talk about some popular things that without area limits（语法错误，limit）, for example, the recent new movies or your favorite singer's new album! You can also share feelings about new environment with friends. People you meet, distinctive circumstance you encounter or even the new relationship you develop in the new place! There are so many topics for you to share. There are always tons of ways to maintain friendship!

Meanwhile, we cannot deny moving just because this reason. There are abundant advantages about（of） the moving as well. First, Moving to a new city
or a new country brings new people to (be) acquaintedand new environment to adapt to. It is an excellent opportunity to build up one's adaptive ability and forces one(删掉) to be independent. Both play essential roles in one's lifetime. From childhood to adulthood, one will experience different things. The ones who accustom （to）these changes quickly and deal with challenges perfectly proved to be more successful. Second, one can widen his circle of friends via this move. Different place nourishes different people. Dealing with different people, not only does one could make new friends, but also can introduce new friends to his old friends and therefore form bigger circle. It is a win-win situation for new friends, old ones and oneself. Before coming into my conclusion, I want to state the last point. Frequent moving MIGHT attribute loss of friends. But one who always experience changes, deal with different people and see dissimilar view would definitely have a broader horizon, which makes him or her fulfilling and enriched, bring one a lifetime benefits and is a wealth that cannot be taken away.

In a word, if one cannot deal with friendship good, then he or she might be better work on this project rather than blame the move thing. Every relationship need to be engaged in, with time and energy. Distance might mean more time and energy, but never mean loss. After all, best friends would always be best friends; distance or other factors would not be in the way. What the move thing brings is more advantages than disadvantages. Accordingly, I am in favor of the move thing, not so frequent, though.
MM,我不知道你是不是在国外哦，我只是感觉你的这个套路不是很正统的那种，就是培训过或者范文的那种~我才疏学浅，也不是很搞得懂~但是我觉得有些地方的逻辑还是要加强一下，我读下来，就是整体感觉有点不懂~整体的用词造句还是很不错滴~

花呀clear · 发表于 2012-6-3 13:31:28

我是刚考完GMAT...好久没写作文把T作文当G写来着
这两天刚开始看托福作文的书所以可能整个作文有点散... 真的是好久没写的关系啦(G的时候作文也没怎么练)

花呀clear · 发表于 2012-6-3 13:32:58

6月2日101029 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Communication skill is the most important character of those who are successful.

Communication skill is put greater emphasis these days. People that are considered successful like these new technology and media moguls -- including the likes of Ted Turner and Bill Gates --seem to have excellent communication skills. They deliver fantastic speeches in the board of directors, universities and so on. This causes an impression that communication skill is the most important character for these successful people. From my perspective, this statement only applies to some certain conditions.

Billionaires like Bill Gates, Rockefeller belong to the successful people, of course. For them, Communication skill plays a vital role. As a businessman, one needs to deal with different kinds of people, most of whom are tough and tricky. Facing to these complicated situation, businessman always need to talk carefully and effectively since poor communication can lead to lost business, which, in turn, leads to lost revenue. In this case, I am agree with the statement that communication is dominant, in the business world, though.

Whereas there are also people who might lack communication skill while still are successful. Scientists like Qian Yongjian, the Nobel Prize Winner, or the imaginary theory physicist Sheldon Cooper are known to be absense of communication skill. But this shortage does not hamper their work at all. On the contrary, poor communication skill sometimes is actually an advantage for them -- they can concentrate on their work without being disturbed.

In short, communication skill does play a distinct role in one's career path, but it is definitely not the most significant one. To be successful, one has to foster his own distinctive skill to stand out; communication skill is just a tool to make one better.

joan31217 · 发表于 2012-6-3 17:09:13

Communication skill is put （putting? 我有点不懂这句话的意思) greater emphasis these days. People ~~that~~ （who)are considered successful like these new technology and media moguls (好词） -- including ~~the likes of~~ Ted Turner and Bill Gates --seem to have excellent communication skills. They deliver fantastic speeches in the board of directors, universities and so on~~. This~~ （，which might) causes an impression that communication skill is the most important character for these successful people. From my perspective, this statement only applies to some certain conditions.

