第一次写issue,帮忙打个大概的分数吧！~

cireb · 发表于 2011-8-1 21:26:03

RT,今天第一次写写作文，写了好久终于写到这么多字数...泪奔....因为是第一次写，非常生疏，我也不怎么会写复杂句型和高级词汇，所以是一句一句挤出来的........请前辈们根据经验帮忙打个分吧，我好心里有个底，如果有什么建议给我就更好不过了，非常感谢！

论点：现在有很多能让我们了解新闻的媒体，像电视，报纸，广播，网络等，这当中报纸是最重要的一个。
The speaker here defines newspaper as the most important media source. Admittedly,as a traditional avenue to get information, the circulation of newspaper is massive.However, in my view, newspaper is not as significant as the speaker described. Myposition is well supported by common sense and by observation.

First of all, among various media sources, video, internet, television and the others,it’s undeniable to find that newspaper is the tardiest one, which lead to an informationlag that make audiences feel disappointed as they have knew the news before. Inaddition, in my observation and experience, currently, people prefer to shareand discuss the lasted news with each other, especially among the youth. Suchis the case with Twitter, a popular app for obtaining and disseminating thelatest news through internet.

Secondly,different from other medias spread by devices, newspaper weakens theenvironmental protection as it is based on a large amount of paper. Imagingthat if the circulation of some newspaper is 300.000 per day, the circulationis over 3 billions in a whole year. Even though the materials are recycling,the process in product is making much pollution. In contrast, radios, TVs, andinternet are conservative in resource consumption.

Thirdly,when getting news is so convenient by internet and radio that you can skim thelasted news by your mobile phone on the buses, in a café, or you can evenlisten to the news while doing sports, reading newspaper and do sports can’thappen concurrently and if you want to collect some information suddenly,newspaper is not the same available as other mobile medias.

To sum up, the speaker holds the perspective that newspaper is the most importantmedia source, however, in my estimation, the example cited above clearly revealthat newspaper is a demoded media in such a networking era for its tardiness, notenvironmental-friendly and inconvenient,. I believe that internet and other mediaswill supersede newspaper someday before long.

cireb · 发表于 2011-8-2 08:50:05

嗷嗷嗷嗷~~顶呀顶！！

cireb · 发表于 2011-8-2 18:57:03

没有人理么？？？？

helenwolfy · 发表于 2011-8-2 22:47:24

4.5 到5。有很多字之间没有空格，到时候会判错词的。长度还不错，但有明显的错误拼写和语病，没有语病的一些句子有chinglish的痕迹。

教你一个方法：你把自己写的每个句子的核心主谓宾放到google里去搜索，找到那些美国的网站，出来的句子就是漂亮的native句子，表达的意思跟你差不多——然后背下来吧

cireb · 发表于 2011-8-2 23:50:46

4.5 到5。有很多字之间没有空格，到时候会判错词的。长度还不错，但有明显的错误拼写和语病，没有语病的一些句子有chinglish的痕迹。

教你一个方法：你把自己写的每个句子的核心主谓宾放到google里去搜索，找到那些美国的网站，出来的句子就是漂亮的native句子，表达的意思跟你差不多——然后背下来吧

-- by 会员 helenwolfy (2011/8/2 22:47:24)

嗷~终于有人回复了~谢谢！但是那个空格的问题是我粘贴上来后才有的~我去试试你的方法~

第一次写issue,帮忙打个大概的分数吧！~

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