小弟一片托福作文，大家帮我看看啊。

jinzezhou · 发表于 2011-7-14 02:22:15

Why do you think people attend to collage ? use specific reason and example to support your answer

University education because more and more widely around the world. With the enrollment extension of university. More and more people have opportunity to go to collage. Famous University stand in great number in Beijing
. If you want attend class, just complete on application, and you can enjoy you collage life tomorrow.. Why people go to collage? I have three reasons to show.People can hunt formore gratified job by going to collage. People can learn more deeply knowledgeandskill in the class of collage. And that accelerate the ratethat they get a good job.. high-salary job mean upper life: BMW, LV ,and so on. In china ,many people change the life and realize the value of live .
Apart from the change ofgood job, people can get the spiritual enhancement in the campus .
As is known to all ,the circle of university is always a centre of culture. The collageenable the students have easy access to the opera, poetry, philosophy lecture. These activity can cultivate one’s taste. In my collage there are a lot of club which I join, I enjoy the chance I take part in the classic music club. Now I can talk about the classic music to a stranger at least a hour, and always go to classic music concert,. I love this kind of culture life
.With the economic recession, Unemployment rate increase.. The collage provide a chance to fired person to update the knowledge and expend the career. the function of University make the society more stable and safe, make the society have the potential ability to develop.
University have deeply impact for the development of society and person. People become more and more excellent and society become more and more prefect, because of university. That reason why people go to university.

jinzezhou · 发表于 2011-7-14 02:24:50

刚才那个格式不好，再发一片
Why do you think people attend to collage ? use specific reason and example to support your answer

University education because more and more widely around the world. With the enrollment extension of university. More and more people have opportunity to go to collage. Famous University stand in great number in Beijing
. If you want attend class, just complete on application, and you can enjoy you collage life tomorrow.. Why people go to collage? I have three reasons to show.People can hunt formore gratified job by going to collage. People can learn more deeply knowledgeandskill in the class of collage. And that accelerate the ratethat they get a good job.. high-salary job mean upper life: BMW, LV ,and so on. In china ,many people change the life and realize the value of live .
Apart from the change ofgood job, people can get the spiritual enhancement in the campus .As is known to all ,the circle of university is always a centre of culture. The collageenable the students have easy access to the opera, poetry, philosophy lecture. These activity can cultivate one’s taste. In my collage there are a lot of club which I join, I enjoy the chance I take part in the classic music club. Now I can talk about the classic music to a stranger at least a hour, and always go to classic music concert,. I love this kind of culture life
.With the economic recession, Unemployment rate increase.. The collage provide a chance to fired person to update the knowledge and expend the career. the function of University make the society more stable and safe, make the society have the potential ability to develop.
University have deeply impact for the development of society and person. People become more and more excellent and society become more and more prefect, because of university. That reason why people go to university.

jinzezhou · 发表于 2011-7-14 02:25:07

刚才那个格式不好，再发一片
Why do you think people attend to collage ? use specific reason and example to support your answer

University education because more and more widely around the world. With the enrollment extension of university. More and more people have opportunity to go to collage. Famous University stand in great number in Beijing
. If you want attend class, just complete on application, and you can enjoy you collage life tomorrow.. Why people go to collage? I have three reasons to show.People can hunt formore gratified job by going to collage. People can learn more deeply knowledgeandskill in the class of collage. And that accelerate the ratethat they get a good job.. high-salary job mean upper life: BMW, LV ,and so on. In china ,many people change the life and realize the value of live .
Apart from the change ofgood job, people can get the spiritual enhancement in the campus .As is known to all ,the circle of university is always a centre of culture. The collageenable the students have easy access to the opera, poetry, philosophy lecture. These activity can cultivate one’s taste. In my collage there are a lot of club which I join, I enjoy the chance I take part in the classic music club. Now I can talk about the classic music to a stranger at least a hour, and always go to classic music concert,. I love this kind of culture life
.With the economic recession, Unemployment rate increase.. The collage provide a chance to fired person to update the knowledge and expend the career. the function of University make the society more stable and safe, make the society have the potential ability to develop.
University have deeply impact for the development of society and person. People become more and more excellent and society become more and more prefect, because of university. That reason why people go to university.

txsnowsea · 发表于 2011-7-16 11:02:01

说实话，不太好。。。像这个“BMW, LV ,and so on”，根本就不是完整的句子。。。最后一句话，reason是当动词吗，如果是话，还不如换上explains。还有你的论点是三个，第一是，attending college help people enhance their knowledge，第二是，get a good paid job，第三个是什么啊？我怎么没看出来。其实你可以把第一个和第二个合并起来，因为college可以帮助学生提高知识水平，进而取得high paid job。。其他的reason，你可以说，attedning college可以使人们为社会更多的贡献，可以列举居里夫人的列子。。第三个，可以说大学生活可以become a good citizen， improve people‘s social skills and make a better and meaningful life ，其实很多。但是我觉得你那个lv的列子还是不要举了。

不好意思，看错了，原来你举得三个列子是分段写了。可以忽略我的comments

小弟一片托福作文，大家帮我看看啊。

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