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[作文互改] Issue 32。我知道注定赶不上周三的改作文了~可有一点建议还是好的!

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楼主
发表于 2012-3-14 17:10:38 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
32.College students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field.




这篇写了1小时13分钟,例子还是不够,然后句子表达在写的时候也努力看过的,求拍哦!!!

Do you choose you major field of study by focusing on the availability of its employ condition? Such a condition of the society, that, as the speaker claims, the students in college have to make a choice about their study base on the capability to get a job in the future. In my point of view, the claimer is lacked of responsibility to the students self-achievement, even though it is intelligible in a little bit of extent.



Above all, it is believed that the education isa method for the students to obtain the knowledge. In the process, if the students absorb new information without any activity, it must be wasting their life, because we knew that time meaning life. As we agreed, that the educator should satisfied and sitimulated the students creative which is the pathod for realizing self-worthness. The students choose majors in favor may be effectivly boost their development in their favorite field.If it so, education is probablly accomplished the fondamantal parts.



Einstein used to emphesis that the best teacher for a person is interest. If the students have choosen their majors only by considering about the employment of that field, the dislike subjects, or even be of hatry, might be choosen. If this happened, there are two cause waiting for them. First, which is better, concerning on the fields they really like and giving a great effort on that by himself. For instance, Bill Gates, an achieve man without finishing the study in university. No matter whether the consequence of the student's achievement, it still be able to make the worthy comes to be realized. However, the other situation about the students who joined in a major that he or she do not like in a great degree, may be distroy a teenager's life which might be preversing the orginal thought of one person. It isfill with realistic meanings in the students' mind which only consider the major by the job getting,but we are not underestimating the realism in the society yet. If the students are capabile to achieve themselves in this way, the assumation above may be different.



Although there is a kind of disadvantage of the major choice by confusingon the job of the study feild of the students, the availibity for their work in the following years should not be of ignorant, but not the importmance. In this socitey, many countries are goingto suffer from a expension of workers which means the occupation fails to satisfy the number of people who are going to have jobs. If the students choose the major without thinking any of the future, they may be in a aim lacked study which means if they fail to see the future of the feild of their study, their activity to study maybe hard to find.



In a conclusion, the students should have a decision about their their majors by considering lots ofsituation, but not only the availibity of the jobs in the study field. Although that is a part of the consideration, we should not put it as the significance.
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沙发
发表于 2012-3-14 21:43:03 | 只看该作者
Such a condition of the society,??
in a little bit of extent.???
the education??泛指,不必用the
the students??非特指,不必用the
the knowledge?同上
without any activity,??不够地道,initiative或许好点
that time meaning life??——>means
As we agreed, that the educator should satisfied and sitimulated the students creative which is the pathod for realizing self-worthness.??为什么动词都用了-ed形式?creative是v,当做名词用了pathod??self-worthness???自我价值不是这么说吧
he students choose majors in favor may be effectivly boost their development in their favorite field?in favor在这里做了什么成分?maybe be boost ??
If it so, education is probablly accomplished the fondamantal parts.??If it it so ?fondamantal??——>fundamental。be accompanished ???
上面的错误仅是一段里面出现的。
你用一个整段举例子,这样的结构不常见,例子一般是论点之后,以便于论证。
鉴于此,这篇作文有必要重新写下,你的观点不很清晰,论证得不很充分,还望多多努力!
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2012-3-15 22:57:54 | 只看该作者
Such a condition of the society,??
in a little bit of extent.???
the education??泛指,不必用the
the students??非特指,不必用the
the knowledge?同上
without any activity,??不够地道,initiative或许好点
that time meaning life??——>means
As we agreed, that the educator should satisfied and sitimulated the students creative which is the pathod for realizing self-worthness.??为什么动词都用了-ed形式?creative是v,当做名词用了pathod??self-worthness???自我价值不是这么说吧
he students choose majors in favor may be effectivly boost their development in their favorite field?in favor在这里做了什么成分?maybe be boost ??
If it so, education is probablly accomplished the fondamantal parts.??If it it so ?fondamantal??——>fundamental。be accompanished ???
上面的错误仅是一段里面出现的。
你用一个整段举例子,这样的结构不常见,例子一般是论点之后,以便于论证。
鉴于此,这篇作文有必要重新写下,你的观点不很清晰,论证得不很充分,还望多多努力!
-- by 会员 竹林中人 (2012/3/14 21:43:03)



那么重新写也不一定有用,我虽然知道问题了,可是这个解决方法还是求教一下。
看看北美范文会比较有效吗?这个观点我其实想出来了,可是,写的时候就绕远了,这个我知道是不好的,所以还是求教一个操作方法咯!  跪谢!
地板
发表于 2012-3-15 23:27:43 | 只看该作者
Such a condition of the society,??
in a little bit of extent.???
the education??泛指,不必用the
the students??非特指,不必用the
the knowledge?同上
without any activity,??不够地道,initiative或许好点
that time meaning life??——>means
As we agreed, that the educator should satisfied and sitimulated the students creative which is the pathod for realizing self-worthness.??为什么动词都用了-ed形式?creative是v,当做名词用了pathod??self-worthness???自我价值不是这么说吧
he students choose majors in favor may be effectivly boost their development in their favorite field?in favor在这里做了什么成分?maybe be boost ??
If it so, education is probablly accomplished the fondamantal parts.??If it it so ?fondamantal??——>fundamental。be accompanished ???
上面的错误仅是一段里面出现的。
你用一个整段举例子,这样的结构不常见,例子一般是论点之后,以便于论证。
鉴于此,这篇作文有必要重新写下,你的观点不很清晰,论证得不很充分,还望多多努力!
-- by 会员 竹林中人 (2012/3/14 21:43:03)




