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[作文互改] Issue2~5~117求拍!!!

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楼主
发表于 2012-7-28 19:32:55 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
刚刚开始练习issue, 一定会有很多毙命而不自知的错误,希望得到大神方向性的指导和言辞犀利的批评,虚心接受,不断改善,力图提高!!!

题目:To under stand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.

Leaves can be the signal of the coming of autumn, you cannot say, however, leaves represent the most important character of autum. Similarly, you can acquire the most important characters ofa society from studying its major cities, many approaches besides it , however, are available to know a society.



Initially, studying the major cities will lead one entering the door of knowing its society. As major cities, they are developed with all kinds of attentions, copious of funds, different aspects of mavens. Then, with so many advantages compared with some other cities or villages, they can of course be developed fully. In that way, a lot of the main characters of the society will be presented to the full. For example, as the capital of China, Peking is famous for its long history and old tradition remained, representing the the character of the long history of China; Paris, also, stands out in the range of the cities around the world for its romance and fashion, which is the main character of France; at the same time, NewYork is a city with a special compatibility, which is the character of the whole society of America, which is, as we all know, a country full of the world's people. So, learn the major city, and know the main characters. This is quite reasonable.


However, we cannot assert that we will know the society if only we learn the main cities. Also, there are many other ways to achieve such a goal.


For one thing, what people see in major cities may be dubious as a representative of the real society. In many cases, governments of countries try to set up high buildings in order to pretend that the country were developed and modern. And in such a city, all you are talking to are cultivated civilians with full education .Actually, the villages in the same society, what comes in your eyes will be old hovels in danger, hungry illiterates in needs, totally a kind of life which is not guaranteed living "tomorrow" as safe as that of "today". Then, you can absolutely say, what you studied about the major cities can tell you the real main characters of the society, even we cannot neglect the truth of the development of major cities.


Another thing, (半小时,384words) more other methods can be alternative of studying major cities in order to see a society with a possible multiple dimensions and perspectives. Firstly, searching information on all kinds of historian documents is a fantastic way. From relative books, TV programs, can we always see a tactile history which can give us an angle to reflect the present situation today. Maybe, deeper knowledge can be achieved by us. At the same time, try to talk with the habitants of the society from different classes, from various stages, from different jobs. One person, one society. All them together, with the help of which, we can own a marvelous scene of the society. Therefore, enlarge the kind of methods, organize the society in a more realistic perspective.


As has been said, studying major cities is one way to know the main characters of a society, but never been the only path. Broaden the horizons. Increase the degree of truth.50分钟,540words
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沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2012-7-28 19:52:59 | 只看该作者
补充提纲:
1 首先肯定题目陈述的有理之处,即主要的城市会一定程度上代表所在国家的特点,举例:北京,巴黎,纽约

2转折段:点到这种陈述有不足,且有其他可以做到认识一个国家的方式

3通过主要城市认识国家会有片面性,忽略广大的乡村和整个国家的基本面貌

4可以运用综合性的方式来认识国家:比如查看历史资料,看纪录片、相关图书,和不同阶层不同职业的当地人聊天
板凳
发表于 2012-7-29 09:55:57 | 只看该作者
Peking,这个我觉得你还是直接用Beijing,毕竟现在说这个多些,Peking只是某些专有名词中出现。
写的很不错啊,提纲思路很清晰,加油
地板
 楼主| 发表于 2012-7-29 21:05:50 | 只看该作者

第一段这么说对吗,纯属自己裸创的···还请版主不吝赐教
5#
发表于 2012-7-29 21:07:44 | 只看该作者

第一段这么说对吗,纯属自己裸创的···还请版主不吝赐教
-- by 会员 theopenwindow (2012/7/29 21:05:50)

嗯,我个人觉得最好太文学化的语言不要出现在Issue里面吧,建议你把第一句修改下
6#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-7-29 21:09:00 | 只看该作者
好,明白!谢谢
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