这是我第一次的写作，文笔一般，不吝赐教。

landscape1987 · 发表于 2012-1-4 09:06:22

Claim: In any field—business, politics, education, government—those in power should

step down after five years.
Reason: The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new

leadership.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with

the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

/The below article is my writting for the first time./

Personally,leadership is important in the revitalization of any enterprise because

they can direct companies how to run and how to shape. With their influences, they

build the culture of the corporations even they can be the soul of the enterprise such

as Steve Jobs to Apple and Bill Gates to Microsoft, especially Steve, he is the artist

and engineer so he have shaped Apple in the same way. Not only their products change

the world, but their culture and spirit change the world too and I think the culture

and spirit effects are more important for the enterprise.
I always embrace the opinion that how the leadership is, how is the company and

enterprise is. Because good leadership can direct the members to build a good culture,

then the good product can be created for in industry the staff is the most important

part rather than the facilities and products.Like the psychological theory that the

world inside can control and affect the world outside, the world outside is the

reflection and expression of the world inside. So the world inside humans in industry

can totally control and affect the world outside, their creative thinking and

enthusiasm can be reflected on the products and influence the markets as well as the

world.
In addition, the leadership is quite important, but business, politics, education,

government also weigh heavily.
The government is the administrator and guider of the country, they have the

responsibility to build a harmonious and credible society.
Effective politics and government can build a effective society so that all the

business can be run effectively and in the reliable principle. They can build the good

environment for all the enterprise.
The humans are the most important in industry so the education is so important

too because it can shape and direct them how to think and what spirit they should

have. In my opinion, corporations and factories manufacture the products and

Correspondly, the education manufactures the people.
So business, politics, education, government and new leadership are all the

surest paths to success for any enterprise.

普渡哥 · 发表于 2012-1-4 11:57:00

这个好像跑题了。。。
人家说商业政府教育等领导5年需要换代，因为新的领导能带来新的活力。

这篇不是要论证leadership的重要性，而是要论证要不要五年一换代。。

竹林中人 · 发表于 2012-1-4 12:58:05

有些跑题了，你要说明的是企业需不需要更新换代，换用新的年轻的领导人

普渡哥 · 发表于 2012-1-4 13:34:58

是啊，跑题就很危险，一定要分析清楚再写，不然分数会很低。

landscape1987 · 发表于 2012-1-4 17:44:24

我早上起来急忙写的，为了赶公司班车，汗。谢谢指导，下次仔细审题！

lukebrehm · 发表于 2012-1-4 20:47:17

Usually you should state your opinion in the matter first. In this case you would say you agreed or disagreed and then gave your argument why they should or should not step down after five years... still not bad at all for a first

landscape1987 · 发表于 2012-1-5 17:30:24

OK, I will check the issue carefully and improve my writing as much as I can.

landscape1987 · 发表于 2012-1-9 17:41:21

lukebrehm · 发表于 2012-1-10 20:11:09

thats the spirit!

[作文互改] 这是我第一次的写作，文笔一般，不吝赐教。

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