我来改写以下大牛的一些文章...希望大家一起讨论批评...

caidahuihui · 发表于 2010-2-10 22:21:32

我在某四大的商业咨询部工作，最近也要考GMAT了。刚开始看作文，尤其看了有些考友分享的一些模板，觉得不是很妥当。因为模板里面的废话实在太多，和正文没有关系。有些纯粹就是废话凑字数。当然这样做为了应试也无可厚非，但是毕竟不是长久之计（你去商学院要写东西是非常正常的，即使过了GMAT一关，以后的学习还长着呢).

于是小弟凭自己几年来咨询业写商业文书的浅薄基础，改写了一篇某牛的issue模板给大家参考，因为时间有限写的不是很精炼.请大家指点以下.....

题目: The most effective way for managers to assign work is to divide complex tasks into their simpler component parts. This way, each worker completes a small portion of the task but contributes to the whole.”

Whether the most effective way for managers to assign work is to divide different complex tasks into simpler component parts depends on various factors. Whereas under limited circumstances it is workable, in my point of view in most cases many other factors are more vital in achieving the goal by the manager.

First of all, the concept of being complex is not necessarily equivalent to that of being dividable. Normally, there are many factors that will impact the extent to which one work is complex. For example, many law firm managers will find the most complex task to provide legal advice in cost saving plan for corporate client is to understand client's internal business structure and product flowchart. In this case, the task itself is not feasible to be divided into several simpler component parts. On a case by case basis, to effectively for manager to assign a work, the most important part bear in mind is to understand the nature of this task before working out away to solve an issue.

Secondly, with the task being divided into several component parts, it does not necessarily mean that smaller portion will become simpler, which is what we normally will assume. In most cases, the difficulty of smaller portion is as complex as the initial task. It is easily understood dividing will be totally useless if a whole complex task is composed of 10 other equally complex tasks. Take writing as an example, if an essay is composed of 5 paragraphs which are related to 5 specialized aspects that are equally difficult to write. Definitely, dividing the whole essay into 5 paragraphs will make little use for manager to effectively accomplish the work.

With the above being mentioned, normally the most effectively way to accomplish a task is to carefully understand the nature of the difficulty it may have before commencing any work on it. However, it doesn't mean that dividing big project into smaller ones is totally useless. If an assignment is dividable and each sub-assignment is apparently easy to manage in parallel, it will be very effective to follow the speaker's instruction.

In conclusion, this issue is determined by various factors, the utmost important thing for a manger to consider is to clearly understand the actual difficulty of a task on a case by case basis so that manager will be able to sort out the most effective way to achieve the goal.

有空大家一起讨论啊，或者发文章相互修改啊...

我心向明月 · 发表于 2010-2-12 00:26:42

写得比我强多了，也没有什么废话。

具体内容上，我提不出什么建议，有几处语法的问题，一起讨论下：

1）一处是，我读OG12中的AI范文，通篇的定语从句，全都是使用that，没有使用which，所以，我觉得还是全用that比较合适。

2）With the above being mentioned, normally the most effectively way to accomplish a task is to carefully understand the nature of the difficulty (that ，少个that)it may have before commencing any work on it. However, it doesn't mean that dividing big project into smaller ones is totally useless. If an assignment is dividable and each sub-assignment is apparently easy to manage in parallel, it will be very effective to follow the speaker's instruction.

3）In conclusion, this issue is determined by various factors, the utmost important thing for a manger to consider is to clearly understand the actual difficulty of a task on a case by case basis so that (少一个the) manager will be able to sort out the most effective way to achieve the goal. （这里逗号连句子了）

spensertracy · 发表于 2010-2-12 15:00:22

睡觉前最后一个回复，呵呵。

既然明月同学主攻语法，我就在内容上给一点建议好了。

首先，这篇文章的布局有些问题。三段越来越短，很容易给人一种没话可讲的感觉。特别是最后一段，感觉草草结尾。

其次，我觉得作者的第一，二的理由有点像argument，而不像issue。比如第一段，一上来就攻击“the concept of being complex is not necessarily equivalent to that of being dividable” （所谓差异概念）。第二段，“with the task being divided into several component parts, it does not necessarily mean that smaller portion will become simpler” （所谓错误因果）。这样的写法不是不行，但是我觉得issue还是得有一些笔墨在讨论题目的合理性上的。而且即使是反对，我觉得从逻辑上去反对并不讨好，因为argu已经考察了逻辑，所以判卷者希望看到的是一些事理上的讨论。比如，你说的是这个complex的概念不能等同于“可分配性”，但是这个观点就可以用另外一种温和一点的形式来表达，比如说：The underlying rationale behind the issue seems to be that the complex tasks are all dividable. However...这种论述的形式，我觉得比很aggressive的直接攻击逻辑要好。

最后，我觉得同意这个观点其实挺好写的，你没有必要去攻击两个这么难的观点。而且我觉得第二个有点牵强，你说small portion不一定比整体的简单，但是你的例子说写作，如果每个section都这么难写的话，那要让人写一篇文章就更是mission impossible了。这里题目所说的complex和simple是相对的嘛。其实这个题目完全可以讨论一下分工合作的合理性，又简单又有说服力。

只是我的一点观点，不一定对，大家可以讨论讨论。

我来改写以下大牛的一些文章...希望大家一起讨论批评...

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