那么重新写也不一定有用,我虽然知道问题了,可是这个解决方法还是求教一下。
看看北美范文会比较有效吗?这个观点我其实想出来了,可是,写的时候就绕远了,这个我知道是不好的,所以还是求教一个操作方法咯!  跪谢!
-- by 会员 fanny89757 (2012/3/15 22:57:54)

看北美范文,很有用处,至少上面的Issue都要看到比较好,分析立意,分析句子表达和内容结构。然后你的句子表达能力,可以多做句子翻译练习,以新概念英语为范本,把中文的翻译翻译成英文。另外新概念英语的课文也是很好的作文范文。
5#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-3-16 13:39:58 | 只看该作者
Such a condition of the society,??
in a little bit of extent.???
the education??泛指,不必用the
the students??非特指,不必用the
the knowledge?同上
without any activity,??不够地道,initiative或许好点
that time meaning life??——>means
As we agreed, that the educator should satisfied and sitimulated the students creative which is the pathod for realizing self-worthness.??为什么动词都用了-ed形式?creative是v,当做名词用了pathod??self-worthness???自我价值不是这么说吧
he students choose majors in favor may be effectivly boost their development in their favorite field?in favor在这里做了什么成分?maybe be boost ??
If it so, education is probablly accomplished the fondamantal parts.??If it it so ?fondamantal??——>fundamental。be accompanished ???
上面的错误仅是一段里面出现的。
你用一个整段举例子,这样的结构不常见,例子一般是论点之后,以便于论证。
鉴于此,这篇作文有必要重新写下,你的观点不很清晰,论证得不很充分,还望多多努力!
-- by 会员 竹林中人 (2012/3/14 21:43:03)





那么重新写也不一定有用,我虽然知道问题了,可是这个解决方法还是求教一下。
看看北美范文会比较有效吗?这个观点我其实想出来了,可是,写的时候就绕远了,这个我知道是不好的,所以还是求教一个操作方法咯!  跪谢!
-- by 会员 fanny89757 (2012/3/15 22:57:54)


看北美范文,很有用处,至少上面的Issue都要看到比较好,分析立意,分析句子表达和内容结构。然后你的句子表达能力,可以多做句子翻译练习,以新概念英语为范本,把中文的翻译翻译成英文。另外新概念英语的课文也是很好的作文范文。
-- by 会员 竹林中人 (2012/3/15 23:27:43)



噢~~谢谢哦!上新概念的时候老师叫翻译我就没好好做。。。惭愧,,,我这么练翻译5月份来得及吗?两个多月~每天练一下,时间应该够吧?!
6#
发表于 2012-3-16 22:11:37 | 只看该作者
Such a condition of the society,??
in a little bit of extent.???
the education??泛指,不必用the
the students??非特指,不必用the
the knowledge?同上
without any activity,??不够地道,initiative或许好点
that time meaning life??——>means
As we agreed, that the educator should satisfied and sitimulated the students creative which is the pathod for realizing self-worthness.??为什么动词都用了-ed形式?creative是v,当做名词用了pathod??self-worthness???自我价值不是这么说吧
he students choose majors in favor may be effectivly boost their development in their favorite field?in favor在这里做了什么成分?maybe be boost ??
If it so, education is probablly accomplished the fondamantal parts.??If it it so ?fondamantal??——>fundamental。be accompanished ???
上面的错误仅是一段里面出现的。
你用一个整段举例子,这样的结构不常见,例子一般是论点之后,以便于论证。
鉴于此,这篇作文有必要重新写下,你的观点不很清晰,论证得不很充分,还望多多努力!
-- by 会员 竹林中人 (2012/3/14 21:43:03)






那么重新写也不一定有用,我虽然知道问题了,可是这个解决方法还是求教一下。
看看北美范文会比较有效吗?这个观点我其实想出来了,可是,写的时候就绕远了,这个我知道是不好的,所以还是求教一个操作方法咯!  跪谢!
-- by 会员 fanny89757 (2012/3/15 22:57:54)



看北美范文,很有用处,至少上面的Issue都要看到比较好,分析立意,分析句子表达和内容结构。然后你的句子表达能力,可以多做句子翻译练习,以新概念英语为范本,把中文的翻译翻译成英文。另外新概念英语的课文也是很好的作文范文。
-- by 会员 竹林中人 (2012/3/15 23:27:43)




噢~~谢谢哦!上新概念的时候老师叫翻译我就没好好做。。。惭愧,,,我这么练翻译5月份来得及吗?两个多月~每天练一下,时间应该够吧?!
-- by 会员 fanny89757 (2012/3/16 13:39:58)

这个你坚持十来天半个月,严格要求自己会有进步的,别丧气
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