新人5g，第一篇issue,绿皮书第七道题，求拍，狠拍...谢谢！

沧稼轩 · 发表于 2012-3-23 00:10:58

Would it benefit society more with the country starting founding the art than it did not? I tend to side with the later, for that the more founding the arts get the more stifled the will been by the government, from this point founding the arts surely would not help the arts been flourished. For one thing, the absence of material and it’s follow effect may be one of the most important reason why artist can produce such shackle production. In addition, even neglecting the relationship between innovation and economic situation, it would also cause trouble to the government itself. Besides, the foundation would also adversely affect artist’s production when it will weaken their integrity.

Among the greatest arts, some of them have their production crated in their hardest period(phase) of their life. It can be indicated in the history and may be proven in the future that in many cases the depress and/or the frustrate will helps the arts’ crating ability. When trapping into these disappointed situation, the arts’ brain may have some marvelous chemistry reaction that let them use their music or poem to strengthen their mind and disperse their sorrows. It may be hold by some people that these dissatisfaction may threaten the art’s healthy, and if the government can provide some financial assistant their situation will be make better. But I think not all the bad situation can be revert by economic help, although for those can be reverted, if the arts are told to chose from great art and health I think nearly all great art will chose the latter versus the former.

Government itself will also face some problem when it decided to offer financial foundation to the artist. This would be true for either long term help or short term help. First look at those long term foundation, which will be keep for decades of years. In this sense, we can’t expect the arts hold their keen eyesight for the arts, for the beauty, and even for lives. After being settled in such a system the arts may soon tinted(?) by the bureaucracy, which in no case will welcomed by the society. Secondly, when consider the short term founding, which can be offered during the server phases of the arts in order to gives them a hand. Although, those alternative have some merit, but the short term foundation may also cause some problem. Having these project means to have some uncertain thing in the governments financial plan, how much should the government offer to each arts? Do this artist really need help? Because of unfamiliar it’s hard for government to so such a work, recruit people to investigate such stuff means more payout. And when considering the short term founding may not pay much, we may have some ironic result that is have officers’ salary higher than the founding project.

One more detect of the foundation project would be it’s adversely affection on artist’s production when it will weaken their integrity. The government will not have their money dissipated, once the arts are used to the financial support the government can order them to do something not concord of their integrity use the suspend of the founding. So may be some arts may yield to such pressure. Others may hold the point that without the governments’ supports the arts may not even alive. I will not deny in some extremely circumstance it may be true, but in most cases when the government start to offer some support the arts have some ways to get money. But as the supports stated they will committed the art career without considered the financial problem so when the support stopped they have no way but to surrender.

To wrap up, artist’s production will hold it’s aesthetics value by the integrity of the artist, however, the probity may have the hazard of being attainted with the foundation of the government. The government will also have some trouble because of the foundation of the arts. And even for the reason why artist can crate such valuable masterpiece cannot be ascribe to the sufficient material. The government’s founding arts project should get some more discussion in order to reduce the problem pointed above.

普渡哥 · 发表于 2012-3-23 10:21:19

第一句话Would it benefit society more with the country starting founding the art than it did not?

就有很多用词和语法问题。。

第一段最好写好点，不然很多老师给你的分数会偏低。

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-3-23 11:48:52

Would it benefit society more with the country starting founding the art than it did not? I tend to side with the later, for that the more founding the arts get the more stifled the will （be） by the government, from this point founding the arts （would surely） not help the arts been （be）flourished. For one thing, the absence of material and it’s follow effect may be one of the most important reason why artist can produce such shackle production. In addition, even neglecting the relationship between innovation and economic situation, it would also cause trouble to the government itself. Besides, the foundation would also adversely affect artist’s production when it will weaken their integrity.

Among the greatest arts, some of them have their production crated in their hardest period (phase) of their life. It can be indicated in the history and may be proven in the future that in many cases the depress and/or the frustrate will helps the arts’ crating ability. When trapping into these disappointed situations, the arts’ brain may have some marvelous chemistry reaction that let them use their music or poem to strengthen their mind and disperse their sorrows. It may be hold by some people that these dissatisfaction may threaten the art’s healthy, and if the government can provide some financial assistant their situation will be make better. But I think not all the bad situation can be revert by economic help, although for those can be reverted, if the arts are told to chose from great art and health I think nearly all great art will chose the latter versus the former.

Government itself will also face some problem when it decided to offer financial foundation to the artist. This would be true for either long term help or short term help. First look at those long term foundation, which will be keeping for decades of years. In this sense, we can’t expect the arts hold their keen eyesight for the arts, for the beauty, and even for lives. After being settled in such a system the arts may soon tinted (?) by the bureaucracy, which in no case will welcomed by the society. Secondly, when consider the short term founding; which can be offered during the server phases of the arts in order to gives them a hand. Although, those alternative have some merit, but the short term foundation may also cause some problem. Having these project means to have some uncertain thing in the governments financial plan, how much should the government offer to each arts? Does this artist really need help? Because of unfamiliar it’s hard for government to so such a work, recruit people to investigate such stuff means more payout. And when considering the short term founding may not pay much, we may have some ironic result that is have officers’ salary higher than the founding project.

One more detect of the foundation project would be it’s adversely affection on artist’s production when it will weaken their integrity. The government will not have their money dissipated, once the arts are used to the financial support the government can order them to do something not concord of their integrity use the suspend of the founding. So may be some arts may yield to such pressure. Others may hold the point that without the governments’ supports the arts may not even alive. I will not deny in some extremely circumstance it may be true, but in most cases when the government start to offer some support the arts have some ways to get money. But as the supports stated they will commit the art career without considered the financial problem so when the support stopped they have no way but to surrender.

To wrap up, artist’s production will hold its aesthetics value by the integrity of the artist; however, the probity may have the hazard of being attainted with the foundation of the government. The government will also have some trouble because of the foundation of the arts. And even for the reason why artist can crate such valuable masterpiece cannot be ascribe to the sufficient material. The government’s founding arts project should get some more discussion in order to reduce the problem pointed above.
有些语法错误，已经改正过来。
关于文章内容，我想说的是，你都是写的政府资助艺术的不好和不必要，但你有必要提一下它的好处和某些必要，然后在侧重于你自己的观点，这样才不失偏颇。你的分析能力很强的，只是这么多的内容在考场山估计也很难在半个小时内写完吧，可适当精简些。另外你的开头有点多，你可以概括的说，从哪些方面看你认为政府资助是没必要的不合适的。
继续努力！

沧稼轩 · 发表于 2012-3-23 13:21:06

因为是第一篇issue当时用的时间远远的超过了半个小时，连构思+写用了三个个小时左右。
语法问题是我的硬伤，从高中以来一直是这个样子，看来是需要下狠功夫了。
谢谢普渡哥的回复！谢谢竹林中人帮忙修改！！！两位版主指出的问题在下一定努力纠正，等我这个周末写完第二篇我会再发上来的，希望到时候会比这一篇有所进步！

[作文互改] 新人5g，第一篇issue,绿皮书第七道题，求拍，狠拍...谢谢！

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