[求助]人的寿命越来越长TWE021 德克的猪来帮我改下吧，大家也帮我看看哦！

One indisputable fact is that a greater number of people are now hitting the eighty-year mark than ten years ago, moreover more and more people are passing the one-hundred-year mark. This phenomenon almost cannot be imagined several decades ago. In fact, the life expectancy of the human being has increased significantly throughout last century, and this trend is continuing.

The major reason is due to the improvements in medicine and the development of cured for fatal illnesses. As medical science advanced toward greater understanding of the nature and prevention of disease, new maternal-care and public-health practices contributed to rapid increase in people’s average age. In the second half of the nineteenth century, such discoveries as antiseptics and anesthesia made possible other life-prolonging medical treatments.

Another reason why the average life span is lengthening now is due to the developing of knowledge. Today, people’s knowledge about nutrition is more abundant and the knowledge system is more integrated than before. For this, people now take more care of their health and also pay more attention to the arrangement of a variety of nutrition. For instance, scientists recognized that the marriage of Vitamin D and Calcium is capable of strengthening the bones, so drinking milk and going out of room to get sunshine at times can permit people to have strong bodies. Additionally, the public now is familiar with the importance of the diet and exercise and tends to arrange them better so that they can have a more regular life and a longer life span.

Before I come to my conclusion, it is necessary to point out another reason that contributes the continuing life expectancy—a better mood. There are several factors that cause a better mood. For example, during the Second World War, for the people in suffering countries, even whether can survive while undergoing the starvation and the threat from the invaders is a problem, not to say a longer life span. Today, however, most people are now living in a peaceful period, allowing much more people to have a steady life and a better living condition. Developed transportation and communication is another factor that causes a better mood. People now can see or communicate with their family members and friends much more easily even if they were separated by a long distance, letting people suffer less pain from the separation. Consequently, living in today’s peaceful and convenient world, people are happier and live longer than before.

To sum up, the medicine improvement, people’s knowledge development and a better mood help to extend the life span of human beings, and the life expectancy is expected to rise into the future.

(这样的长驱直入的开头并非不可以,但是我还是觉得过于直接了点.开头最好还是有一个由TOPIC到你的观点的这样的一个过渡.)

One indisputable fact is that a
greater number of people are now hitting the eighty-year mark than ten years
ago. Moreover,(注意标点的用法.句子和句子之间只可以用and连接,但是不可以用逗号或者副词连接.Moreover就是一个副词) more and more(more and more这样的用法可以用an increasing/growing
number of)
people are passing the(可以用their) one-hundred-year mark. This phenomenon almost cannot be imagined several
decades ago(为什么不写成:And I believe that
decades ago scarcely could people imagine such long life-span). In fact, the life expectncy
of the human being has increased significantly throughout last century. And
this trend is continuing.

The major reason is due to(reason不和due to搭配,就如同原因不和因为一起搭配) the improvements in medicine
and the development of cured for fatal illnesses. As medical science advanced(因为这个趋势还在进行中,所以这里用过去时态不妥当,你可以考虑用is advancing,强调医学科技的日新月异) toward greater understanding of the nature and prevention of disease, new
maternal-care and public-health practices have contributed
to the rapid increase in people’s average age. In the second half of the nineteenth century, such
discoveries as antiseptics and anesthesia made possible other life-prolonging
medical treatments.(这句话另我有点不解)(你的这个论点发展得不好,因为你只说了reason.一个完整的论点需要why和how.这里你就应该继续补充说明.Thanks to the advance in medicine science, many “incurables”
have been converted into “curables”.然后就编例子,说我的某个亲戚得了cancer: My 51-year-old aunt has battled against breast
cancer for roughly a decade. And now, fortunately, she has made a great stride
in this. Because of her optimistic attitude and the successful knub removement via
the help of laser, her health is in a good condition. Now suppose that, my aunt
was in 1950s, in which there was no tiptop medicine technologies and laser
cure, of course, she would probably be killed by spread of cancer cells. )

谢谢！

刚一打开就满篇泛红，吓了一跳，有点受打击的说~~不过真的太谢谢了，改得这么详细。不过好像还剩三段没有改，也帮我改一下吧，呵呵。

我还想问一下，我的作文问题主要在哪里呢？在哪些方面需要注意和提高？

还有两个问题就是，1、我看了你说的开头最好写背景，我这样的开头不算是背景吗？我觉得应该还算是吧~

                  2、the reason is due to  我看到胡敏的那本作文书上有很多范文都这么用，是那些范文错了么？（疑惑&迷茫中~）

嗯，最好还是不用吧，呵呵

其他的问题等待回答中...

哭

还是没人理...