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[作文互改] issue35,求拍!!十分感谢!!

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楼主
发表于 2012-3-6 12:03:25 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
I basically don't agree with the claim "educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed".


To educational institutions, perhaps success is just defined as a career success and verifiable attainments in areas( pay, work performance, position, etc) are its indication. Admittedly, job success is of crucial importance in this modern society full of competition. Often, the high position and good work performance keep accord with the high salary. The economic base determines the superstructure. Without a rich salary we might not afford to pay for our daily demands, such as health insurance, house loan, education courses and so on. And a responsible person has to achieve success to support his or her family. Therefore, in order to make students "responsible", educational institutions dissuade students from pursuing fields of study easy to make a success seems understandable.

However, can educational institutions really tell and judge which fields unlikely to succeed? Every field has numerous illustrious individuals, even in those areas which are often defined as "unpopular fields". Indeed, the applicability of some pure theoretical fields, such as mathematics, philosophy, is much less broader than those applied fields, thus graduates of these areas get much less possibility of success than ones of applied fields. However, "less" does not mean "unlikely".

Just understand the claim as "institutions should dissuade students from pursuing fields of study with low success rates" , however, these pure theoretical areas, playing a fundamental role in applied areas, still call for students pains to develop. Provided that mathematics became poor, It is really hard to imagine how the orbital function of a satellite can be calculated. Without a precise orbit a satellite cannot function well. Therefore, the efforts in these fields of study are highly required. Once educational institutions do it just as what the claim suggests, the aftermath would be extremely serious and even the development of all the fields would go inactive.

Therefore, it is highly suggested that educational institutions provide the job backdrop and leave the option of fields to students instead of dissuading them from pursuing fields of study with low success rates. The development of society and science requires all kinds of people with professional fields. Just as Cannikin Law, society is the cannikin and professionals are the plates. The volume of the cannikin always depends on the shortest plate.

1.开头实在是不会写,想把成功的定义写在开头,可是不知道怎么写,放在第二段吧,还是不知道开头怎么概括一下全文,所以...呵呵
2.总觉得再写一段成功真正的内涵,可是这样主体段就成四段了,时间也不允许~~很矛盾~~


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沙发
发表于 2012-3-7 10:49:35 | 只看该作者
其实你想表达的意思是很好的,但你没有很好地组织好语言,段落。
对于第一段,你只是否定了题目的说法,但你没有亮出自己的立场,否定别人的并不能代替自己的,另外关于成功的定义,你完全根据自己的需要去定义就好,而不必追求很全面的很抽象的理论什么的,自己把成功限定好了,能更好滴控制住下文的内容。你不定义也可以,你可以分析下这个题目,表明你对这个题目的理解。
另外,个人觉得不宜写成了Argument的样子,一直去驳斥题目,而是围绕自己的立场去写
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2012-3-7 11:58:37 | 只看该作者
恩 谢谢啦 我再改改 哎 觉得issue好难呀,怎么写也写不好,表达不好,逻辑不好,打字速度也跟不上,还有二十多天,太没信心了~~
地板
发表于 2012-3-7 12:01:41 | 只看该作者
恩 谢谢啦 我再改改 哎 觉得issue好难呀,怎么写也写不好,表达不好,逻辑不好,打字速度也跟不上,还有二十多天,太没信心了~~
-- by 会员 山依格紫 (2012/3/7 11:58:37)

呵呵,嗯,之前我们都是把Issue作为重点复习,坚持写吧,找到一个好的属于自己的写作模式
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