ISSUE 33求拍

waywong · 发表于 2012-5-15 23:49:33

也是掐时间写的。。但是还没写完。。。。。。总共时间花了快1个小时。。。求拍。。求狠拍。。。
那个结尾现在回头来看一看好像和文章没关系啊。。请问这样的结尾可以的么？？？？需要改么

At hand is the issue about whether or not things doesn’t become more comprehensible but more complex and mysterious.The consequence that things will become more complex and mysterious, the author points out, is resulted from more knowledge we acquire, statement that is in fact unilateral.The speaker overlooks some other significant elements such as certain social problems unique to the today's world.So, frankly, although the statement has its value to some degree, i don't think it is well defined to our current condition.

Admittedly, as we acquire more knowledge, we see the things more comprehensible, thus things will become more difficult to explain.For example, ancient people could not explain the phenomenon why the weather is ever-changing, so they describe this special phenomenon as the control under some gods.But now, even the children can understand the real reason that it is caused by the temperature changes.In this view of point, things are seemingly more complex and mysterious for people to comprehend.

However, this condition cannot imply that the more knowledge we acquire, the more difficulty we comprehend the things.In fact, as we get more knowledge, we can explain one thing into some different explanations with accuracy and correctness.Such as the example i used before, we handle the questions which ancient people haven't worked out.Exactly, perhaps things just become more complex and mysterious, but we cannot deny that we get the answers more nearly to the truth since we acquire more knowledge.Put in another way, things just becomes more comprehensible for the reason our knowledge in total keeps growing and correspondingly we are becoming better equipped to cope with the problems that emerge.

Actually, there is no need to feel frustrated about the increasingly more complex and more mysterious things that we confront, it is an inevitable outcome of the advanced knowledge.In an ancient life, our ancestors live in a very easy way, such as self-sufficient planting and fishing.And on the contrary, we cannot satisfy with these only simple things in today’s life.Now we use modern inventions, such as computer, mobile phone, vehicle, to make our life better and more convenient.However, we must face some problems that seem more complex and difficult to solve, such as the racial and cultural conflict caused by the advanced technology and economic globalization, the war threats especially the nuclear war threats, the environmental pollution such as global warming and nuclear leak and the aggravated gap between the rich and the poor.

In sum, human is a great species which like to challenge and beyond themselves and to explore the unknown things.So no matter how complex and mysterious things are going to happen, human will come through them and find better explanations to things until they get the truth.

淡淡飞过 · 发表于 2012-5-16 08:19:50

The consequence that things will become more complex and mysterious, the author points out, is resulted from more knowledge we acquire, statement that is in fact unilateral

You have to use "as the author points out" here.

淡淡飞过 · 发表于 2012-5-16 09:28:55

I do like your viewpoint and arguments in this article.

However I think the "actually. . " paragraph is not very persuasive. In the first sentence, you said that people don't have to be upset by the complex things, but you did not really explain it in the following. On the contrary, it seems that you are discribing the difficulties modern people are facing.

淡淡飞过 · 发表于 2012-5-16 09:33:57

Admittedly, as we acquire more knowledge, we see the things more comprehensible, thus things will become more difficult to explain.For example, ancient people could not explain the phenomenon why the weather is ever-changing, so they describe this special phenomenon as the control under some gods.But now, even the children can understand the real reason that it is caused by the temperature changes.In this view of point, things are seemingly more complex and mysterious for people to comprehend.

This paragraph:

the example is good; however, why do things becomes more difficult to explain when we understand things more comprehensively?

I think your first sentence is not logically right.

淡淡飞过 · 发表于 2012-5-16 09:39:13

At hand is the issue about whether or not things doesn’t become more comprehensible but more complex and mysterious.The consequence that things will become more complex and mysterious, the author points out, is resulted from more knowledge we acquire, statement that is in fact unilateral.The speaker overlooks some other significant elements such as certain social problems unique to the today's world.So, frankly, although the statement has its value to some degree, i don't think it is well defined to our current condition.

I read your article again, and I realize that the first sentence of this paragraph has a serious grammar problem.

"At hand is the issue of "why" things do not become more comprehensible but more complex and mysterious as people acquire more knowledge"

Second sentence: the consequence. . . "results from" (not "is resulted from")

waywong · 发表于 2012-5-16 13:03:23

At hand is the issue about whether or not things doesn’t become more comprehensible but more complex and mysterious.The consequence that things will become more complex and mysterious, the author points out, is resulted from more knowledge we acquire, statement that is in fact unilateral.The speaker overlooks some other significant elements such as certain social problems unique to the today's world.So, frankly, although the statement has its value to some degree, i don't think it is well defined to our current condition.

I read your article again, and I realize that the first sentence of this paragraph has a serious grammar problem.

"At hand is the issue of "why" things do not become more comprehensible but more complex and mysterious as people acquire more knowledge"

Second sentence: the consequence. . . "results from" (not "is resulted from")

-- by 会员淡淡飞过 (2012/5/16 9:39:13)

好的。谢谢淡淡飞过啊！！。我回去把这个首段句子改一改

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-5-16 20:56:04

is resulted from？不需要用被动语态的，这儿。
as we acquire more knowledge, we see the things more comprehensible？我觉得这样的表达很不地道。形容词不能修饰句子，其次我觉得这样的表达还不如用in a more comprehensive way。
thus things will become more difficult to explain.我觉得这句话后面需要支撑性的话语，而不是直接跟例子。比如出现这种结果你认为的原因，然后再接例子。
淡淡飞过指出了部分的语言上的错误，我感觉错误还有很多，ＬＺ有必要重视下，准确地写对写好每一句话很重要。语言表达是作文的基本。
其次，就是你的论证，像上面我举出的这个例子，你可以好好想想。

[作文互改] ISSUE 33求拍

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