Billionaires like Bill Gates, Rockefeller belong to the successful people, of course. For them, Communication skill plays a vital role. As a businessman, one needs to deal with different kinds of people, most of ~~whom~~ (them) are tough and tricky. Facing to these complicated situation, businessman always need to talk carefully and effectively since poor communication can lead to ~~lost~~ (losing/ the loss of )business, which, in turn, leads to ~~lost~~ (losing/ the loss of )revenue. In this case, I am agree with the statement that communication is dominant, in the business world, though.

Whereas there are also people who might lack communication skill ~~while still~~ are still successful. Scientists like Qian Yongjian, the Nobel Prize Winner, or the imaginary theory physicist Sheldon Cooper （哈哈，虚幻的电视剧人物没有说服力吧，尽管我也喜欢他）are known to be ~~absense(~~absent) of communication skill. But this shortage does not hamper their work at all. On the contrary, poor communication skill sometimes is actually an advantage for them -- they can concentrate on their work without being disturbed.

In short, communication skill does play a distinct role in one's career path, but it is definitely not the most significant one. To be successful, one has to foster his own distinctive skill to stand out; communication skill is just a tool to make one better.（结尾很棒）

MM的结构很好，也很有条理，但是字数有点少，加油加油。

花呀clear · 发表于 2012-6-4 08:53:17

这篇实在是想不出什么东西了.....所以字数少得可怜

花呀clear · 发表于 2012-6-4 08:57:11

6.3独立 100619 NA
If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, you will use e-mail or text messaging, OR use the telephone or voice-messaging.

In only certain decades, way to communication has been updated. From letter to e-mail, from telephone to messages, modern people's problem seems to transfer from how to get connected to in which way to discuss. Especially, when it comes to upsetting or controversial problems to talk about, so many options there and a discussion is therefore raised: which way would be the best. Some people advocate e-mail or text messaging--indirect way it is--on the grounds that people need to time to heal from these troubles or to scrutinize the whole situation. Whereas people choose to use telephone or voice-messaging claim that the real and direct voice means sincerity. From my perspective, the key point in this problem lies in the type of people one need to talk with. In other words, it depends on types of the target people.

If one is proposed to talk over problems with his boss or a stranger, then indirect ways like e-mail would be the best. Issues that upset you might have nothing to do with others, in their views, probably. Plus, they are likely to have a bunch of stuff to deal with. In this case, brusque disturb is not a good choice. Instead e-mails or text messaging allow people with time to concern and handle. Moreover, people engaged in fluster are normally agitated and perplexed. Such a condition might be a chance to nourish a friendship, but one would never want to be in a fierce fight with his boss or people one even is unfamiliar to. Editing an e-mail or text-message enables people to organize words nicely and politely, therefore help avoid a debate.

However, when it comes to friends or family members, I would definitely call them immediately. Communications between friends or family members are casual and free, and there should not be any reserve. When one is upset and is vulnerable due to troubles, close people are always the ones to share and to gain some consolation. Direct voice exchanging will bring the maximum comfort. When two intimate people encounter problems, thorough discussion is the step one. Via text-massages or e-mail, words might be misunderstood and instant feedbacks are not guaranteed.

In a word, as I has stated above, when deciding ways to communicate, one probably need to check type of the talking objects. When you are familiar, instant talking provides sufficient time and effective results. Yet when your target people are your supervisor or strangers, you might need to rethink and discuss through an indirect way.

honunu · 发表于 2012-6-4 09:06:57

想问楼主，不需要用明显的例子嘛？

花呀clear · 发表于 2012-6-4 09:35:27

想问楼主，不需要用明显的例子嘛？

-- by 会员 honunu (2012/6/4 9:06:57)

你一说我才意识到这篇确实没有用具体的例子但是我寻思那些when开头的条件句也可以当例子看吧?
应该是不一定非得有具体的事例吧我想当然有的问题举例子让论点更清晰 for example这些会比较好

Crystaljoy · 发表于 2012-6-4 17:27:15

花呀加油↖(^ω^)↗

【写作小分队】艾粒丝的作文贴~

谢谢hysx1988帮忙批改咯

谢谢joan帮忙修改!

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